SG Exams

 When Sandra Bullock declares that she does not understand Sg Maths, you know that your country’s education system and stresses has reached world level pinnacle, in terms of having curriculum that is known to be more challenging.

By now, I have already gone through 3 rounds of PSLE, 2 rounds of O levels and 1 round of A levels with many more to come. 

The first round of PSLE was traumatic and brought with it hard lessons. That the expectations we had for our kids did not matter much, definitely not more than wanting them to be alive and being next to us, to grow and be the beautiful people we wanted them to be. 

I know the reason why we want our kids to do well is cos we want their journey to be easier and not be so hard if they did not do well in their education. Sure there are stories of people who didn’t do well in their studies, doing very well in life. But these are few and far between and the reality is that they make use of the talents gifted them or had other blessings in life that helped.  How many of us really have such talents or special supports?  We may not have what it takes or the know how to build a successful business etc, may not have the gifts to sing well or perform.  For most of us, it is the education that we have that becomes our insurance for that better life.  

As I went through more rounds of national exams, I realised that the grades did not really matter. Sure we would be happy if they did well, rejoice and celebrate. But what mattered more was that they are happy. What’s the point of imposing our wants on them? It’s no longer our lives to live. We already had the opportunity to live ours and now its their journey.

Its hard to see them disappointed and upset with the results they get. You know they have tried and the only way now is forward in making the best of what they got. I realised when they didn’t do as well as expected, that I did not feel upset. Rather it was immense worry as to how they would cope with the results and manoeuvre their way through the system that lowers options as the results varies.  I can rant about the system but what really can I do, no matter how much we rant, the system remains largely the same.  

It may be hard but we need to trust that God has the best of plans for us, though it may not be what we thought we really wanted. 

Who knows what my life would be like if I had gone to Mass Comm as I had really wanted years ago. Would my life be the same? I seriously doubt. But my life’s journey took me to where I am now, and its the best one for me. 

First times first jobs

 When Sarah completed her O levels, she took on a job as a bookshop assistant. This time, it was Tasnym’s turn to take on her first job ever and this girl clearly knows what she wanted or not. Factory or packing jobs were not for her though her friends were taking these up.

And the job must pay more than $10 an hour so that she could afford a gym membership as she puts it.  So we arranged for her to take on a job at her uncle’s gym to kill 2 birds with one stone. She was happy with it but soon realised that it didn’t offer her a daily engagement so off she went searching for another job, this time in the medical industry.

Got to admit I was surprised that she was willing to take on a job at a hospice changing diapers of the elderly. “Why would I care if I am seeing naked old people?” 

So we got her to practice on her brother’s diaper first! Unfortunately, the job did not pan out and she was told they had too many manpower (hmmm…) And she refused to change her brother’s diapers anymore after that. “cos I am not paid to do it!” She says.

Oh well… she was then offered a job as a health assistant at TTSH and that’s where she has been almost daily 7 am to 7 pm.  Honestly, I do kind of wonder why more singaporeans are not taking up the job.  The pay is good and so are the benefits with food provided for all the workers.  The job didn’t seem too hard with the only downside being the 12 hour shifts.  But its not like a person had to be on their feet throughout that 12 hours. There were lots of opportunities to take breaks in between. And of course you need to have your full PPE on.

One thing for sure, Tasnym is determined that she wants to pursue a career in the medical field.  This mama is making lots of prayers that she achieves her dreams. 

First days

 It’s the beginning of the new year.  Our ritual has been a first day photo but this year is definitely much different from the rest! Well for one thing, 2 girls are no longer in school.  And with covid, start of school is staggered to different days for different levels. 

This year, Hanz would start his journey in Hanis. I should indeed be careful with what I wished for.  Off he went straight into the classroom without a backward glance! And not gonna lie, there was a pang in me that wished that he did look back to look for me to show that I am still needed. But nope, this boy has decided he was big enough for school and not in need of his mum anymore. Even the other mums were commenting how he was totally tearless and fearless. Well that half hour when I got to sit in his class helped (I meant me, not him!) as he would run every 5 min to give me a hug before running back to join his class. It was like he was assuring me, its ok Mama, I still need you!

It was short lived anyway. Third day comes along with the tears and wailing. This boy delayed reaction or wat? With the tudung tugging and hand pulling, insisting that I be in class with him. He had fever after coming back from school, which could possible contributed to him being cranky. 4th day of school was the same with the school having to call us to fetch him as he started coughing. Come home and all the symptoms were gone with him being super happy to be back home. Ok 2 days medical leave for this boy anyway since he kept coughing through the night.

Not exactly the best of beginnings of a new year, with 3 kids and one mama down with a bad throat. 

Spider-Man Spider-Man

 

Someone has decided that he was Spider-Man, pointing at Spider-Man on the tv and saying that it’s him! Look at his pose, he is shooting Spider webs from his hands and making the tss sound! It is so interesting how a boy got so interested in Spider-Man by watching the movie while a girl would not have shown the same level of interest.

Right now I worry how my father in law is going to be able to manage him, picking him up from school daily. This boy can be a handful and has shown some tantrums. This morning itself, Sarah who was babysitting him, had to call SOS as she was having her hands full trying to manage. I really wonder how this boy will manage under his grand father… 

Fish Doctor 2

 Not only do I have a fish doctor, she is also a fish psychiatrist!

D: I think my fish is going through depression after all the other fishes died.

After we bought more fish…

D: I think the fish is having an inferiority complex cos all the other fishes are so colourful and pretty… That’s why its hiding cos its so ugly 

Hmmm… either she wants to be a vet or its a projection of her own inner turmoils!

And now she has decided that one of her fishes is pregnant and started formulating diagnoses of her pregnant state. So yes I have a fish gynae too!

The mum to be under the watch of Dr D

Raising boys and girls

 Being a mother of 4 girls and an only child with numerous girl cousins, I was ignorant of what it would be like to have a son. It seemed weird at first to even be able to say out loud that yes I have a son.  I wondered how I was going to clean his ding dong (as Daniah puts it), when I should have him circumcised, how to toilet train him and basically what to expect in general. 

Interestingly, or maybe not, I realised, he was not all that different from the girls.  He is just as affectionate and cuddly. But what stands out is him being the risk taker, he was not afraid to climb and jump. Initially I thought it was part and parcel of him being a boy but I realised through observing others his age, that it was just him being him.  He was a risk taker.  First time ever I lost my child in the Courts shop cos he decided to wander around at age 2.5 when I was distracted. We went searching for him to find him in a far corner, with not a tear. He was searching for us too but didn’t seem too anxious about it. Father of cos would compare this to losing Sarah at age 2 in the HK night market cos she decided to walk back to see a toy she wanted. Or when Sarah and Daniah went missing in Aust SeaWorld. Hmm, why is it always Sarah getting lost?

He is sociable and would not be afraid to go to someone he has never met before to ask to play. Well, all the girls were this way too. All social butterflies who became absolutely unsociable as teens! Now I worry how he will be as a teen!

But seriously, back to the topic, I have not found it to be much different. Well yes toilet issues will be different but other than that, it’s been very much similar… all 5 walked at 9 months or so, are cuddly, sociable…oh wait, I suppose the biggest difference would be in speech development. Simply put, Hanz has not been talking. Far different from his sisters who were talking a mile away before the age of 1, this boy has not been talking very much even at the age of 2. He has speech delay but not language delay as his language comprehension is good. Funny thing was his tendency to use sign language rather than speech.

Well boys do use language and speech very differently from girls and this is very apparent for Hanz who is just happy to gesture what he wants rather than to ask for it verbally.  His sisters say that he is a man of few words!  He has been making recent strides but hopefully, he will say more words as he goes to school. Now, we just have him calling mama, papa, nana. He does says words when we least expect it, screaming out Daniah to ask her to wake up and Kakak when he sees Sarah coming to pick him up. There are other words too locked up in him, coming out here and there but most of all he is just a good actor - acting out animals and even how to die when he is shot by a bullet!

Being the older parent

 We were definitely not planning to be parents again at the age of 44. In an earlier post, I mentioned about feeling very scared. That anxiety and worry never really went away even after his birth. 

When I was pregnant with him, I came by chance on some CNA videos on a couple who had 10 children (OK I have no plans of having 10 kids though I am halfway there!). The mother was asked whether she would have more.  Her immediate response was no, due her health and age (my reasons too) but her next sentence struck me hard. She said but if God has decided to give her another child, it is because he trusts that she has space in her heart for another child. 

I suppose God had trust that I could bring up another child and has space in my heart for that. Children are rezeki and I am blessed.

Sometimes though the worries do take over. Would we have the energy to chase after him? (well that's what older sisters are for right?) Would we be able to expose him to the same experiences we had given the older girls (we can try but covid did take over)? Would he be embarrassed to have such elderly parents - imagine, we would be 60 when he does his PSLE! But one of my greatest worries would be for us falling ill and dying while he is still young. Sometimes we feel that it is unfair for him to have such older parents like us.

I know we can’t predict death and that many of my friends had parents who died when they were very young and when the parents were still relatively young as well. I just pray that God gives us good health and a long life so that we could be there for him, and that his sisters would be old enough to take over his care by then and bring him up well.