A few days back, a distant relative of mine pass away. What then became the hot topic in the family was how her daughter had refused to visit her mum at the latter's death bed in the hospital. Or how she had left her mum struggling alone at home without any mattress to lie on when her mum was sick. Well, at the end, she did visit her mum though it was too late as her mum was unconcious by that time.
My response to all this had been, what had happened between the two that caused the daughter to be so heartless to her mum's suffering. It is not that I do not believe that a human being is incapable of being totally heartless.... they can and have... but usually circumstances prompt men to turn bad. Its just that I feel that something bigger must have happened that had caused the daughter to turn against her mum in that way.
When I was younger, I've often heard stories of how some had turned in their parents into the old-folks homes and how heartless these children were to have done that. It set me thinking... well, if the parent themselves had not taken the time to care for their children, leaving the care to maids and spending more time at work... especially for the fathers... is it fair to then expect the child to care for the parent at old age? How different is it for the parent who had left his child at the child care centre, babysitter, maid etc for most of the week from the child who places his parent in a old folks home or day care when he is at work? Why is there a negative connotation for the latter but not the first. In the Western culture, old folks villages or homes are homely, giving the elderly a sense of independence and yet with adequate structured care. After all, there are circumstances which would necessitate an elderly's placement into a Home, none of the reasons related to a child's wish to abandon the parent but to ensure that the parent receive the necessary nursing care. My argument against the placement would only arise if the child, however, absolutely refused to visit the parent in the old folks home... out of sight out of mind...
Which brings me back again to the question, why do some children opt to abandon their parents, not visiting or rendering love and care. Is it the same to the question of why some parents may abuse their children, refusing love and care? Cos of lack of attachment, cos of past history of abuse? Would the child who had been abused, physically or emotionally by that same parent, neglected or not given adequate care and love going to be the same child who would then in turn abandon his/her parent at the time of need. Anecdotal examples seems to say yes. I've come to know of many tribunal cases where parents had goen to the courts to claim maintenance from their children only to be rejected by the latter due to the abuse that had been inflicted onto them by that same parent. Of course, reasons of abuse do not hold true for all cases.
It amazes me how some adult expects absolute loyalty from their children when they did little in the child's life, especially for the fathers. Did they think that just because they played a part in the conception of the child, through the sperm donation at the point of consumation, that the child then belongs to them and should therefore complete all their biddings? Even for the mothers, what control do we mothers have actually in conceiving the child and delivering - all that is in God's hands. And yet they wield the nine months of pregnancy and the number of hours in labour over the heads of the child as reason as to why the child should then obey to all their commands. It is not the 9 months plus the numerous hous of labour, it is what the parent do after that in years to come that matters, that would determine whether that child would remain steadfast, loyal and true to their parent.
Other reasons also run abound, arguments, differences, conflicts that all sours relationships... Money seems to be a popular reason. Funny isn't it how a loving relationship can be turned around cos of money but hey.. that's another topic altogether. But it is enough of a reason to make a child turn their back against their parent. Sad huh... reminds me of that old story of the couple who was making a wooden bowl for their elderly parent and planning to abandon the elderly parent to the mountain top... only to stop short when they see their young son planning the same for them. What comes around comes around.
Well... for my relative's daughter... it may be too late for regrets and only time to think of what-ifs... and possibly even a reminiscence as to what her mum may possibly have done wrong to her perception...
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