No 4 hits the spot?

After having no 4, people have been asking on how I cope? Who says I was coping in the first place? But seriously, adding the numbers does not necessarily adds up the stress. I mean look at the Duggars, having 19 children and counting. I do think they are crazy to have so many children but watching them it kinds of give you a clue on how they manage and how our grandparents from yesteryears manage their brood of kids.

There was an article I read recently that said no 4 was the magic number where parents somehow are coping better.  Seems paradoxical but the secret lies in simply relaxing and letting it go. Somehow with 4 kids, you have kind of learnt the little tricks and is less stressed on the trivial stuff... (hmmm I better come back to this page to remind myself of this whenever things get rough!) When I first had Sarah, the complete inexperience was a stressor in itself. By the time I get to Hana, I have learnt how to make things easier for myself, eg feeding on the move and eating with one hand while carrying the baby in the other. You also learn not to worry or jump too fast on the small things... so her poop is green, just monitor it for a while more. So she is not wearing a matching pair of socks, life moves on (though now I would say that its the bibik who is making sure Hana is togged out in colours that match!!)

I  am in my baby blues today with a matching bib and why not, the bedsheet too!

Having a little age difference between the girls has also enabled little minions to be on hand to run mini errands ranging from fetching mama a drink to getting the clean diaper for the baby. What are elder kids for if not to help out right? something you wont have with the first child or even the second.

I think the only thing that has really stressed me out with baby no 4 is the realisation that somehow I am one of those in the 1% of women worldwide who cannot produce enough breastmilk. Quite heartbreaking for me as it really hit me this round. With the previous babies, I had dismissed it more to the temperament of the babies or inexperience. Somehow this round, with Hana refusing to breastfeed, the truth really hit me. 

One things it did was to make me question the meaning I had of myself as a woman and a mother and feeling a sense of failure - that I am failing to fulfill my roles for my child. I have somewhat reconciled with that feeling. Amazingly, Facebook was the one that helped me or should I say support groups that I have found on FB for women having the same problem as me. I have to say though, it really irks me to read the queries posed by some of the other women and how it was so easy for them to talk about dumping the milk they have pumped just cos they have drunk some soft drinks! Seriously?? I treasure every single drop of milk I can get cos for me they are truly liquid gold, all 10 ml that I could get at each pump!