Hubby vs Daughter

I think it is the nightmare of any mother if her daughter one day comes up to her and say that her father had sexually abused her. And when confronted, the father denies vehemently that he would do such a deed. Who would the mother believe, her daughter or her husband? A dilemma that can be further compunded if the father is an upright citizen, religious even? And a daughter who may not be the best of angels.

I remembered having this theoretical conversation witha group of friends - all single and childless then... The question continues to play now with us having husbands and children. Our profession certainly does not help as we face many mother with such a situation. We can understand their dilemma, empathise even.

Fact is though many disclosures are accidental and many girls... or boys for that matter... had never intended to disclose that they had been sexually abused. No matter how non-angelic the girl may be, it is few and far in between that the girl had lied about such abuse. So as much as it may be hard to swallow, chances are it is the girl who is the innocent and the man who is the monster.

Yet, it is easy to understand the dilemmas these mothers face. Uneducated and dependent on the men, they sometimes opt to believe the men instead. Could it be that these mothers find it more difficult to believe in the words of the child? Sad thing is the daughters end up shunned, many dealing with the trauma they encountered alone.

Ole ole ole ole

The girls were busy playing soccer on the side as their papas was fighting it out on the courts... Do we see potential players in the making here?

Maid to measure

I'm still considering whether to continue with my maid's service. Her contract ends in Jul of this year. Well not to say that she had been problematic or anything but the down sides of having a maid do add up after a while. I appreciate the work that she had put in. I know my house would not look the same without her... it would be more uncondusive for living!! She works hard... that's appreciated... but...

What's the downside?

Well firstly the issue of privacy... To have a non family member in the household, one who had been a complete stranger... yes after a while you do get to know them ... but she still remains a stranger in the home and somehow you never would be as comfortable in your home as when she is not around. Even to spend time as a couple becomes a bit awkward. You can't even wear what you like in your own home..

Next would be the issue of differences in culture, language and belief systems... I think it was as much a culture shock for her to be here as it is for us to have her. The differences in beliefs were apparent from the beginning. What she thought of common ailments - they were all caused by wind in the body! Her mentality about life... I had to do a bit of motivational speeches and counselling... my cousins joked that my maid would return to her homeland a changed woman!! The way she talks is different with same words carrying different meanings... many a times we realise we had completely missed what the other meant... and that is very frustrating... You also do not want her beliefs and ways to influence your children... I defeinitely do not want my children to grow up believing that they are sick cos wind got into them!! And I do see snippets of influence that has been passed on already especially in the way my girls talk!

And of course there is the issue of attachment. Maybe I am a jealous person by nature but it pains me when I see my girls hugging her instead of coming to me or when they chose her over me... not that it happens often but when it does... it sents a shaft thru my heart. I know its good that she is a good person to my children but I guess it is hard for a mother when her child chooses someone else over them esp if that person has only been in the family for a while. Parenting also becomes an issue esp when the maid causes your authority as a parent to be undermined... sometimes without meaning to... when she gives in to their tantrums or demands... when they go to her to veto my decisions... thankfully my maid has learnt a lesson on Mum's word is the word cos I've driven it enough into her.

Expectations... I am not fussy about the house but somehow you end up realising that there are things that you want done your way... for some reason or other... and she would have done it another way... How much can you really teach? Not possibly everything and some things you take for granted assuming that she should know... or maybe I am fussy...

Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing the ugliest side of me when I handle her... not that I am abusive but when frustrations peaked and expectations are not met, coupled with other stressors, its easy to lose yourself and I hate that person I see.

Then of course there is her and her idiosyncracies that sometimes simply baffles me... the things she say or do ... I know I have been luckier than most that mine has turned out to be a relatively good maid but I suppose everyone has a streak of weirdness in them... I'm sure she thinks I'm weird too!!

So that's the downside... and the upside? Well a clean house - and I dun have high expectations there cos the house can never be neat with a hubby, 2 girls and 2 cats who are forever making a mess! And the fact that I do get to concentrate on my girls cos I dun have to worry about household at all. So I have to think about striking a balance of both if our current decision not to continue with a maid stands...

Oh well... tomorrow is another day...

Living in style...

We visited Zuraidah's mum last weekend at her new condo at Elderweiss Park. So nice... Her unti is a 2 storey apartment with the upper deck being a garden complete with jacuzzi. Her decor were so exquisitely expensive but very nice...when I went home, realised how untidy my home is in comparison!!

But of course living in style comes with a price... a BIG one. I stared at my housing loan statement this morning and realised that we had barely made a dent in our mortgage having 25 years more to go in payment. To buy a condo may mean not having anything left in the CPF when that 25 year end line comes along... And then what? There is still maintenance fees to pay. Is it really worth the amount? It definitely can't be denied that the facilities are enviable and the landscape of a HDBland would never match that of the new condos we have around... but again the question of at what price keeps ringing...



This is Tasnym with her admirer, Ana's youngest son, Aqil. He could not take his eyes off her!!

Trip to the zoo

The girls went to the zoo a few days ago and they enjoyed looking at all the animals.

See... I can stand on one leg just like the flamingoes!










Look at the tall giraffes...

Tasnym says

Word: Thank you
Tasnym says: Tehtyu

Phrase: Papa tidur here
Tasnym says: Papa deh-doh yere

Phrase: Mama read book
Tasnym says: Mama weed wook

Word: Elephant
Tasnym says: Eh-fant

Word: Dinosaur
Tasnym says: Die-soh

Word: Carry
Tasnym says: Weh-wee

Phrase: Please mama
Tasnym says: Pees mama

Phrase: What are you doing?
Tasnym says: What wing?

What is your name?
Tasnym says: Tasim A-yee-sha

What is Nenek's name?
Tasnym says: Omah

What is tok's name?
Tasnym says: Ee-yas

My lil artist 2

This is my lil artist latest work which she calls "My Family and Photo Frame" tho I would say the picture is just of her alone!! But it simply amazes me of how she had painted the girl and it looks like a girl... you know what I mean? With the circle blobs as the frame... The picture now has pride of place on my fridge...

Row Row Ur Boat To Kuantan

We braved the floods to go Kuantan in Dec 06... Thru the floods we went... plunging in and roughing it out in Felda estates to go round flooded roads.. aren't we just lucky the car made it in one shape... I was ready to scream with the 2 girls in the car!!

This is the road to reach a waterfall... This was easy... the path up to the waterfall wasn't and on FOOT!! Slippery with the rain and having to carry two heavy gals... I gave up half-way... actually we all did.. Hah!

The water was icy cold.. brrrrrrr...

Kitty Kat Tas

Tasnym.. with her face painted as a cat in school...

And the whole class... but esp her keeps checking their faces in the mirror... she went to the mirror like 3 times even after class has resumed... so vain!







Making sure her kitty kat face is still on!

Its time for school!

Well, Sarah is finally setlling in school and coming home almost daily with urine drenched pants cos she absolutely refuse to urinate in the school's toilet. And every morning, we have to drag her out of the bed to bathe and get ready... that girl sleeps and sleeps and still wants to continue sleeping... just like her papa...

Tasnym is also settling in her Parents and Tots class in GUG. Her vocab is really increasing, now she asks questions about everything - What you wing? What say? What's that? and she repeats everything almost 3 times each time.

Tasnym: Where papa where papa where? (With a lilt at the end)
Mama: Papa go work
Tasnym: Why mama why? (again with the lilt at the end)

And copies everything Sarah does... a complete parrot!

Sarah's first day in N2

It was Sarah's first day in school yesterday and boy! we were back at square 1. New class with new teachers and she refused to let me go!! So there I go sitting in nursery class once again. She cried at the slightest thing.

Today, I had to be firm and had to still go to work. Promised to buy her a strawberry shortcake cake if she goes to school and she was all ready to go. By the time we reached the school, she told me "Mama, I dun want the cake, I want to go home. I dun wan you go work!!" She clung on to my leg with all her might and her N1 teacher had to take her away. She took the van back and the bus lady said she stopped crying in the bus after a while.

Sigh... I dunno how it would be tomorrow....

Supergirlz

Their grandad bought both a superman outfit at Sarah's insistence.










The girls flying!!
With their supergirls pose...



Sarah has been reminding us everyday that her birthday is coming... It is 10 months away!! She has moved from wanting a Barney cake to her latest request, a superman cake! So I taught Tasnym to say "I know" whenever Sarah says that her birthday is coming!!

Tasnym asks for a Maney (Barney) cake. The other day, she got to watch Barney at United Square before the start of her class. She clung to the banister refusing to let go. When she finished her class, she ran out screaming for Barney and BJ!

She fell in the bathtub last week hitting her nose and mouth on the corner. When Izad asked her "did you fall?" she said "yah" "did you fall in the toilet?" she said "yah". All the leading questions!!

We have been using Nufayl to persuade Sarah to do anything esp use the potty. Now

when she goes to the toilet, she will say "Mama, you must tell Nufayl ok that I urine inside the potty"

The girls with Nufayl.

Two artists at work

This is the 2 artists putting paint on their artwork.


Discussing what to paint ;)


And making a mess!!

The final art piece...

Went to Sarah's first parent teacher meeting last week. teachers said that she was an outgoing girl who interacted well with her friends but when the teachers call her, she goes silent and bow her head down. they were not able to get her individual photo either as she refused to cooperate. so her cover page of her report book is not ready and her report book is blank... to think that next year her teacher is going to be different. she is going to take another 2 months to adjust to the new person!!

Have managed to get her back on track with her toilet training with fewer accidents but thumb sucking is still on full force. Oh yes and everything is now "why?"

Tasnym is really picking things up fast, can join three words together and mimics everything that Sarah does. So she is saying why? too whenever Sarah does that and the same question is repeated by both over and over ...

Sarah will say "Mama what are you doing, what happened to your face?" when mama puts on a face mask. "why mama why?"
Tasnym will then say "mama, wing? face? why?"

Child MC

Am on child mc today as Sarah is having fever... Had it since last night,,, was quite jealous when she did not want to come home last night and wanted to stay with my mum... Made me wonder whether I have really not been spending time with her which I think is true. Since she started school, she falls asleep either before I come to fetch her or in the car and wakes up when we are leaving the next morning... meaning she don't even see me actually...

I took the time to spend with her today... went to the playground and took photos using my new Canon 850IS really cool..



Also retraining her for potty... She really works with peer competition... Has been telling her that Nufayl no longer wearing pampers and she has been motivated again... sigh...

My Lil Artist

Sarah's drawing of a spider... unfortunately, Tasnym had erased off the mouth!!

Sarah is turning out to be a lil artist... think she got it from her father... the spider looks like a spider!! Need to wait and see Tasnym's artistic abilities too!!

Toilet Training

Who says toilet training is easy? It is not at all. For a time, it appeared as if we were successful in training Sarah but now she is regressing... Is insisting on wearing diapers again and refusing to go to the toilet to pee.. I think school and getting sick last month played a part... I now have to work on it again this coming school holidays but she is difficult to handle when she is obstinate and refusing to go to the toilet... makes me feel like I am abusing her or forcing her to do something bad... sigh..

Sarah... sucking her thumb.. at 5 months old... then it was cute... now it is irritating... her thumb is all blistered up!















She is also reverting in sucking her thumb.. not sure what is going on with her... we actually managed to get her to stop for a while but now nothing seems to be working... she actually is worsening... will suck her thumb anywhere and everwhere... maybe it is due to some anxiety but I'm not sure...

Now she is also insisting on sleeping with lights on, insisting on wearing her dirty clothes and diapers after a bath... It is very frustrating and puzzling...

Sarah's School Life

Sarah started her nursery classes at Hungry Caterpillar Kindergarten in Jul 06. However, she did not even last beyond 2 weeks. She cried everyday and refused to wear her uniform.. I suspect that its cos from the first day she was taken away from me by her teachers, she got traumatised. She is after all very shy and needed time to warm up to strangers. I was also very unhappy that the bus took one hour to drive her back from Ubi to Eunos!!

So we took her out and now she is in Hanis Montessori Kindergarten. I got to be with her for one whole week and I think that really helped... For one thing, she likes going to school and wears her uniform... except of course there would be days when she gives her nenek a big headache in not wanting to change her pampers and not wanting to wear the right uniform... to me as long as she goes to school.. I'm not complaining.
















Sarah in Hanis Montessori uniform with Tasnym wearing the tudung!

Sarah refuses to wear the tudung and only wore it for the class photo... However, the teacher is complaining that she is not exactly cooperating... I think she dance to her own drum... Not going to be easy to the teachers until they gain her trust...And to think this is a montessori program meaning that lessons are taught one on one. Gosh, I hope she gets to do some learning cos if she persist in not going to the teachers, she is not going to learn anything!! Well she does come home from school telling me her friends names and everything... even calls herself a boy as her class is dominated by boys! Also quite happy that she can say bismillah in complete and would sit and "recite doas"...

Teachers were asking whether she wants to participate for the year end concert and I said no. I know that Sarah is not going to cooperate... don't think she'll even go up the stage!!

Eid 2006

Our family together... Can't get them to cooperate to take another photo!

Can't get them to cooperate to take a photo together... Tasnym, sit still!!

So pretty... bought the baju from JB...

We stayed over at Tok Chek's house at Taman Rinting this year.. But cos its a terrace, not really feeling the Raya spirit that was present last year at Majidee..

This year, both girls were down with cough and cold. Tasnym had a 39 deg fever on the first night and had to cut down on our visits. Had to do visit to the doc instead on 2nd day... sigh... Put in medication thru her anus to bring down her temp which was high for a few days... first time she has a fever... doc said it was an infection in her throat..

Made ketupat this year and had Lis to help cook it at the corridor.. Even sold some to the aunties.. he he can open ketupat shop... already getting orders for next year... Had a scare when we thot Tigger was missing, that he had left the flat when Lis left the door open... Even put up notices. Finally found him at home under Lis bed and she heard him meow... Must change the name of that cat... becoming too much of a tiger... all my curtains and deco becoming his toys... Tasnym was afraid of him and would scream when he comes near.. now would push him forcefully away if he comes too near..

Tigger on the scratching post he was supposed to share with Kiki...

he prefers to scratch the sofa set... sigh...

On Sun, we had an open house... never had so many people in our flat at any one time... lots of good food... courtesy of the two granny..

Tasnym and Sarah

Tasnym is 18 months this month... time really flies.. And to think that Sarah was 17 months when Tasnym came along. I think I treated Sarah like a big girl more then and still see Tasnym as a baby now.

The other day was asking Izad when we are going for the third child and he said "Are you serious!! I can't cope with these 2 and you want to go for the third!!" Ha ha... And he was the one who was planning for sooo many kids.. We were saying that if we had had Tasnym first, I dun think the second one would be so fast in coming...

Even now I look at Tasnym, dun think we can cope with the 3rd what more with just her... but she is sooo cute...

I also worry that Sarah will feel overshadowed by Tasnym. Everywhere we go, people will rave over Tasnym, how fair, how curly haired, how cute and just bypasses Sarah... not that it bothered Sarah anyway considering she is soo shy... But I dun really like it that people dun give Sarah due attention... heh she is pretty ok!

Tasnym is having problems with hardened stools, she will scream in pain when she defecates and the other day, I helped her... there was blood and the sides of the anus was torn... imagine how I felt... I had to try pull out the shit, breaking it to make it pass easier out... Giving her prune juice and vitagen to soften her stools but not sure it is helping... not even sure what is it in her diet is making her stools harden... she can't eat bananas, thats for sure