We were definitely not planning to be parents again at the age of 44. In an earlier post, I mentioned about feeling very scared. That anxiety and worry never really went away even after his birth.
When I was pregnant with him, I came by chance on some CNA videos on a couple who had 10 children (OK I have no plans of having 10 kids though I am halfway there!). The mother was asked whether she would have more. Her immediate response was no, due her health and age (my reasons too) but her next sentence struck me hard. She said but if God has decided to give her another child, it is because he trusts that she has space in her heart for another child.
I suppose God had trust that I could bring up another child and has space in my heart for that. Children are rezeki and I am blessed.
Sometimes though the worries do take over. Would we have the energy to chase after him? (well that's what older sisters are for right?) Would we be able to expose him to the same experiences we had given the older girls (we can try but covid did take over)? Would he be embarrassed to have such elderly parents - imagine, we would be 60 when he does his PSLE! But one of my greatest worries would be for us falling ill and dying while he is still young. Sometimes we feel that it is unfair for him to have such older parents like us.
I know we can’t predict death and that many of my friends had parents who died when they were very young and when the parents were still relatively young as well. I just pray that God gives us good health and a long life so that we could be there for him, and that his sisters would be old enough to take over his care by then and bring him up well.
No comments:
Post a Comment