1st birthday!

Daniah's first birthday party is coming up, all planned for 4th Jan... we were unable to get a chalet on an earlier date as they have been solid booked for the whole of Dec... so Jan 4th it is... Its beginning to feel like I am planning for her wedding or something as I go into the full mode of buying all sorts of things for the party, pinata and all... the works I tell you!! I have been having it in my mind that this is the last 1st birthday party I am preparing for and so kind of went on an over mode in preparing and planning...

Not fully decided on the menu yet, but we will be having a bbq... chicken, meat, seafood... grandma would be the cook... of course... possibly coming up with delicious main course... maybe bamiah...I dunno... I was even thinking of having boiled cockles...

For that day, my diet takes a break....

I am definitely not seeing any downward movement on my scale... still stuck at 70... I have also started taking several small meals instead of 3 large ones with most of those small meals made up of fruits... Climb up stairs, aerobics, gym... if only I could see the numbers go down... One thing tho I do notice is that I am more fit and toned...

The scale must be broken...

I am totally an impatient person... which is why I simply cannot wait for the scale to show that I have even made the slightest impact in my recent efforts to really lose weight! That scale has something against me I tell you! Sigh... I am on my journey back to where I was when I got married... way before these 3 babies had loaded on the weight for me....

I am not giving up but it does little to the esteem when a month's worth of effort has not registered a change.... not even a single darn kilo??!!! I do think tho that I have reduced some inches around the waist tho I have definitely not checked... too scared that I would be disappointed!! But the tummy does look flatter... maybe a tiny little bit...

I am not going on some diet fad ... or taking anything that might harm my body... I know of friends who had gone on the just fruits diet etc... but I'm definitely not doing that cos I seriously do not think that is healthy. I am not the sort who would drink health shakes either as a substitute for food... thats not food!

I am going to cut down on taking snacks, taking unhealthy fatty food (ie no fries, chips, donuts... eeek and the list goes on!!), eating less carbo (that I can't burn off), less red meat... but maintaining a good intake of fruits and protein... also starting to be more active...

I have completely cut out sweet drinks (no more bubble tea, peach tea, lemon tea.... waaaah!) ... mineral water is all I take now and I dun eat dinner usually or replacing dinner with fruits... And for a month now, I've been going for aerobics, once a week... tho I do think I need to do this more frequently tho its hard to get time off from work to do it and I can't bring the girls to aerobics... so I am gonna start walking up the stairs at work more often too...

surely all these sacrifices would amount to something... the scale is broken I tell you!!

Tateh!

The girls on Hari Raya Haji in their Aodai...

Daniah has been resisting to walk on her own... despite making all her rounds around any table she can find for the past 2 months now... she definitely could do it cos she managed to make 2 steps when she was not conscious of making that step... but try to get her to walk with her fully aware... and she definitely won't do it... Finally today... Sarah called me at work to say, hey Daniah has walked a full distance!!

In my set of wheels..

I am kind of glad that despite being a full time working mum, I have never missed any first milestones that my children did... its like they waited for me before they make that first step, the first clap, the first smile...

And the next thing she does now is to hide and go "Caaaaak" (or should I say 'Taaaak' in her words?) when she sees your face... Very good at screaming too whenever she fights with Tasnym over toys.... but the funny thing is that she would then look over at me or my mum in tears, making noise, like asking us to do something to defend her and complaining about Tasnym... she does overstep it too... complaining about Tasnym over the slightest thing even when the sister was not doing anything much apart from being near her...

My honey and poison...

She is my honey and my poison... that was how my dad once described me when someone we visited during the hari raya period years ago commented on my status as an only child. It was not my parents choice to only have one child... that I know... but it was God's decision that there would be only one...

I know of friends who planned only to have one child, for whatever reasons... be it financial, a lack of time, inability to cope etc.. but whenever I can I would put my two cents worth why they should not only stick to one... no, it has nothing to do with the govt's drive for more kids but more of the challenges that an only child has to face... it goes even deeper than the idea of not having any playmates at home... well yes, I was lonely and yes I did not have a playmate but as I grew older, there was the growing realisation of a huge responsibility that I shoulder completely alone, far greater than even the notion that I am the only one who could fulfill my parents' expectations...

Many parents would say that they would not want to depend on their children to care for them in old age... not knowing whether the child they brought up could even be depended on... they may say that they would not want to burden their children anyway, having kept the necessary money for their old age...

But fact is that, any well brought up filial child would carry that burden and responsibility with them...that is of caring for the parents... and it falls completely and only on me... I can't share it not having anyone to share it with...Who would I be able to turn to when I may be faced to make a decision about my parents welfare... what if I cannot afford to pay for my parents' medical needs... who is there to help me in sharing my parents' care- physically, emotionally and financially?

No one... it falls on me and only me.... the thought scares me... what with increasing medical costs... it scares me ... to know that there is only me that I could turn to...

And that is the huge burden that any single child have to carry... You may think that you are doing the child a favor to have only one child as you think that you can then concentrate on giving your best to that child... but you may not realise the immense responsibility that you had inadvertently placed on that child's shoulders...

I fully envy my friends and cousins who have siblings... they do not realise the good fortune they had in having siblings... I cherish my cousins though they may not always feel the same way about me.. as I know that they are the only quasi-siblings I can ever have... but realisation is often there that at the end of the day... it is their family sub-systems that they would turn to and be loyal and at the end of the day, I am still outside that circle... It also puzzles me sometimes why siblings want to destroy the relationship that they have with one another... they dun seem to realise the gift they have, to quibble over non-matters... but I cannot truly understand, may never be able to as I continue standing on the outside looking in...

Glam Bags

If you were to see a mum struggling with her baby and young pre-schooler while the maid walks behind carrying a glam coach bag.... that would be me.... I would also be the one pushing the stroller.... while the maid walks empty handed behind me...

When I walk around Singapore shopping malls... and believe me I do a lot of this.... I see many glam mums walking carrying their glam bags on their shoulders while the maid struggles with the baby and the diaper bag and the groceries.... these mums may even balk at the idea of having their maids carrying their precious LV, Gucci bags ... at the possible notion that the maid may taint the bag in any way...

My thots are... what exactly is more precious to me.... my bag or my baby... and I can easily tell you its my baby.... my hub has sometimes scolded me that I dun value my bags very much cos I kind of place it anyway and anywhere in the house... and in a sense that is true... I mean I like my bags and all but I do not think I want to put so much value on them no matter how much expensive they are.... and no, I am not rich....

Even from the very first time we had a maid, it has always been our idea that the maid should never be given any child rearing task... and my situation allows it as my mum does the child minding while the maid only do household chores. Even in my household, the same happens when I am not at work that I and the hub care for the children while the maid does the other chores... she only helps in supervising occasionally...whenever the need arises....

I balk at the idea of my children preferring my maid to me... even the thot that any one of my child would turn to my maid rather than me is a nightmare that I would never want...so I would carry my baby whenever we go out because I would always want the first preference of my children to be me, not the maid.... when the child falls and get hurt.... and the first person they turn to is the maid... I would see myself as having completely failed as a parent...

But of course that is me.... if you prefer the children to go to the maid... and the bags have a strong attachment to you... that is ultimately your choice....

Tatak!

Someone is definitely showing that she is no pushover and has a mean temper of her own... try touching her toys, especially if its Tasnym and you'll get a scream in your ears... A person who still can't walk yet and already starting to talk.... calling her sisters "Tatak" to the amusement and delight of both!

She would be in the midst of the older ones playing... no way would she allow them to play without involving her... her birthday is coming up ... can't believe how time flies and soon she would be one... and Sarah would soon be in P1, Argh I'm growing old!! I do love babies... but no way am I gonna have another one... I can't even cope with these 3... with the world changing so much...I do worry abt how the girls will turn out to be and whether my parenting would ever be good enough... whether I am doing the right thing.

I got a bad fitness assessment last week... not that I was expecting otherwise... but it really hit me that I really need to do something... not enuf to just be depressed and whine about my state of health... so I got serious and signed up for Amore classes... have gone for weekly classes now... but still very uncoordinated trying hard to gelek top and bottom in my bellydancing class... sometimes tho I watched the others and truly wondered at how seriously they took the classes... I do it for fun and to lose weight but these people seems all out to be the next world belly dancer to rival Ms Turkey! Did Yoga too... who ever said it was easy... and what chants?... I can't even think ...just needing to focus on maintaining my balance....

So there goes my bubble tea... no more can drinks... sigh... I must be determined and more serious in doing this... I am so tired of people asking me if I am pregnant.... NO I AM NOT!!! ... after all I've been battling my weight gain since my first pregnancy 5 years ago...to be labelled as obese tho I dun look it... and to have a fat content of 40%... gulp... I know where all that is!!

Oh well... onwards in my journey in losing weight ...

Innocent Babes

We went to another Parent teacher meeting last weekend... with some trepidation as to what complaints we may be getting on Tasnym... and she didn't fail us... with the van driver complaining about her not wanting to sit and be belted ... the teacher shared about an incident in which she had purposely stepped on another girl's hand ...after the latter provoked her by demanding that she sit down during circle time instead of standing beside the teacher... and then running away very quickly to sit elsewhere... I did not know whether to laugh or cry... At least we know she can defend herself and would stand up to unwarranted criticisms and demands!!

We were also amused to hear of how Sarah would ask permission to leave her class whenever she hears Tasnym crying, in her words "My sister needs me, I need to go out,"... and sometimes in exasperation when Tasnym starts wailing for me, to say "Mama go work!"

The joys of children....

Which leads me to seriously wonder how and why some people could have the heart to harm their children, torture them and cause them so much pain that it lead to the little child's deaths... tho I admit it might be a better option for these children to be dead than to remain alive under such parents and have their agony prolonged. One baby did not make it even to her 6 months birthday... Why would someone even bother go thru 9 months of pregnancy, painful labour only to kill the very ones they had carried in their womb? Or allow someone to do it...

What is it that could lead a man to feel aroused by a baby ... and feel the need to rape the little child? Read about Baby Brianna and baby P and you will know what I am talking about...

Harlow's experiment on the monkeys showed that monkeys who had been deprived of love and care in their infancy and early childhood were unable to develop empathy and were at high risk of killing or harming their own offsprings... similar observations in orphanages that are not well run showed babies and young children with 'dead eyes' and a lack of ability to develop a social relationship with others... I can only shudder at the thought of them becoming parents one day in turn and how they could or would not be able to develop any feelings of love and care for their children... and subsequently causing the baby harm... Could that be the reason behind why Baby Brianna's parents and baby P's parents had done so much harm... cos they too had been harmed themselves in their childhood or cos they had never been taught or received the true meaning of love when they were younger... disabling their ability to generate empathy for others...and the ability to stop... before they would cause harm...

Ready, steady and UP!

Ready, steady yourself first and up you go on two legs... the momentous joy of learning to stand!!! She too realised what a feat she had achieved and would clap happily ... she can already walk around tables at top speed mind you, lifting one leg high up and thumping it onto the ground repeatedly as she moves around the table... funny thing is that she only goes counter clockwise!! Try putting a piece of tissue a distance away and you can see her moving at top speed homing in... favourite activity - shredding tissue paper!!

My mum as usual has this theory that I had eaten too much crab during pregnancy which is why Daniah walks like a crab... sigh... where does she get all this ideas?

Hot Potato and Grasshopper Gal

Sarah with her best friend, Sabrina.

The girls had their year end concert performance again... this time at the DBS auditorium... and my did Tasnym have a performance! No crying this time, she got to the groove... but funny thing was the sullen serious expression on her face the whole time... The thing tho was that she was at the far corner preventing us from getting better photos... but possibly the teachers were just trying to be careful after last year's fiasco!!

Sarah too had a good performance but I think I definitely preferred her Malay dance last year...

Til death do us part?

Marriage is suppose to last a lifetime and beyond... and so we hope and pray as we make solemn vows on our wedding day... but not many does... we know the statisitics have gone up but it is just a number and it remains a remote information as it is just something that happens to someone out there and you theorise why it happened... they are too young, immature...

The situation however, gets different when it comes closer... and it happens to people you know or close to you and you hear the stories of the marriage that falls apart... you just realise that it is not just to do with being too young or immaturity... its for real, no longer a statistics in the govt page... and you just end up wondering whether it could happen to you and pray that it won't ...

In all the cases I know... it was the man who had walked out... physically and/or emotionally and in all the situations it was because of the presence of another person... I'm not male hitting here but I asked myself what was it that had happened in that marriage to have caused the man to look elsewhere? What had happened to the love that brought the two person together to make the man feel, well the love is no longer there and now its time to look elsewhere? Or is it something else?

It was only in one case I know that the man had not been in love in the first place, more of a rebound relationship when he got married but for the others, they were love matches... no one had put a gun to their head to get married... so what was it that made them then look elsewhere?

You know its easy to just blame the women... both the wife and the other party - the so called seductress who stole the husband away... its easy to say ...oh, maybe the wife did not look after herself, did not meet her husband's needs, was too focus on the kids... that the seductress did all that and seduced the man ...and oh so easily we just absolve the man of his guilt of walking out of his family...

In all the cases that I knew off, the wives were all still pretty and young... one had a fantastic looking body...so where does that put us? In one case, the 'other woman' is a friend... and nowhere in my mind can I even picture her as a seductress... she is just a normal everyday girl... just like anyone else... though I was thinking that I would be very worried if I was the 'other woman'... if this man can leave his wife for me... there is nothing to stop him from leaving me for someone else...

So it goes back again to the man... a friend of mine laughed abt it and said we have such low opinion of men's ability to stand up to temptation and think of them to be so weak that they could easily fall off the other side... but I don't think its so easy... I mean what is it that could make them forget their vows, their children and their responsibility and just move on to another heart, another warm body in bed... is it as simple as that it is their predisposition to be that way? I truly dun know... hmmm... need to think more about this... if anybody has any opinions, let me know...

Tudung babe...

Its been 3 years now since I don the tudung and shocked all those around me... They never expected it and many came to my work cubicle frequently in the early weeks, trying to adjust to the look and kept telling me that I looked better without... trying to reconcile and sort out whether the tudung had made a difference to the person...

I gritted my teeth and held on ... knowing that I have made the right decision... a decision that I did not make easily, but took much time to contemplate... I never looked back...even when it got too hot or when the tudung simply refused to sit still, having a life of its own... how people can wear it without pins to hold it down is simply beyond me.... or when the baby kept tugging at the ends...and through time those around me realised that the person inside is still the same... I was still me...

I was asked why I made that decision and the answer was simple, because God has asked me to and I finally felt that I was ready. Some may criticise me for that as they may say that it should not be based on my readiness but simply something for me to follow... I felt though that if I had not felt ready, I may resent it and not been committed to the decision to don the tudung... I do not belief in forcing my daughters to wear the tudung and definitely do not agree to practices of making young children wear the tudung... they will wear it when they are ready and I will just guide them on just what is the complete no-nos... I am happy to note that they do see me as their role model and on occasions had asked me to don tudung on them as they see me putting it on...

Why did I do it at that point of time... basically cos I had been asking myself what was it that had been holding me back for so long... when I knew that it was something that God had wanted me to do...I had asked myself, was it simply vanity? What made me think that a person who wears the tudung is not beautiful? Isn't Wahdina still beautiful... even more so after she dons the tudung...and somehow I think God opened my heart to make that decision... with a full wardrobe of tudung that can't fit in anymore!

I make this entry as I reflected on some discussions on forum threads why Muslim girls do this and why some had chosen to take it off after a period of donning the tudung. I knew a girl who did just that and I've always wondered what prompted her decision but never close enough to be able to ask. Who am I to judge anyway...

I know many who would not want to don the tudung or who are hesitant to do so... some simply cos out of vanity as they think that wearing the tudung would turn them into a makcik...or as they fear or worry about how others would view them especially when many of their friends do not wear the tudung or are non-Muslims... To this I would say, why should you worry, the choice is between you and God and others perception of you then becomes a challenge that you must face... and this makcik would also tell you... hey wearing the tudung can be beautiful... and if you are a makcik, just act your age!

Interestingly, it is also my non-Muslim friends, after they grew accustomed to my wearing the tudung, also became my 'tudung-protector'.... they are the ones who would tell me when I am 'showing skin' or hair and would even begin to question why other Muslim girls are not wearing the tudung when it is clear according to religion that they should...

The funny thing though is the awareness of how differently people treat you whether you wear the tudung or not... I remember in my university years, how somehow I didn't fit in with those who wore the tudung, there was somehow an us against them sense of delineation... although I had never been wild or fitted in with the party going girls either... I also sense how some people developed a berth around me after I wore the tudung, some out of respect.... others possibly on the notion that I am different and therefore would not have any commonalities with them... the sad thing though is that they never bothered to learn the real me or got to know me well enough to test out their presumptions and notions about me... I was different... and that was all they were willing to see...

Would I remove the tudung... no, I dun think so... and somehow I feel great pride when I see my younger cousins and other Muslim girls donning it on for the first time... and I welcome them into the realm of tudunghood...while I wait for the others to see the beauty of donning the tudung and join the realm too ... You know who you are ; )

Second Child Syndrome?

I have been scratching my head on how to manage Tasnym... even began to have doubts on how my parenting was as she tests every skill and knowledge in my books...

I think it really made me feel so much better after a conversation with my Australian consultant a week ago and felt so reassured when she shared similar experiences in managing her second son... she is the expert and if she had problems... what more me a mere mortal? Tantrums, strong personality, dealing with sibling rivalry... everything all in one package... And my conversation with others revealed that I definitely am not alone in facing these... but the coincidence is in it happening with the second child.

What is it about being the second child that we are seeing their behaviors to be so challenging... or is that a mere coincidence in the order of birth... I truly wonder.... Possibly they are trying to find their own niche after coming in second, making sure that they not lose out to all the privileges that the first born has gotten... possibly it is their way of ensuring that the first does not always remain first by virtue of birth but that they get first options too...

It definitely seems true for Tasnym... she always has to be in control, have her say in everything and be first always... even with Daniah, she insists on having her way...sometimes you just feel so sorry for Sarah as she keeps having to give in and you know that its not right that the situation is that way... but peace of mind (from having to deal with that deafening high screech) always wins when you are tired from work... rather than having to be a fair parent who maintains equality and justice...

I know one day Sarah is going to turn around and say that I am not being fair.. not that it has not happened already... but I do hope it would not impact on their relationship with each other as I have heard it happen to other sibling relationships...

Not just a birthmark...

A while ago, I posted my thoughts on not being bothered abt my baby's birthmark anymore... but a few days ago. I learned that it may not be such a benign matter. Spoke to a doctor friend of mine who is a consultant at NUH, who told me that there are instances where such marks are connected to the brain leading to the child getting fits and seizures. He has so kindly offered to have his friend who is a plastic surgeon assess the matter for us.

My friend said that it was important for us to have it scanned and assessed soon. Who would have thought? I really hope it is just what it is.. a birthmark and nothing more..

Anyway, Daniah is already finding her feet at 8 months and now in her 9th month, she may just start walking very soon... Her sisters were also very fast having started walking at 10 and 9 months. And we'll soon have another one to chase after... wonder how come we still have not lost any weight?

Zee Caterpillar

Daniah is now doing her best caterpillar impersonation... go on all fours then slide forward... on all fours then slide forward... and repeat

She has also been able to pull herself up to standing position, won't be surprised if she starts walking very soon.. she is very active and always getting into her sisters' way, trying very hard to get involved in whatever they are doing, to their irritation... we are just waiting for the day when it would be a 3 party fight and quarrels rather than the 2 way fights between just the 2 elder girls... As it is, the older girls are already complaining, "Mama, look at Daniah disturb my book!"... sigh...

Come on smile!

Here are the studio pics!

So angmoh right?
And this one ever so sweet!!

Gorgeous huh?

The ones below are photos that my dad took of the girls. Sarah's is not available in soft copy. Its amazing how alike Tasnym and Daniah look when they smile. Interestingly, Daniah looked exactly like Sarah when she is not smiling!

So who is who? Which one is Tasnym and which one is Daniah?

Sakura

Arent' they simply gorgeous? My two princesses... We went for another family photo shoot last week and were simply too ambitious signing up for a package that allows us 6 costume changes, we barely made it past 2 before Tasnym decided to call a strike and refused to smile anymore!! So not surprisingly only the first few photos turned out well with the rest in the bin! We got 6 soft copy poses too ..so will put that up when its done...

Lets just share..

There was an article in the papers a few weeks back abt non-handicap people using the handicap toilet.. again..

Actually I am one of those who do use the handicap toilet pretty regularly.... but before people start throwing stones at me.. let me explain why....

Firstly, I do think that the handicap should have priority in using the toilets but I definitely do not think that the handicap toilet should be exclusively for the handicapped. In Jusco Tebrau in JB, the handicap toilet is also meant for the pregnant ladies, those with small children etc... the fact that the doors can't shut... well that is another story... but basically the idea is a special toilet for those in need and not just for the wheelchair bound.

Imagine you are a mother with a stroller ... hmmm that issue again... wanting to use the toilet, well she can't jolly well fit into the regular toilet cubicles can she and she can't leave the baby outside either... leave the stroller and bring the baby in? hmmm... what an acrobatic balancing act! So wat options does she have but to use the handicap toilet? And to think of it, I have never seen a mother pushing a stroller with her baby to our toilets... they must all be using the handicap toilets hah?

The other scenario would be when you have small kids with you... again you can't leave them outside and they can't fit into the cubicle esp those extra tiny ones where you can't close the door without having to squeeze by the side of the toilet bowl... who designed those I truly wonder?

So as you can see... other people need that handicap toilet... not just those wheelchair bound ones.

And please can the cleaners leave the handicap toilet doors unlocked... whoever who thought that was a good idea as a way of ensuring that the toilets are only used by the handicap must be seriously demented... I mean why would you want the handicap or anyone else going to a completely different location to get the key first before they can use the toilet... haven't they heard of the term 'high tide'? And I seriously do not think they are doing the handicapped a service... even if they had intended to..

Leave the baby at home?

What a funny remark as a solution to the conflicts strollers have been having with people's feet... leave the baby at home when parents go out shopping, dining or just out in general? And isn't it funny that those remarks are made by those who are not married and are without children... lets see whether they will leave their babies at home when the time comes..

The newspaper article in the Sunday Times just showed how egocentric Singaporeans are in managing issues. The solution should be something that benefits me and me alone. So they say keep the baby at home, dun take the bus... dun the parents have more sense than to take other forms of transport... fold the stroller...

And I wonder dun they realise that not everyone could afford to take taxis everywhere... that the bus is a public option for many... in the UK, there is even a stroller parking lot on the bus and people make way when a parent comes on board with the stroller.

If people complain that strollers are blocking the way on the bus and in the restaurants, shouldn't we think of solutions that would benefit all... no, keeping the baby at home is not the solution... some solutions that would help could be to have family tables arranged at restaurants that would leave more room for people to walk along the aisle... to have stoller lots on buses...

And the issue of stroller conflicts with feet, I dun think the issue is with stroller or trolleys for that matter, cos there are lots of fights between trolleys and feet too... but the issue is with Singaporeans tendency to not give way to others... they just need to be in front... on the roads, on the pavements, in the malls ... there is no difference.. and even if you apologise cos of a genuine mistake, they glare at you like you had owed them a living... its rather bizarre... its truly nothing to do with strollers per se...

Come on the world is big enough to accommodate all of us for now, just move a little, it won't harm you, trust me.

What does it matter to you?

Its a birthmark....

For the upteenth time I find myself having to quote that ....

And the interesting thing is that I never found myself having to say that... not even once... on my trip to UK and Paris...

Why is it that in Singapore and even more so in Malaysia, I find myself having to explain why my baby has a bluish patch on her right cheek repeatedly with a gentle "please dun ask me anymore question" smile ... in Malaysia, they are not even just satisfied with that and would even ask me strange questions about my labour... to test out their old wives theories as to how the patch could possibly have come about... and me with such strong boundary issues have to face such personal questions

Maybe I should instead be saying..."It's a haemangioma, otherwise known as a strawberry mark" and go into a full blown explanation that it is a -

Red or purple-coloured vascular skin markings that develop shortly after birth. most are usually painless and benign. Some lesions (cavernous haemangiomas) will disappear or become harder to see as the child approaches school age.

That should shut them up!

My mother just has her belief that the mark was caused by me going out, whilst pregnant, when there was an eclipse of the sun .. how strange... and stranger yet that she actually believes it when even my grandma debunks it.

I find myself not really caring anymore about the patch.. it used to be a concern and I even contemplated laser treatment etc but now I looked at it and dun see anything wrong with it... Like Penelope got used to her nose... well the patch is a part of Daniah and I think it would be strange if she did not have it anymore. My father still is though and would keep asking when the patch would go away reasoning that its a big concern cos she is a girl. You mean it won't matter if it is a boy? My only thoughts are if a guy were to reject my girl cos of a patch on her face, he is not worth her time and definitely does not deserve this princess!

Daniah turns 7 months yesterday and she has yet to sit fully unsupported and crawl... I think it does not help that she has 2 elder sisters who developed so fast and became a point of comparison. Not that it matters once she finds her legs... she will then become another one that we have to chase after and look out for.... for now, ooohhhh my aching arms and back!!!

Feeling like a maid?

I've heard this comments occasionally from my girl friends whenever they have to do more than the usual household chores "I feel like the maid" ... and it now sets me wondering at how far the women in Singapore have moved on ...

The league of our mothers and grandmothers would never have made such a comment. It was unthought of... it would not have crossed their minds that when they are doing the household chores that they were being treated like a maid or even feel like one. It was their duty, their responsibility ... and there was no two ways about it... they get it done cos who else would? Definitely not the men in the household. At most they get the help of their daughters when the later are of age...

Today though... its a different story.... how much we have moved on to feel that household work need not necessarily be our responsibility ... to feel that it could or should be someone else's ....

Think about it... when women breastfeed... it is tiring, it is taxing, it takes a lot from the women but it would not have crossed their mind to quip "I feel like the maid" when they are actually doing it.. it is their duty, their responsibility, their role to do...

but when it comes to household chores ... hmmm... it becomes a different thing... how is it that we have somehow move to start feeling that when we are doing household chores that this should be the responsibility of the maids and not ours? I think it impacts more on those of us who works full-time...I dun mind having to do household chores... i mean not that i completely dun mind... of course I would prefer not having to do it... but hey if I have to do it, I got to do it....

I start feeling upset tho when I feel that somehow the other members in the house disregard the fact that I am also working full-time and yet having to do the household chores. When things are thrown on the floor or left lying aroound with an expectation that I will pick it up. Sometimes I also feel upset that it is being taken for granted that I will do it so no one else feels compelled to do it... and thats when the thought "I feel like the maid" comes to mind... cos dun we get into that mindset/ tendency that when we have the maid we no longer have to do the household chores and leave it completely to the maid?

I do wonder how the maids feel when this happens to them... not too far different from us I suspect...

Maid Blues... Again x 4!!

Oh when would this ever end... and here I thought we would be getting a maid by tonight and that my house can finally be clean again by tomorrow afternoon... only to get a call from the agency that the maid has failed her exams... 3 x in a row and would now be nicely going home to Indonesia... what was this? a short getaway trip for her???!!!

And the search is on.... again... and the wait is on... again....

so back we would be hauling ourselves to the agency once more ... to make our selection... once more... and subject ourselves to the mercy of waiting ...

London Bridge is falling down

The girls in Bath

We finally made it to UK and Paris for our longest trip ever... and I know there were definitely moments there when dear hubby was ready to just kill Tasnym... cos I felt that way too... Somehow she got into the mode of wanting to be carried everywhere, refusing to move from the pavement she is sitting on until no one else except her papa returns to carry her. Daniah too became an absolute koala refusing anyone else when her mama is around... my arms became muscular from the trip!! Colleagues said that I am now half of me from before the trip! Yeah and slowly but surely gaining back that half!!


I would say that it was a good trip... I loved the natural history museum - to get to see the dinosaur fossils and the bones of the blue whale... wow!! Stonehenge and the changing of guards at the Buckingham Palace was a let down... maybe too much hype than anything else.



Having both sets of grandparents around was a good thing - as extra sets of hands to carry things and manage the girls.. The long flight was a killer and the earlier road trips drove us simply nuts as we just kept getting lost - finding ourselves going the wrong way on the map... and to think that SOME PEOPLE said there is no need for the GPS thingy in UK.. yeah right... the same people who ended up putting themselves on fire cos of stress... just looking for the hotels took more than an hour... as we went round and round... We even ran out of clothes to wear cos some people insisted that I should not be bringing so much clothes, the same people who ended up shopping for clothes cos he did not have anything to wear... hmmmph!

Not forgetting the saga that we went thru when I left my phone behind in Kensington Park. The whole of Singapore was trying to get hold of us in UK and that was on our first day there. I am amazed at my good fortune that the guy who happened to walk past my phone when it coincidentally rang (cos a friend in UK was calling me) picked the call and agreed to return the phone to me! There began the whole saga of my entire family trying their darn hardest to get hold of us after my friend contacted my friends in Singapore to get in touch with me in a very circuitous way..... And I did get my phone back from a very nice person by the name of Mehdi who works in Royal Albert Hall.. Thank you so much!!

And to think that I also left my camera behind in a toilet in Edinburgh and also got it back! I am becoming so forgetful and absent minded!!

My house is till a mess, the suitcase is still lying in the hall ... and we are still dealing with the jet lag... but the memories were worth it... how do you grapple with looking at a building that is 800 years old? Or that a room you are in saw the birth of a King 500 years ago? Living in a bed and Breakfast was an experience... but we definitely could do without all those stairs ... to think we were staying in the attic!

Feeding ducks and swans at Windermere, Lake District

Paris was not as nice an experience... the snobbery of the people, the filth of the metro... it just spoils the entire experience when the places we were at were so nice.. where else can you meet Indian guys selling crepe (that's French Prata!!) speaking French with the snobbery attached!! and the fact that someone attempted to pickpocket my dad! The guy we met at the tourist information counter at the airport was so arrogant... he should definitely not be working there... he told me off for mispronouncing Les Halles..."Its Lee-Al, its French" with a dismissive snort... huh! like I would know how it should be pronounced and like as if he can pronounce Bedok!

Painted faces in Disney. We paid $25 each and they wanted it wiped off after an hour!Never forgetting her trademark pose!!

Its been a long time...

It has been some time since I last blogged... and there has been lots of ups and downs in between... for one the maid left and now I'm waiting for the next maid to come tomorrow... more details some other time...

daniah is now 6 months old and has turned into an absolute koala...

tasnym is well just tasnym... with aspirations of being a princess now

and sarah ... has turned into someone who is trying to discipline her younger sister, like that will happen!

Sarah: Say sorry... say sorry properly... I am still waiting... dun nyeh nyeh nyeh... say it properly.. wat must you say if you want the biscuit? ...

An acquaintance recently spoke about how she was frustrated that her maid was not completing all her given tasks. This was on top of the child caring, cooking etc that she needed to do. It struck me how much we are asking from the domestic help we recruit to care for our homes. There has been many occasions too when I had seen domestic helpers made to carry all the groceries and carry the child while the parents walk empty handed at the malls... and I wonder... do these people think that they have gotten a robot or worse yet do they think that the amount of money they pay these ladies' salarys have given them full authority to use every single inch of the maid's energy? Or whatever they can squeeze out of it... Even when I carry my baby, I try to carry some grocery bags... how do these people have the heart to watch the maid struggling and not feel anything.. to think that many of these maids are so small in size.

I think that the experience I had dealing with not so good maids and the time I had to manage the household myself made me more appreciative of my current help. To care for 3 kids, you got to bathe them, cook for them, feed them, play, clean chase after them, bring them to the toilet multiple times in a day, change diapers etc... I could not even think of cleaning the house, washing dishes is as far as I can go... not to even think that most times I did not even have time for myself, to bathe or even have a breather... so why is it that when we employ domestic help that the expectation is there for them to do all this? Or get angry when they are unable to fulfill it? I suspect that all those ladies who complain somehow have never held the short end of the stick before... I even try to tell my maid that she does not need to do some chores so often and the thing is she is not even caring for my kids full-time only helping my mum to do so.

My current helper spoke abt how when she was at her previous employer, she was allowed only one meal a day - a pack of maggi without any additions like veggie or meat. I was baffled and wondered why people would do that.. to expect the maid to work and yet not give them food? I have also read of people who begrudge or complain about the maid taking that extra scoop of peanut butter..

This people do not deserve a helper, they deserve to be treated the same way they treat their helper..

Put Plaster

Tasnym has a serious fetish with plasters - those that you place over a wound... only for her there need not be a wound.. as long as she got hurt, a piece of plaster need to be pasted over it to make her feel better and the tears go away. It has gotten to the point where we need to hide the plasters in the house or she would have them all pasted on her body... we can easily wipe out the nearest Watson's supply! Don't matter whether they have cartoon prints on them or simply brown plain drab ones - it is still a plaster!

Not just for her, she also gets very excited when others need a plaster and would have a huge grin on her face when you get a wound cos for her you can then "put plaster!!"

Sistas..

We were worried about Tasnym and how she would take to the baby but somehow her love for babies in general carried through to her baby sister. She has always taken a liking for babies, including toy ones and its no exception to Daniah. Wanting to hug, carry and kiss the baby at all times... to Daniah's dismay and apprehension of all those around... as Tasnym is sooo rough!

There was once I caught her carrying the baby and dropping the baby back to the bed when I turned to watch what she was up to... my heart practically stopped!

The 3 sistas

It is interesting how the 2 older ones fight so much and yet think of each other as well. Tasnym would never fail to ask for her sister when the latter is not around. And though she may snatch things from Sarah and refuse to share, she would remember to ask for the extra sweets and snacks from others on behalf of Sarah if she were to be given any. Sarah too does the same.

I just hope that the closeness they share now is carried through .. to be partners in support and love.

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Smile baby smile

The heart stopping smile that makes all the troubles and pains disappear!!

Now if only it can help me lose weight! Mwa haha.. I just have no discipline sigh...

How time flies...

To think that today should be the first day for me at work... I've extended my leave for another month Thank God and is now finally able to enjoy it... with a maid at home...

Dun even know where the past 3 months had gone to ... wat with the washings and cleaning in between... I'm gonna make sure I make full use of the next one month to truly relax...

My visions of losing weight has been left to just that... a vision!! I have not lost any!! Sigh... am I to resign myself to a belly and a weight that just won't go below the 70 marker? Thank God my feet did not grow again this time... small blessings : )

Already scheduled one massage next week... a facial should be next ...

Ties that Bind

Family from far afield - many I have not seen in years, could recognise but without recognition of who they are - came down to Johor yesterday, in respect to a person who passed away on the night of 9th Mar 08. Tokki, my grandfather, had been ill for about 3 years now. I remembered his first admission to the hospital, 2 months after Tasnym's birth... remembered it so well as it was the first time that I drove into JB and the day when I saw Tasnym's first full smile.

It was a surprise when we received that late night phone call on Sunday night.. yes he has been ill but he was doing ok... to hear that he had passed on. It was an easy passing, after having dinner of bread which he promptly threw up, he got my grandma to rub his back. He leaned back against her hand and he left the world. I could only imagine how my grandma felt or went thru at that moment when she realised that he was no longer around. The panic as she called one son after another to rush over and check on him. Children and grandchildren came rushing down through the night. Those further afield coming back way after the funeral was over. It surprised me that some had driven all the way, 4 hours others 8 hours down, only to drive back up on the same day after a brief visit.

It also tells me much about the ties that bind are so fragile if they are not kept bounded. Many faces I saw that day have become merely faces of people I knew... not a word passed our lips to acknowledge each other apart from a nod or maybe even just a passing glance. We were so much closer when we were younger but the distance that separate us have become not only physical but spiritual as well. I recall days of my childhood when the whole house was filled each Hari Raya or events. Everyone lived in JB and were close enought o maintain close ties... but soon each got married, spread out their wings and took flight to various parts of Malaysia. And what was left was a huge home with just my grandparents living in it.

A huge home with a room each for the siblings was soon left vacated one room after another becomng an empty nest... my grandparents converted the rooms to rent out and carved out just a small studio apartment for themselves in that huge home and soon the house that I used to know was no longer there... just a semblance of its former glory.... of the laughter and voices that used to fill it...They even moved to another smaller home when Tokki could no longer cope with the stairs. It was just the 2 of them in that house and I suppose it was appropriate that in death it was just her he was with after the years that it had been just the 2 of them together. It was telling when I asked her where she was moving to since she was now alone, that her response was to be where he was now. At the end of the day... the ties that truly bind is the love that one shares with another... and i hope that mine will be the same.

Days into Nights... Zzzz

I am functioning with very little sleep these past few nights... all cos one toothless babe decided that night has turned to day and would be all active while dozing off in the day!! And even in the day sleep may be an elusive thing for her as she takes 10 minute cat naps... enuf to just drive me crazy!

I've tried swaddling her, placing a towel with my breastmilk on it beside her (supposed to give her the sense that I am close by) and placed drops of lavender oil in het cot... well to give them credit, these methods does work for a time... but not all the time esp when mum aka me is trying to rush off some household chores!!

I was watching Kate n Jon plus 8 and it just amazes me how that lady could manage 8 kids all alone... I can't even handle the chores and 1 baby, not to mention 3 kids when everyone decided that they've got their own stuff to do and well the mother will just have to handle all the children on her own cos its her problem anyway... yes everyone is entitled to their own personal space and time to do their thing... except me it seems.

Talking abt chores, I am still maidless after all these time and I am getting super fed-up... that sometimes clothes are on the floor, possibly cos magically it would fly to the laundry basket on its own, that the cat litter somehow is always not changed (maybe someone was waiting for the cat to flush), the laundry basket can pile up high and the waste basket could overflow... all waiting for moi

gosh for the length of time that I have been waiting, the maid had better be good!

I have been using my time anyway to start losing weight but I think I overdid it somewat as I started having dizzy spels and almost collapsed one day. I was cutting down my calories too drastically... not realising that it would have very negative impacts on me ... and I've been exercising! which is really good esp when u see the kilos on the machine pulling back a little each time ... I have a vision - me beating the 60 kg mark! would I reach there? Stay tuned!

Someday my Prince will come...

Sarah: Mama, today Hidir asked me to be his girlfriend and he wanted to sit beside me. (To the dismay of her dad and amusement of her mum)
Mama: So wat did you tell him?
Sarah: I said NO!

Oh gosh, I thought that this conversation was way too early by 14 years!! Are kids getting too exposed or wat that such conversations are taking place in kindergartens!! Well now she says No but not too sure what her answers may be in years to come and one thing for sure, she may not even be telling us that such conversations are taking place!

Anyway, one thing for sure, she has her heart set on being a princess so we just have to make sure that a true prince does come along... Though I'm not too worried for her cos she is one who knows what she wants... far different from Tasnym who wants what the other person wants and would drop what she has with her ... to the point of spitting food out... if she sees others with something else ... though not necessarily better!!

I want to be a Princess!

Sarah : Papa, When I grow up, I want to be a princess

Papa : But Sarah, I am not a King then how are you going to be a princess?

Sarah : Never mind lah, I can wear the dress and crown and then I will become a Princess!

If only it could be that easy!! But when the opportunity came for her at a recent photo studio to put on what she termed as princess dresses, she jumped at it and became a princess for the day!

But princess or no princess, one thing is for certain and that is this girl has creative juices running in her...

She created this collage from torn paper to form the image of a girl...

Mama : And Tasnym what would you want to be?

Tasnym : Mickey Mouse!

What u doing Mama?

When Sarah first came to know of breastfeeding in those days of Tasnym, she had once lifted up her t-shirt to offer her chest to breastfeed when Tasnym cried!!

She must have forgotten those breastfeeding days cos this time round at the hospital when ut was time to feed Daniah, she asked me... "where's the container to make milk?" esp since she had offered her services to help make milk for the baby when the baby arrives to the granny's amusement... like the granny said "you dun even know how to make your own milk!"

Tasnym was more horrified at the process "Dun mama dun! Dun let the baby eat your tummy!!"

Confine Me ...NOT!!

What's the idea behind the one month confinement anyway? Well the initial few days I understand... with the pain, the aches and the sores... you wouldn't want to get out of the house anyway. I can even understand why baby should be kept more at home as their vulnerable systems are being protected from the ravages of pollution outside... not that we live in a bubble and can protect her that much anyway from being at home.

Thank God my family does not enfore the confinement ideology on me... probably realising the futility of doing such... I would have gone stark raving MAD!! Imagine staring at walls all day as you deal with a screaming infant... someone tell me again the rationale behind the confinement...

I think it has got to do with allowing your body to rest and probably protect you from germs outside too... just dun get it why people enforce it soooo strictly... a walk in the park or thru the shopping centre during off peak hours is not gonna harm anyone... cos if it does, whole nations of westerners would have been wiped out already!!

It's No walk in the Park

Who says breastfeeding was easy? And how come no one warned me that it was not before I had my first child? To spare me all the stress.. All I had was visions of me feeding a baby at my breast thinking that well since it was biological, it must be easy.... says who??

You deal with sore nipples, sore backs, sore shoulders, leaking breasts and an eternity of time with baby at the breast... and everyone else just wanting to hand over the baby to you at the slightest whimper or cry... regardless of the fact that you just finished feeding ... this old ladies have the theory that if the baby suckle at their finger, the baby must be hungry... hmmm... haven't they heard of the reflex psysiological response in babies to just do that, whether they are hungry or not? And comments like "You didn't give enough milk?", "You should give bottled milk then they will feel more full" " You should eat more, then you will have more milk" all those does not help.

I dun think I would have given up total breastfeeding so easily for Sarah or been so stressed out if I had been well prepared... I even started feeling like a failure as a mother as I just could not have enough milk. Well one thing I've learnt is that its ok if you can't, its ok to supplement... yes it might reduce your supply and yes breast milk is the best but I definitely think that its better to keep your sanity and not end up bashing up the baby cos you had a nervous breakdown from dealing with the rigours of feeding!

Now with Daniah, I'm better prepared and better able to know what I need to do... but all the sore stuff.. its still there!

Hey Charlie!

Yes the third angel is out... to complete the set and complete it is.


We did not even reach the 31st Dec... I was kind of having the feeling by the 20th that it was going to be much faster and when the doc confirmed that yup the baby is waaay down south, the wait began and we waited and waited and waited but she didn't turn up even after I turned into a true penguin!! Izad was ever so worried that he may not make it in time to the hospital considering how low the baby was sitting but waited she did.


We went for another appt on the 27th Dec and was so surprised to learn that I was already 4-5 cm dilated!! I wasn't even having any pains yet and completely had no show or any signs yet..
But by the time I reached the delivery ward, the pains began and I calmly asked for an epidural despite the doc's insistence that it was not going to take long... like I cared to know! And boy, I dun regret my decision as the pains began in earnest later and I could feel the intense pain despite the epidural... as my hubby so kindly pointed out as he watched Harry Potter... I would not have been so quiet otherwise... I am NOT a screamer.. thank you very much!

Well, the nurse kept checking in on me asking whether I felt any urge to push and seriously I didn't... that epidural must be working way to well.. the nurse got worried when the baby's heartbeat kept disappearing on the monitor and called the doc which luckily she did way in time... as the baby's head was actually already out!! And we didn't even realise it! So after 4.5 hours labour, which should have been much shorter, Daniah Ariesah was born...

A week later, I can't even finish this blog entry... trying to manage the Charlie's Angels and freelancing as a cow on the side... the joys of motherhood? more like the greatest challenge!