To think that today should be the first day for me at work... I've extended my leave for another month Thank God and is now finally able to enjoy it... with a maid at home...
Dun even know where the past 3 months had gone to ... wat with the washings and cleaning in between... I'm gonna make sure I make full use of the next one month to truly relax...
My visions of losing weight has been left to just that... a vision!! I have not lost any!! Sigh... am I to resign myself to a belly and a weight that just won't go below the 70 marker? Thank God my feet did not grow again this time... small blessings : )
Already scheduled one massage next week... a facial should be next ...
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Ties that Bind
Family from far afield - many I have not seen in years, could recognise but without recognition of who they are - came down to Johor yesterday, in respect to a person who passed away on the night of 9th Mar 08. Tokki, my grandfather, had been ill for about 3 years now. I remembered his first admission to the hospital, 2 months after Tasnym's birth... remembered it so well as it was the first time that I drove into JB and the day when I saw Tasnym's first full smile.
It was a surprise when we received that late night phone call on Sunday night.. yes he has been ill but he was doing ok... to hear that he had passed on. It was an easy passing, after having dinner of bread which he promptly threw up, he got my grandma to rub his back. He leaned back against her hand and he left the world. I could only imagine how my grandma felt or went thru at that moment when she realised that he was no longer around. The panic as she called one son after another to rush over and check on him. Children and grandchildren came rushing down through the night. Those further afield coming back way after the funeral was over. It surprised me that some had driven all the way, 4 hours others 8 hours down, only to drive back up on the same day after a brief visit.
It also tells me much about the ties that bind are so fragile if they are not kept bounded. Many faces I saw that day have become merely faces of people I knew... not a word passed our lips to acknowledge each other apart from a nod or maybe even just a passing glance. We were so much closer when we were younger but the distance that separate us have become not only physical but spiritual as well. I recall days of my childhood when the whole house was filled each Hari Raya or events. Everyone lived in JB and were close enought o maintain close ties... but soon each got married, spread out their wings and took flight to various parts of Malaysia. And what was left was a huge home with just my grandparents living in it.
A huge home with a room each for the siblings was soon left vacated one room after another becomng an empty nest... my grandparents converted the rooms to rent out and carved out just a small studio apartment for themselves in that huge home and soon the house that I used to know was no longer there... just a semblance of its former glory.... of the laughter and voices that used to fill it...They even moved to another smaller home when Tokki could no longer cope with the stairs. It was just the 2 of them in that house and I suppose it was appropriate that in death it was just her he was with after the years that it had been just the 2 of them together. It was telling when I asked her where she was moving to since she was now alone, that her response was to be where he was now. At the end of the day... the ties that truly bind is the love that one shares with another... and i hope that mine will be the same.
It was a surprise when we received that late night phone call on Sunday night.. yes he has been ill but he was doing ok... to hear that he had passed on. It was an easy passing, after having dinner of bread which he promptly threw up, he got my grandma to rub his back. He leaned back against her hand and he left the world. I could only imagine how my grandma felt or went thru at that moment when she realised that he was no longer around. The panic as she called one son after another to rush over and check on him. Children and grandchildren came rushing down through the night. Those further afield coming back way after the funeral was over. It surprised me that some had driven all the way, 4 hours others 8 hours down, only to drive back up on the same day after a brief visit.
It also tells me much about the ties that bind are so fragile if they are not kept bounded. Many faces I saw that day have become merely faces of people I knew... not a word passed our lips to acknowledge each other apart from a nod or maybe even just a passing glance. We were so much closer when we were younger but the distance that separate us have become not only physical but spiritual as well. I recall days of my childhood when the whole house was filled each Hari Raya or events. Everyone lived in JB and were close enought o maintain close ties... but soon each got married, spread out their wings and took flight to various parts of Malaysia. And what was left was a huge home with just my grandparents living in it.
A huge home with a room each for the siblings was soon left vacated one room after another becomng an empty nest... my grandparents converted the rooms to rent out and carved out just a small studio apartment for themselves in that huge home and soon the house that I used to know was no longer there... just a semblance of its former glory.... of the laughter and voices that used to fill it...They even moved to another smaller home when Tokki could no longer cope with the stairs. It was just the 2 of them in that house and I suppose it was appropriate that in death it was just her he was with after the years that it had been just the 2 of them together. It was telling when I asked her where she was moving to since she was now alone, that her response was to be where he was now. At the end of the day... the ties that truly bind is the love that one shares with another... and i hope that mine will be the same.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Days into Nights... Zzzz
I am functioning with very little sleep these past few nights... all cos one toothless babe decided that night has turned to day and would be all active while dozing off in the day!! And even in the day sleep may be an elusive thing for her as she takes 10 minute cat naps... enuf to just drive me crazy!
I've tried swaddling her, placing a towel with my breastmilk on it beside her (supposed to give her the sense that I am close by) and placed drops of lavender oil in het cot... well to give them credit, these methods does work for a time... but not all the time esp when mum aka me is trying to rush off some household chores!!
I was watching Kate n Jon plus 8 and it just amazes me how that lady could manage 8 kids all alone... I can't even handle the chores and 1 baby, not to mention 3 kids when everyone decided that they've got their own stuff to do and well the mother will just have to handle all the children on her own cos its her problem anyway... yes everyone is entitled to their own personal space and time to do their thing... except me it seems.
Talking abt chores, I am still maidless after all these time and I am getting super fed-up... that sometimes clothes are on the floor, possibly cos magically it would fly to the laundry basket on its own, that the cat litter somehow is always not changed (maybe someone was waiting for the cat to flush), the laundry basket can pile up high and the waste basket could overflow... all waiting for moi
gosh for the length of time that I have been waiting, the maid had better be good!
I have been using my time anyway to start losing weight but I think I overdid it somewat as I started having dizzy spels and almost collapsed one day. I was cutting down my calories too drastically... not realising that it would have very negative impacts on me ... and I've been exercising! which is really good esp when u see the kilos on the machine pulling back a little each time ... I have a vision - me beating the 60 kg mark! would I reach there? Stay tuned!
I've tried swaddling her, placing a towel with my breastmilk on it beside her (supposed to give her the sense that I am close by) and placed drops of lavender oil in het cot... well to give them credit, these methods does work for a time... but not all the time esp when mum aka me is trying to rush off some household chores!!
I was watching Kate n Jon plus 8 and it just amazes me how that lady could manage 8 kids all alone... I can't even handle the chores and 1 baby, not to mention 3 kids when everyone decided that they've got their own stuff to do and well the mother will just have to handle all the children on her own cos its her problem anyway... yes everyone is entitled to their own personal space and time to do their thing... except me it seems.
Talking abt chores, I am still maidless after all these time and I am getting super fed-up... that sometimes clothes are on the floor, possibly cos magically it would fly to the laundry basket on its own, that the cat litter somehow is always not changed (maybe someone was waiting for the cat to flush), the laundry basket can pile up high and the waste basket could overflow... all waiting for moi
gosh for the length of time that I have been waiting, the maid had better be good!
I have been using my time anyway to start losing weight but I think I overdid it somewat as I started having dizzy spels and almost collapsed one day. I was cutting down my calories too drastically... not realising that it would have very negative impacts on me ... and I've been exercising! which is really good esp when u see the kilos on the machine pulling back a little each time ... I have a vision - me beating the 60 kg mark! would I reach there? Stay tuned!
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