My honey and poison...

She is my honey and my poison... that was how my dad once described me when someone we visited during the hari raya period years ago commented on my status as an only child. It was not my parents choice to only have one child... that I know... but it was God's decision that there would be only one...

I know of friends who planned only to have one child, for whatever reasons... be it financial, a lack of time, inability to cope etc.. but whenever I can I would put my two cents worth why they should not only stick to one... no, it has nothing to do with the govt's drive for more kids but more of the challenges that an only child has to face... it goes even deeper than the idea of not having any playmates at home... well yes, I was lonely and yes I did not have a playmate but as I grew older, there was the growing realisation of a huge responsibility that I shoulder completely alone, far greater than even the notion that I am the only one who could fulfill my parents' expectations...

Many parents would say that they would not want to depend on their children to care for them in old age... not knowing whether the child they brought up could even be depended on... they may say that they would not want to burden their children anyway, having kept the necessary money for their old age...

But fact is that, any well brought up filial child would carry that burden and responsibility with them...that is of caring for the parents... and it falls completely and only on me... I can't share it not having anyone to share it with...Who would I be able to turn to when I may be faced to make a decision about my parents welfare... what if I cannot afford to pay for my parents' medical needs... who is there to help me in sharing my parents' care- physically, emotionally and financially?

No one... it falls on me and only me.... the thought scares me... what with increasing medical costs... it scares me ... to know that there is only me that I could turn to...

And that is the huge burden that any single child have to carry... You may think that you are doing the child a favor to have only one child as you think that you can then concentrate on giving your best to that child... but you may not realise the immense responsibility that you had inadvertently placed on that child's shoulders...

I fully envy my friends and cousins who have siblings... they do not realise the good fortune they had in having siblings... I cherish my cousins though they may not always feel the same way about me.. as I know that they are the only quasi-siblings I can ever have... but realisation is often there that at the end of the day... it is their family sub-systems that they would turn to and be loyal and at the end of the day, I am still outside that circle... It also puzzles me sometimes why siblings want to destroy the relationship that they have with one another... they dun seem to realise the gift they have, to quibble over non-matters... but I cannot truly understand, may never be able to as I continue standing on the outside looking in...