Its been 3 years now since I don the tudung and shocked all those around me... They never expected it and many came to my work cubicle frequently in the early weeks, trying to adjust to the look and kept telling me that I looked better without... trying to reconcile and sort out whether the tudung had made a difference to the person...
I gritted my teeth and held on ... knowing that I have made the right decision... a decision that I did not make easily, but took much time to contemplate... I never looked back...even when it got too hot or when the tudung simply refused to sit still, having a life of its own... how people can wear it without pins to hold it down is simply beyond me.... or when the baby kept tugging at the ends...and through time those around me realised that the person inside is still the same... I was still me...
I was asked why I made that decision and the answer was simple, because God has asked me to and I finally felt that I was ready. Some may criticise me for that as they may say that it should not be based on my readiness but simply something for me to follow... I felt though that if I had not felt ready, I may resent it and not been committed to the decision to don the tudung... I do not belief in forcing my daughters to wear the tudung and definitely do not agree to practices of making young children wear the tudung... they will wear it when they are ready and I will just guide them on just what is the complete no-nos... I am happy to note that they do see me as their role model and on occasions had asked me to don tudung on them as they see me putting it on...
Why did I do it at that point of time... basically cos I had been asking myself what was it that had been holding me back for so long... when I knew that it was something that God had wanted me to do...I had asked myself, was it simply vanity? What made me think that a person who wears the tudung is not beautiful? Isn't Wahdina still beautiful... even more so after she dons the tudung...and somehow I think God opened my heart to make that decision... with a full wardrobe of tudung that can't fit in anymore!
I make this entry as I reflected on some discussions on forum threads why Muslim girls do this and why some had chosen to take it off after a period of donning the tudung. I knew a girl who did just that and I've always wondered what prompted her decision but never close enough to be able to ask. Who am I to judge anyway...
I know many who would not want to don the tudung or who are hesitant to do so... some simply cos out of vanity as they think that wearing the tudung would turn them into a makcik...or as they fear or worry about how others would view them especially when many of their friends do not wear the tudung or are non-Muslims... To this I would say, why should you worry, the choice is between you and God and others perception of you then becomes a challenge that you must face... and this makcik would also tell you... hey wearing the tudung can be beautiful... and if you are a makcik, just act your age!
Interestingly, it is also my non-Muslim friends, after they grew accustomed to my wearing the tudung, also became my 'tudung-protector'.... they are the ones who would tell me when I am 'showing skin' or hair and would even begin to question why other Muslim girls are not wearing the tudung when it is clear according to religion that they should...
The funny thing though is the awareness of how differently people treat you whether you wear the tudung or not... I remember in my university years, how somehow I didn't fit in with those who wore the tudung, there was somehow an us against them sense of delineation... although I had never been wild or fitted in with the party going girls either... I also sense how some people developed a berth around me after I wore the tudung, some out of respect.... others possibly on the notion that I am different and therefore would not have any commonalities with them... the sad thing though is that they never bothered to learn the real me or got to know me well enough to test out their presumptions and notions about me... I was different... and that was all they were willing to see...
Would I remove the tudung... no, I dun think so... and somehow I feel great pride when I see my younger cousins and other Muslim girls donning it on for the first time... and I welcome them into the realm of tudunghood...while I wait for the others to see the beauty of donning the tudung and join the realm too ... You know who you are ; )
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