Ties that Bind

Family from far afield - many I have not seen in years, could recognise but without recognition of who they are - came down to Johor yesterday, in respect to a person who passed away on the night of 9th Mar 08. Tokki, my grandfather, had been ill for about 3 years now. I remembered his first admission to the hospital, 2 months after Tasnym's birth... remembered it so well as it was the first time that I drove into JB and the day when I saw Tasnym's first full smile.

It was a surprise when we received that late night phone call on Sunday night.. yes he has been ill but he was doing ok... to hear that he had passed on. It was an easy passing, after having dinner of bread which he promptly threw up, he got my grandma to rub his back. He leaned back against her hand and he left the world. I could only imagine how my grandma felt or went thru at that moment when she realised that he was no longer around. The panic as she called one son after another to rush over and check on him. Children and grandchildren came rushing down through the night. Those further afield coming back way after the funeral was over. It surprised me that some had driven all the way, 4 hours others 8 hours down, only to drive back up on the same day after a brief visit.

It also tells me much about the ties that bind are so fragile if they are not kept bounded. Many faces I saw that day have become merely faces of people I knew... not a word passed our lips to acknowledge each other apart from a nod or maybe even just a passing glance. We were so much closer when we were younger but the distance that separate us have become not only physical but spiritual as well. I recall days of my childhood when the whole house was filled each Hari Raya or events. Everyone lived in JB and were close enought o maintain close ties... but soon each got married, spread out their wings and took flight to various parts of Malaysia. And what was left was a huge home with just my grandparents living in it.

A huge home with a room each for the siblings was soon left vacated one room after another becomng an empty nest... my grandparents converted the rooms to rent out and carved out just a small studio apartment for themselves in that huge home and soon the house that I used to know was no longer there... just a semblance of its former glory.... of the laughter and voices that used to fill it...They even moved to another smaller home when Tokki could no longer cope with the stairs. It was just the 2 of them in that house and I suppose it was appropriate that in death it was just her he was with after the years that it had been just the 2 of them together. It was telling when I asked her where she was moving to since she was now alone, that her response was to be where he was now. At the end of the day... the ties that truly bind is the love that one shares with another... and i hope that mine will be the same.