Forget the expensive toys...

Lets just play with the box!!

How do you discipline your child?

I can still remember the time when my dad belted me for making my way home on my own from a grocery shopping trip at a nearby shop. Well, I couldn't find him anywhere and feeling worried that he had left me behind, I went home... not like I went wandering off other places. Sure he was worried... but did he consider why I went home alone? I was only about 9-10 then. I still resent that belting and feel it to be unjustified ... or the times when my parents had hit me with a feather duster for crying as I had not wanted to come home prefering to be with my cousins instead... is that anys urprise considering I am an only child? How much attempts did my parents even make to understand the reasons behind their young child's behavior prefering instead to hit and control? The pain has long been forgotten but the pain of having been treated unjustly still remain.

It has made me decide... along with my other training in parenting that I was not going to hit my children. No canes hanging in my home. And I have no intention of getting one... not even as a means of a threat. Yes, I had the urge to hit my daughters occasionally ...when they get on my nerves... come on it happens to the best of us... but I had restrained myself, at the very most I flicked my fingers on their arms. Even then I felt soooo guilty afterwards and still feel guilty abt it today.

I had a very interesting conversation with some of my colleagues yesterday, all 4 mothers of sons and all having canes hanging somewhere in the house... whether utilised or hanging there as a threat. It is so interesting to me how one of them especially advocated caning as effective and something that she would advocate for children below 7 but sparingly and only with good reason. She even had a special cane that would not leave marks, apparently it is out of stock in the markets already, possibly from all her advertising!!


I thought it was interesting how the older generation often lament about the children of today - how different they are, how protected... that even a cane mark could lead the parents to jail... and how all this are making the children of today simply spoilt and out of control. But one thing, they have completely forgotten is how different the society of today is and what the world is today is worlds apart from the world of yesterday. The media, internet, technology all makes the world and therefore the children highly different. It is too simplistic to say that cos the canes are no longer used that the children are becoming uncontrollable ... there is a whole lot of other confounds to the issue. I would say instead that because the world today is so different that new differnt methods of child maangement has to be employed cos the children are different and not the lack of caning that are making the children different.

The difficulty though is that many of the adults my age now had gone thru a childhood where they were caned and where they had not known any other methods of parenting... and they saw this as not having caused any harm to them ... therefore questions the necessity for change... forgetting instead that since the world has changed, the children have changed and therefore the methods must change.

It was with Tasnym that I truly realise how ineffective these methods were as she would just model us and turn around to flick us back after she is done crying and wailing. And we got worried that she would start hitting others in the same way. So time out is the way to go and it has been very effective. Definitely no canes for us!!

Funneee Conversations

Conversation 1

Papa: Sarah, first you must go kindergarten, then you go Primary School. After that you go to Secondary school, and then JC/Polytechnic and after that you go to the University.

Sarah : Papa, I dun want to go to so many schools, wait I'll be tired. (ha ha)


Conversation 2

Tasnym : Mama, Sarah must go time out, you carry the legs I carry her hands!!!

Roti Prata

Preparations for Hari Raya

Trotted over to the Kakak's house in front wanting to send over the cloth to make into an outfit for Hari Raya... Unfortunately, she had closed shop and was not willing to take in any more orders for Hari Raya... sigh... i had waited too long and now I've got nothing to wear this Hari Raya! I waited cos I didn't want the outfit to be made too soon, in case it would not fit around the tummy... Oh well... We'll probably have to go search for something in Angsana at JB where we normally buy our clothes.

Got some punjabi suits for both girls from India (via a colleague) and they looked soooo cute!! I somehow think that mine is not really gonna be able to fit me... around the tummy.

This year, I've decided to be a bit more ambitious and make some kuih... more than the usual I made previous years. Macaroons, choc chip cookies, kuih siput, epok-epok pengantin, honey cornflakes, choc cornflakes... hee hee.. I've gotten all the recipes ready and engaged help from some cousins to join forces... my friends are already laughing at my over-ambitiousness... taste it first then you will know hah!

Anyways, I am fasting to the puzzlement of my Chinese colleagues who would interview me long and hard why I was doing so considering that I am pregnant. Well, I am healthy and so is the baby.. alhamdullilah... and the doc gave the green go ahead so here I am on the 5th day (wow, its almost a week already..) fasting away. Not too bad though there have been some grumblings in the tummy occasionally... and funny thing is I don't eat much during buka... So I am sure I'll lose some of that weight I gained the last month alone... told the doc I was storing away in time for Ramadan.. ha ha

The waking ups in the middle of the night, however, is taking its toll... to pee, carry Tasnym, sahur... I've got dark circles under my eyes and it dun look good... definitely not matching the red puffy swollen lips... sigh I dun look good... I had to take some photos to renew my passport and I look so bloated!

Happy Birthday Sarah!

It was Sarah's 4rth birthday and she was so excited shouting about it being her birthday early in the morning. As it was the fasting month, we had a jamuan berbuka puasa cum birthday party for her.

She made some resolutions on not sucking her thumb, sleeping in her own bed and not wearing pampers to sleep when she reaches 4 years old but by the time the day comes all these resolutions has been pushed to her 6th birthday!!

Just cos Uncle Hisyam had gotten her to help bake some brownies the day before, she insisted that she should be baking her own b'day cake, complete with a princess picture on top... she even threw a fit when she found out that I had bought a cake!! So off we went to the supermarket to buy a box of ready brownie mix - sorry but mama's culinary skills is not that fantastic... and got home in time for her to bake her cake... after dropping one egg on the floor and stirring the mixture about 5 rounds in total... ie mama had to do the rest of the work. When the cake was finally ready, she declared that it tasted bad, spitted it out and even wiped her tounge on the back of her hand... Please lah it was not a bad cake at all and actually tasted quite good...

A conversation she had with me yesterday:
Sarah: Mama, where is Tasnym (when she saw that Tasnym was not at home)? Is she lost? If she is lost, then how, I won't have a sister anymore... Nevermind lah... then I can get a brother!

Hmmm... well sorry Sarah... you are going to get another sister as the doctor had confirmed that last week : )

My mouth is stinging...

Really am not sure whether it is related to the pregnancy as it first started in Mar 07 but I've been having an allergic reaction around my lips. It started off being very itchy and the skin becomes dry... now it has worsened with a bad stinging sensation ... I dunno which is worse, the stinging sensation or the itch...

Some days, my lips could compete against Eddie Murphy's.. as it swells up

Creams did not work and now, I'm applying steroids at a doctor's prescription... the swelling has gone down considerably... but the itch and sometimes the sting is still there...

Doc says that it is an allergy but the problem is that I have no idea what I am allergic too...

At least I have feet...

I was feeling so down last weekend as I went in search for the perfect shoes for my not so perfect, extremely big feet... For those who don't already know, I have big feet... I used o be at size 8 and I have always assured myself that at my full-grown adult age, it would not grow anymore...

To my horror, it DID!! when I got pregnant.. some assured me that the size would go down again after I give birth... NO IT DID NOT!! It remained the same... after the pregancy with Sarah, it went up to size 9 and after the pregancy with Tasnym, it went up to 10. How do I deal with going up to 11 after my present pregnancy?? It was already hard enough to find shoes in size 9 or 10, what about 11? Thoughts of binding my feet have crossed my mind.... MANY TIMES!!

Shopping for shoes used to be a pet activity.. I have now stopped even bothering to enter into a shoe shop unless I had known already that they carried large sizes. I could not take the condescending or shocked looks or the sales staff when I asked them for the large sizes, they will then look at my feet, to stare at the montrosity and ask, your feet so big ah? One sales person I met recently started taking out shoes in size 10 as his shop had large sizes without asking me my style of preference. When I told him, I didn't like the designs he took out, he said "Well if you don't like the designs then defficult lah..." Uh you mean just because I have big feet, I have to settle for ugly shoes?

Last weekend, one salesman said in shock "Hah? Size 10? No we dun have," alamak even the other people in the shop heard and looked! Hmm... excuse me, Ian Thorpe has large feet and he has attributed his illustrious swimming career to his feet while you are just a small time sales person in a tiny unknown shoe shop!!

Don't they realise how terrible I was already feeling going from shop to shop to be met with disappointment or when I tried on shoe after shoe, not even being able to squeeze my foot halfway into the shoe. I kept being reminded of how Cinderella' stepsister tried to squeeze her feet into the glass slipper... sob... I am not mean like that stepsister you know...

When I was younger, relatives were very mean and often made fun of my feet. I remembered how my parents would talk negatively about it and how difficult it was to find shoes for me. I remembered distinctly how cousins would make fun and said that I would end up looking like Ronald MacDonalds with my huge feet sticking out or how my grandmother said how my shoes can be turned into a sampan!

Even I am amazed at how resilient I had been to deal with all these and my response was "I am grateful that I have feet as compared to those who does not" I still feel that way... and it has taught me not to make fun of those who have imperfections. But please feet, dun grow to size 11... I'll have to walk barefoot if you do!

Stop Calling ME!!

Don't you hate those pesky calls from the banks asking you to sign up for a new card, a new overdraft etc etc etc! Or worse, those that come from other slimming agencies and the sort trying to get you to sign up for some package or other... Here's several ideas I have that either I've used or planned to use whenever I receive such calls: 1) The easiest one, "I'm not interested, thank you. Bye!" and hang up. But if you do have time on your hands... 2) "Are you asking me to get into further debts? I already have enough debts, thank you." then lament on how much debts you have and how you have been having so much difficulty paying them all up... and how your baby didn't have enough to eat last month as you had to pay off all your debts... you get the gist... 3) "Are you teaching me to go into debts?" and go into indepth debate on the dangers of owning a card ... or of going into a debt... and how such methods by the bank to entice the young to have a card does not help the young in learning how to save... 4) "Before you begin, could you please send me a cheque for this phone call you are making to me right now, cos I'm not paying for this phone charge. Are you accepting the charge? Cos if you are not, do hang up now." 5) For those beauty agencies "Are you trying to say I'm ugly/fat etc? Are you trying to insult me? I won the Ms ** title in my school you know!" and then burst out into loud tears.... These are definitely no fail measures... try them ...he he... I'm sure word will get around and they'll stop calling you. Come on, if I really need their service they don't have to call me, I'll call them. For all those telemarketers, I know you are just trying to earn a living but you guys sure know how to call at all the wrong times!!

Hong Kong 2007

Everything was just wet, wet, wet

It wasn't a good trip by anyone's standards, what with being caught in the rain 95% of the time and being evacuated out of Disneyland due to the incoming typhoon... Luckily, we managed to catch a very good Disney show before the park closed but didn't get to go on any of the rides.

Captain Jack Sparrow showing off his pirated rings!!

Tasnym surprised me with her show of fear of the Disney characters, refusing absolutely to take photos with them... She ran in fright at the hotel when Goofy went up to shake her hand. She insisted that this was not the same Goofy that she sees on the Disney channel!!

But we did get some pretty good buys. Despite all the rain, despite having to don raincoats as we walked around. AND despite the bad back pains and that by night, I could barely walk!! The shopper in me persisted!! We only had a brief respite from the rain when we went to the Ladies Market one night...

The funny thing was that we didn't understand what the cyclone warning no 8 meant and had to ask the Disney Park staff what it meant and what we should do as a result. He had a puzzled look on his face while explaining, probably wondering which planet we came from!!

When we were in Kowloon, we wondered why all the shops were closed as it was only drizzling and there were no hurricane in action. No night markets too and we hoped against hope that the shops would open later in the night but no hope there as the shops remained closed. It was only when we watched the news that we realised how serious the situation was and that all the offices were also evacuated...

Tasnym was a terror on the plane, refusing to be seated and belted. The steward kept reprimanding me for not keeping her belted.... yah easy for him to say... being so non-child focused, he even tried to talk to her like she was an adult to tell her that she needs to be seated and belted....

At meal time, she went from one passenger to another and shouted "Apple Sauce!" "Chilli Sauce!" Next time, Tasnym stays home and no way am I going to take a plane ride that is above 3 hours with her until she grows older and wiser!

So proud of her!!

We were so proud of Sarah. She had been hankering to ride a horse and bugging us for the upteenth time... so that weekend we decided to go to Gallop Stables. My hubby was skeptical asking "Are you sure?" thinking for certain that Sarah would back out and not proceed.


She certainly surprised us as the more she saw the horses at the stables, the more she was certain that she wanted to ride the horse and proceeded to pay for the ticket and put on the helmet. She bravely stepped up the small stairs to get on the horse. Her face was practically frozen...


She did cry... halfway through the ride but what matters most was her willingness to step up to a new experience and take up the challenge. That's my girl!!


In tears by the end of the ride...

Tasnym's cute, Sarah's pretty

We have always been irritated when people would stop to comment on how cute Tasnym was with her curls and cuxie face... not that we are saying she is not cute cos she really is but we are irritated by the insensitivity of some whgo simply overlook that Sarah is standing by just watching the exchange and being completely ignored. Some who are more sensitive would then turn to Sarah and commen on how pretty she was but you could feel that it was not really genuine.... well at least they made the effort.

We worried that Sarah's self esteem would be impacted by this and were concerned that she would grow up in her sister's shadow tho I know that right now she does not mind it much considering how shy she is. We wondered tho what it was doing to her self esteem until we came to this conversation she had with her papa while out shopping one day...

Sarah: Papa, Tasnym is so cute right? She is sooo cute!!
Papa (very carefully): Yes Tasnym is cute. Sarah is cute too.
Sarah: No Papa, Tasnym is cute. Sarah is pretty!

Well no problems with her self esteem there!!

No Matter What

2 weeks ago, I went for a scan and the doctor happily declared that the baby was to be a girl. My hubby said that my face changed at the announcement. But actually the change was not cause of the announcement but more cos I was puzzling how she could tell it was a girl considering that all I could see on the screen was the head and two legs sticking out... you mean I should be able to see a third "leg" in the middle if it was a boy??

So as you can tell, I am not all too convinced... and Sarah was quick to refute it later... "Don't tell me its a girl, its a BOY!!

I could not imagine what those mothers in India and China must be thinking and feeling when there is so much pressure for them to have boys that they have to kill their baby girls, either in pregnancy or at birth...

Anyway, for me it does not really matter... as much as I may hope for a boy, if God so decides that it is to be a girl, there must be a reason for his decision....the girl will be received with great welcome and open arms, with LOVE no matter what...

Racial Harmony Day

My two little beauties on Racial Harmony Day...

Little Vietcong? Carry gun somemore!!

Baby's Sleeping Arrangement

I have been trying to work out a new sleeping arrangement with the girls for when the baby comes. These were their responses:

Sarah's Version
Mama: Tasnym, can baby sleep in your bed?
Tasnym: No! That's mine
Sarah: Mama, baby can sleep in my bed.
Mama: Oh that's nice, then where do you sleep?
Sarah: I sleep in the middle! (ie in between the parents and she said this with such glee!)

Tasnym's Version
Mama: Tasnym, can baby sleep in your bed?
Tasnym: No! That's mine!
Mama: OKlah, you sleep in your bed, kakak sleep in her bed, then baby would sleep with Mama
Tasnym (panicking): No! Mama, baby can sleep in my bed.
Mama: Then where do you sleep if baby sleeps in your bed?
Tasnym: I sleep with Mama.

Talk about being possessive!!

Not Adik... Tasnym!

I remember when Sarah used to call herself Sasha and then decided overnight that it was no longer Sasha but Sarah. We wondered how it would be with Tasnym... was she gonna call herself Tasha? It never got around to that as we have been calling her adik for so long, even when she was still in the womb that the name somehow got stuck.

When you ask her, What's your name? Her response? Aaaadik or better yet Adik Ariesha!!

So when she started school, we started on a mission of teaching her to say Tasnym... to no avail... it was still Adik Ariesha...

Two weeks later after the start of school... "No Mama, not adik... Tasnym" she suddely does not want to be called Adik anymore... Waah... my baby is growing up!! And I miss Sasha too...

Princess and Mickey

Sarah told me that she now wants to be a Princess when she grows up. Tasnym wants to be Mickey Mouse. So this National Day holiday, we would be travelling to Disney HK to fulfill both their childhood ambitions ... ha ha...

Heard though that the weather is gonna be super hot there then...

Second Trimester

Its the 12th week already so come on... why is the nausea not easing up???!! Came to work today feeling sooo sick that I had to lie under my table to catch a doze.... the advantage of having a high wall cubicle...

I thot things were getting better esp since last week, the nausea eased up quite considerably ....or is it cause I was home last week? ... hmmm nausea at work....
work = nausea??

Am so tempted to go home right now... I've already thrown up twice this morning itself...

Mama, you can go now

Today, Tasnym was resistant to go into her class and I had to accompany her. She was clinging on, sitting on my lap and not even wanting to go with Sarah. But after a while... I think she had warmed up a little to being in school, she turned to me and said:

Tasnym: "Mama, you can go to work, I stay here with Kakak. Bye Mama Bye!"

Mama : "Hmmm... oh ok... bye Tasnym"

Kena halau seh...

My babies are growing up!

Waaah... I felt like crying today when I left Tasnym in school. She looked like she was about to cry and refused to walk into the school and called for me softly. I had to tell her to go in to look for her kakak before she turned away. Later peeped into the windows to see her in Sarah's class and hugging Sarah... I think she'll be fine ... but ... my babies are growing up! Waaaaahh..