SG Exams

 When Sandra Bullock declares that she does not understand Sg Maths, you know that your country’s education system and stresses has reached world level pinnacle, in terms of having curriculum that is known to be more challenging.

By now, I have already gone through 3 rounds of PSLE, 2 rounds of O levels and 1 round of A levels with many more to come. 

The first round of PSLE was traumatic and brought with it hard lessons. That the expectations we had for our kids did not matter much, definitely not more than wanting them to be alive and being next to us, to grow and be the beautiful people we wanted them to be. 

I know the reason why we want our kids to do well is cos we want their journey to be easier and not be so hard if they did not do well in their education. Sure there are stories of people who didn’t do well in their studies, doing very well in life. But these are few and far between and the reality is that they make use of the talents gifted them or had other blessings in life that helped.  How many of us really have such talents or special supports?  We may not have what it takes or the know how to build a successful business etc, may not have the gifts to sing well or perform.  For most of us, it is the education that we have that becomes our insurance for that better life.  

As I went through more rounds of national exams, I realised that the grades did not really matter. Sure we would be happy if they did well, rejoice and celebrate. But what mattered more was that they are happy. What’s the point of imposing our wants on them? It’s no longer our lives to live. We already had the opportunity to live ours and now its their journey.

Its hard to see them disappointed and upset with the results they get. You know they have tried and the only way now is forward in making the best of what they got. I realised when they didn’t do as well as expected, that I did not feel upset. Rather it was immense worry as to how they would cope with the results and manoeuvre their way through the system that lowers options as the results varies.  I can rant about the system but what really can I do, no matter how much we rant, the system remains largely the same.  

It may be hard but we need to trust that God has the best of plans for us, though it may not be what we thought we really wanted. 

Who knows what my life would be like if I had gone to Mass Comm as I had really wanted years ago. Would my life be the same? I seriously doubt. But my life’s journey took me to where I am now, and its the best one for me. 

First times first jobs

 When Sarah completed her O levels, she took on a job as a bookshop assistant. This time, it was Tasnym’s turn to take on her first job ever and this girl clearly knows what she wanted or not. Factory or packing jobs were not for her though her friends were taking these up.

And the job must pay more than $10 an hour so that she could afford a gym membership as she puts it.  So we arranged for her to take on a job at her uncle’s gym to kill 2 birds with one stone. She was happy with it but soon realised that it didn’t offer her a daily engagement so off she went searching for another job, this time in the medical industry.

Got to admit I was surprised that she was willing to take on a job at a hospice changing diapers of the elderly. “Why would I care if I am seeing naked old people?” 

So we got her to practice on her brother’s diaper first! Unfortunately, the job did not pan out and she was told they had too many manpower (hmmm…) And she refused to change her brother’s diapers anymore after that. “cos I am not paid to do it!” She says.

Oh well… she was then offered a job as a health assistant at TTSH and that’s where she has been almost daily 7 am to 7 pm.  Honestly, I do kind of wonder why more singaporeans are not taking up the job.  The pay is good and so are the benefits with food provided for all the workers.  The job didn’t seem too hard with the only downside being the 12 hour shifts.  But its not like a person had to be on their feet throughout that 12 hours. There were lots of opportunities to take breaks in between. And of course you need to have your full PPE on.

One thing for sure, Tasnym is determined that she wants to pursue a career in the medical field.  This mama is making lots of prayers that she achieves her dreams. 

First days

 It’s the beginning of the new year.  Our ritual has been a first day photo but this year is definitely much different from the rest! Well for one thing, 2 girls are no longer in school.  And with covid, start of school is staggered to different days for different levels. 

This year, Hanz would start his journey in Hanis. I should indeed be careful with what I wished for.  Off he went straight into the classroom without a backward glance! And not gonna lie, there was a pang in me that wished that he did look back to look for me to show that I am still needed. But nope, this boy has decided he was big enough for school and not in need of his mum anymore. Even the other mums were commenting how he was totally tearless and fearless. Well that half hour when I got to sit in his class helped (I meant me, not him!) as he would run every 5 min to give me a hug before running back to join his class. It was like he was assuring me, its ok Mama, I still need you!

It was short lived anyway. Third day comes along with the tears and wailing. This boy delayed reaction or wat? With the tudung tugging and hand pulling, insisting that I be in class with him. He had fever after coming back from school, which could possible contributed to him being cranky. 4th day of school was the same with the school having to call us to fetch him as he started coughing. Come home and all the symptoms were gone with him being super happy to be back home. Ok 2 days medical leave for this boy anyway since he kept coughing through the night.

Not exactly the best of beginnings of a new year, with 3 kids and one mama down with a bad throat. 

Spider-Man Spider-Man

 

Someone has decided that he was Spider-Man, pointing at Spider-Man on the tv and saying that it’s him! Look at his pose, he is shooting Spider webs from his hands and making the tss sound! It is so interesting how a boy got so interested in Spider-Man by watching the movie while a girl would not have shown the same level of interest.

Right now I worry how my father in law is going to be able to manage him, picking him up from school daily. This boy can be a handful and has shown some tantrums. This morning itself, Sarah who was babysitting him, had to call SOS as she was having her hands full trying to manage. I really wonder how this boy will manage under his grand father… 

Fish Doctor 2

 Not only do I have a fish doctor, she is also a fish psychiatrist!

D: I think my fish is going through depression after all the other fishes died.

After we bought more fish…

D: I think the fish is having an inferiority complex cos all the other fishes are so colourful and pretty… That’s why its hiding cos its so ugly 

Hmmm… either she wants to be a vet or its a projection of her own inner turmoils!

And now she has decided that one of her fishes is pregnant and started formulating diagnoses of her pregnant state. So yes I have a fish gynae too!

The mum to be under the watch of Dr D

Raising boys and girls

 Being a mother of 4 girls and an only child with numerous girl cousins, I was ignorant of what it would be like to have a son. It seemed weird at first to even be able to say out loud that yes I have a son.  I wondered how I was going to clean his ding dong (as Daniah puts it), when I should have him circumcised, how to toilet train him and basically what to expect in general. 

Interestingly, or maybe not, I realised, he was not all that different from the girls.  He is just as affectionate and cuddly. But what stands out is him being the risk taker, he was not afraid to climb and jump. Initially I thought it was part and parcel of him being a boy but I realised through observing others his age, that it was just him being him.  He was a risk taker.  First time ever I lost my child in the Courts shop cos he decided to wander around at age 2.5 when I was distracted. We went searching for him to find him in a far corner, with not a tear. He was searching for us too but didn’t seem too anxious about it. Father of cos would compare this to losing Sarah at age 2 in the HK night market cos she decided to walk back to see a toy she wanted. Or when Sarah and Daniah went missing in Aust SeaWorld. Hmm, why is it always Sarah getting lost?

He is sociable and would not be afraid to go to someone he has never met before to ask to play. Well, all the girls were this way too. All social butterflies who became absolutely unsociable as teens! Now I worry how he will be as a teen!

But seriously, back to the topic, I have not found it to be much different. Well yes toilet issues will be different but other than that, it’s been very much similar… all 5 walked at 9 months or so, are cuddly, sociable…oh wait, I suppose the biggest difference would be in speech development. Simply put, Hanz has not been talking. Far different from his sisters who were talking a mile away before the age of 1, this boy has not been talking very much even at the age of 2. He has speech delay but not language delay as his language comprehension is good. Funny thing was his tendency to use sign language rather than speech.

Well boys do use language and speech very differently from girls and this is very apparent for Hanz who is just happy to gesture what he wants rather than to ask for it verbally.  His sisters say that he is a man of few words!  He has been making recent strides but hopefully, he will say more words as he goes to school. Now, we just have him calling mama, papa, nana. He does says words when we least expect it, screaming out Daniah to ask her to wake up and Kakak when he sees Sarah coming to pick him up. There are other words too locked up in him, coming out here and there but most of all he is just a good actor - acting out animals and even how to die when he is shot by a bullet!

Being the older parent

 We were definitely not planning to be parents again at the age of 44. In an earlier post, I mentioned about feeling very scared. That anxiety and worry never really went away even after his birth. 

When I was pregnant with him, I came by chance on some CNA videos on a couple who had 10 children (OK I have no plans of having 10 kids though I am halfway there!). The mother was asked whether she would have more.  Her immediate response was no, due her health and age (my reasons too) but her next sentence struck me hard. She said but if God has decided to give her another child, it is because he trusts that she has space in her heart for another child. 

I suppose God had trust that I could bring up another child and has space in my heart for that. Children are rezeki and I am blessed.

Sometimes though the worries do take over. Would we have the energy to chase after him? (well that's what older sisters are for right?) Would we be able to expose him to the same experiences we had given the older girls (we can try but covid did take over)? Would he be embarrassed to have such elderly parents - imagine, we would be 60 when he does his PSLE! But one of my greatest worries would be for us falling ill and dying while he is still young. Sometimes we feel that it is unfair for him to have such older parents like us.

I know we can’t predict death and that many of my friends had parents who died when they were very young and when the parents were still relatively young as well. I just pray that God gives us good health and a long life so that we could be there for him, and that his sisters would be old enough to take over his care by then and bring him up well. 

Hospital hospital

 Got to say that 2019 was a year of hospital stays. One for Hana, one for me to deliver Hanz and one for Hanz. A year of expensive hospital stays, thank God for insurance.

Both Hana and Hanz had bronchitis which started off from coughs that just didn’t go away but worsened.  It was the first time that any of our kids ever ended up in hospital and to have 2 within 6 months was tough. Hanz was only 4 months old. He was a cheerful baby which helped.

 

Hanz’s birth

I remembered it being the second day of the fasting month and I was at work that morning.  A check up showed that I was 5 cm dilated and we went to buy lunch so that I could break my fast before labour.  Got to say though that the child birth was easy. Mistakenly thinking that I had negative reactions to the painkillers in previous child births, I went for a total painkiller-free birth. Thankfully, it was a short labour at 1.5 hours and out he popped at 6 pm. 

And I was totally wrong about the painkiller. I wasn’t having a reaction to them. I went into full shivering mode after labour as my body went into a shock response. I could have had a pain free birth! Oh well…

Fish Doctor

 We went longkang fishing the other day. D managed to catch 2 of the fishes and the shop gave us a whole bag of the longkang fishes making us instant grandparents! We bought her a tank to keep the fishes. 

Papa: as these are longkang fishes, there wasn’t a need for food cos they can just be fed with breadcrumbs. 

D: well they need eat good food too sometimes. If we adopt the fishes then we must give them a chance to live a good life! 

Papa: Uh, gardenia bread is expensive you know!

With the fishes tucked into their new tank, all named and being fed luxurious blood worms, D’s journey into fish vetenarian life through doctor google begins.  Every 5 min I get besieged with news about the fishes.

D: I think that fish is pregnant!

D: I think that the water has too much chlorine cos I googled it and it says that if the fishes….

D: I need to put one fish into quarantine as it has been infected by a parasite!

D: The small fish has died!

D: Another fish has died and I gave it CPR! See this is the poop from the CPR!

Oh God, spare me…Thank God she didn’t give it mouth 2 mouth!

Longkang fishes in their luxurious home. Big upgrade I tell ya

Can I have a baby brother?

 Early 2018، T asked whether she could have a baby brother. My immediate response was a no. I mean I wasn’t exactly getting any younger and I don’t think my body could handle another pregnancy.  Her response was for us to adopt instead. Where was this need for a baby brother coming from??

Fast forward to Aug and I wasn’t feeling too good. A quick test revealed that I was indeed pregnant … with number 5… at 44! Feeling scared was an understatement. What I googled stated that 1 in every 5 pregnancy above the age of 40 ended in a miscarriage and I don’t look forward to being part of that statistic. My husband was in complete denial and refused to believe the test kit, cos he said it was a generic Guardian brand (roll eyes)

We agreed not to tell anyone till we got confirmation from the doc. I remembered asking Dr Heng what I needed be careful of. She essentially scoffed and said I wasn’t even her oldest patient (it was a 52 year old lady who was pregnant at the same time as her daughter!). Dr Heng assured me that all is well as long as I took care of my health. 

With that, we decided to break the news to the girls first and held off from telling anyone else.  T’s response - is it going to be a baby brother?

And that was the start of our journey with number 5

 

Toilet Blues

I seriously can't remember how I managed to toilet train the older ones. I do remember it taking a long time, using lots of stickers and stamps and lots of rewards.

It's time for yet another round of toilet training and I am yet reminded that no, it's not easy. And this last one is perfectly content to remain in a soiled diaper, claiming she never pooped when it was totally full!

Yes the stickers are in play now as well. But I think having less stamina and energy now is not helping.

End of Year

Tomorrow marks the end of 2017 and it seriously flew by fast! It was literally a year of 4 weddings and a funeral, with 4 cousins getting married (So high chances of seeing babies next year) and the passing of tok chek in May.

It was also a year of change as I got what I prayed for so long, a move to a new department which has so far given me much job satisfaction. To the point that I barely remember that I just left my old department only mid of this year - it just seems so long ago!

We also got to tick off a destination I had really wanted to go to - iceland and see the northern lights. Though we flip flopped on the decision to go so much and only made the final decision the night before to proceed. I would have to say I have no regrets though it may be it could have been a bit shorter as it was making a big dent in the wallet considering how expensive things were. All in all though it was a God awe inspiring journey.

So goodbye 2017 and hello 2018. God knows what the new year will bring 😎

Conversations with D

Daniah (seeing me wear a pair of shorts): i didnt know you have a pair of shorts!

Takes a closer look and proclaims : all i see is fats!

Thanks a lot eh, i have been going to the gym know

First days and new beginnings

Today was Hana's first day of school in Hanis. I have to admit I was expecting some tears but like a trooper not a single drop fell, tho mummy was close to having some drops falling herself!

I was allowed in the class but it was for my own self needs (shhh!) that I sat discreetly in one corner of the room watching her from afar. She did not even feel the need to come to me and she knew I was there.

Sigh, nothing to break the mummy's heart more that the realisation that she is no longer needed! Apart from needing help to dress up for school while she continues to zzzzzz that is!

To new beginnings Hana and may Allah grant you success in all you do! Insya Allah

More Animal Planet

Papa: How do I know if the fish have already lay its eggs?
Daniah: No not yet, the fishes have not hugged each other yet.

Mama: Huh? How you know they are supposed to hug?
Tasnym: Oh we saw it on a video!

And for a moment I was silent wondering what video they had watched!

Animal planet

The girls were trying to get their fighting fishes to mate:
Tas: why is the girl playing hard to get? (As the male chases after the female around the tank)
Da: come on fishies! We want to see you do it!
Sarah: I want to see I want to see! (As she comes running out of her room!)

I am left thinking that these girls have been watching too much American tv. And it ain't animal planet!

Here's a pic of them being cute animals!

Death comes too soon

Yesterday, I found out that one of our partners has passed away last week after a battle with stomach cancer.  cancer in itself is no longer anything new. What is usually more heart wrenching is how fast the cancer attacked and destroyed the person, and the ones left behind - in his case a 9 year old daughter. He had such a positive outlook and has even asked for people not to grieve at his funeral.

His passing reminded me of my uncle who went thru a similar situation and the cancer is so aggressive that death came so swiftly. He too left behind 2 young children.

Their deaths reminded me so much on the importance of being financially prepared cos we can never know when our last day will be - be it against cancer or other forms of death. And how we should live our life to the fullest each passing day. But it's so hard. So easy to forget when death is not knocking at your door. So easy to just take it for granted that tomorrow will always be there... when actually it may not be.

Clay burger

This girl truly loves to eat. So no surprise that even her art work is about food!

Tasnym's burger

This girl also comes pre-loaded with a temper to boot.  Someone not shy with her hugs and "I Love yous", do not expect any cuddles your way when Ms Monster temper is at play.  Leading me to jokingly say to her "You only love me when you are not angry with me, is it?"

Heritage games

Looking at the games the children play now, I think it is so important for our heritage games to be passed on to them
Can you remember the games we used to play? 5 stones, yeye (you know that game you jump over a stretched rubber bandrope ? or was it another name... oh well, when you have poor memory haha
So I decided to teach Daniah how to play 5 stones with Hana trying at every turn to steal of the stones

But interest is not constant cos I guess when too many electronic devices distract, games of the old don't hold too much attention
unless the wifi gets turned off!

Baru dua tahun dah melatah!

Hana: mama pass me my phone.  Pass me my phone mama
Mama: you don't have a phone la
Hana: oh...  Sorry mama (giggles)
Goodnight mama baby!