Admirers abound

It fascinates me as to how boys, small ones, gets attracted to Tasnym, likes bees to a flower. We'll be out shopping and they'll come from wherever they are, just to stand in front of her and stare. Not that she would care, if they are in her way, she'll just push them away.

There is also a boy in her class who simply is attracted to herand would either try to come near her every opportunity he gets or copies whatever it is she is doing. That irritated her so much that she started throwing a tantrum which led her to being asked to leave the classroom as she was disrupting the rest!!

Oh boy....I wonder what another 10 years would bring along?

What I wanna be... what I wanna be

Sarah: Mama, when I grow up, I want to become a doctor.
Mama: Oh, that's good, Tasnym, what would you like to be?
Tasnym: Marney (Barney)
Sarah: Mama, she wants to be Barney but she does not have a tail right? When she grows up, then her tail would come out! Ha ha ha ha (Sarah's attempt at making a joke!)

Isn't it interesting how parents would get so happy when their children wants to be a doctor. Its hard work, they work on terribly long shifts, and the pay is not exactly that great considering the sacrifice... why is it that parents not encourage their children to be the prime minister, heh they earn millions in a year!!

Or a banker? Why must it be doctors, lawyers and teachers?

I remember once when I asked a child I was working with what his ambition was as a way to encourage him to go to school... his reply - to work in Mac Donalds!! Well that shut me up... you definitely dun need to go school to be that!

Happy Birthday!

Its Tasnym's second birthday today ... but unfortunately she has mild HFMD which reduces our options for a celebration. Luckily, we've had 2 birthday parties for her already...

Happy Birthday!

HFMD 2

Well its confirmed... Sarah has HFMD with ulcers in the mouth.. but she is doing fine and has no fever...

Tasnym has started developing symptoms too with pimples on her buttocks... hopefully hers would be mild too like Sarah...

Apparently, Zuraidah's daughter and Lin's daughter also has HFMD so chances are they caught it from each other at the cousins party last weekend... not sure though who was the index case...

Hand Foot Mouth Disease

Yesterday, Sarah came up to me and said that her hand was all pink. I looked at it thinking that she had done something to her hands and to my horror realised that it was covered with pink small pimples... Checked her mouth... no lesions/ulcers and went to the web to see a photo of the exact same pimples... HFMD

Called Izad numerous times as he had gone to washe the car and received no answer. I carried Tasnym who was being so cranky and dragged Sarah down to look for her Papa... no sight of him and off to the multi storey carpark to search... Tasnym absolutely refused to walk by herself and was too busy screaming away... It was all I could do to stop myself from screaming too...

Could not find Izad at the washing bay and was shouting for his name... people must think I was mad!!But it worked cos he popped his head from the top floor of the carpark and asked me what was wrong... I just shouted for him to come down... he must be wondering what was going on with me holding the girls at the base of the carpark..

We brought Sarah to a GP as it was a Sunday and her paeds was close. The doctor confirmed that there was a high suspicion of HFMD but the problem was that she refused to open her mouth to let him check for ulcers.

Izad though was not satisfied and wanted a second opinion so off to KKH we went. We were seen by the doctor super fast and he too could not confirm HFMD as Sarah did not have mouth ulcers saying that this may develop over the next few days. Alternatively, we could be seeing another viral infection instead.. And it was too late for Tasnym to be separated from Sarah as she had already been exposed.

Called the school today and was told that there were no other kids down with HFMD though they had receive notice from MOH that there was a rise in the number of cases... Checked the web and true enough. there were 490 cases last week compared to 300+ the week before... my daughter adding on to the statistics...

Problem though is... is it really HFMD and if yes, where did she get it from?

Maid-less but happy

My maid was sent home a few days back. I may now be frustrated with having to manage the household chores but I have to admit that I feel relief with her departure and actually happier. I no longer have to face an ugly side of myself that somehow keeps emerging in my dealings with her. And the fact that a stranger has left the home... it makes my home now more of our home and not just a place to sleep in... the feeling is different somewhat...

After my maid left, I was shocked at the state she had left her room and my service balcony. I had pretty much left these two rooms alone since she came. The lack of hygiene, the mess... I couldn't believe my eyes at what I was seeing! She had actually kept potatoes and onions together with my hubby's dirty soccer boots! Do you need anything other than common sense to know that's just not done? I was actually on my knees scrubbing the service balcony floor as something had spilled and she never bothered to wipe it up. 5 garbage bags worth of rubbish was thrown away... things she broke... or just simply unwanted things were all stored there. My pink pajamas... now stained blue... was at the bottom of a basket hidden underneath a pile of towels.... was she even planning to tell me that she had done that? My favourite leather bag was badly damaged and had to be thrown away as she had stuffed all the bags together causing the leather bag to be badly scratched by the zippers of my hubby's gym bags.

To think that I gave her money and things, helped her when she was in need... and she never valued the things that are mine...

I may be struggling with the routines of household chores now... but there is a certain satisfaction in doing it myself ... in knowing that I am doing it MY WAY.... and if I spoiled anything... well it is on my call ...

It takes 2 hands to CLAP...

It is very easy when things go wrong in a relationship that we blame the other party. To point fingers and lay the blame on the other person is the easy way out to escape blame on ourselves, to realise and admit that we have as much a part to play in the deterioration of the relationship. It is always less painful that way.

But doesn't it always takes two hands to clap in a relationship, either in developing a relationship or in causing it to fail? If a relationship fails to take off, isn't it due to one party's disinterest, so one side of the hand is not willing to clap? And if it fails in the years to come, isn't it due to either or both sides of the hands failing to join in the clap?

But it is indeed very easy to say that the other hand had failed to clap when ours is always ready to do so.

What is it that makes or break a relationship or a marriage? What is it that causes one person to look outside for easy solutions to problems in the marriage?

1) Respect - The roof in any relationship.
2) Communication - The pillar in any relationship and most important of all;
3) Commitment - The foundation in any relationship.
4) Forgiveness - The curtains to the home.

Without these 4, the house would fall apart. I feel that a house can exist without love... after all how many of our great grandparents married from love or shared romantic love but yet their relationships continued till the day they died.

The thing though that ensures a marriage remains true is the commitment to stay no matter what, through thick and thin. No matter what temptations lay ahead. No matter what challenges. Wasn't that a vow that we take at the point of marriage? It is the foundation for which a marriage has to be built on. The ingredient that if left out would doom the relationship from the start. How can you have a lasting marriage if one party keeps looking for an exit door whenever problem looms ahead or when a prettier skirt or pants walk past?

With this foundation in place, what comes next would then be the respect for the other partner and the effective communication that plays a part to make the wheels of the marriage work. Without them, a marriage would not necessarily fail but it would be a less happier one.

That's when the finger pointing issue begins. Who do you blame when there is a lack of respect or communication in the relationship? The other party? Or yourself?

Respect for each other is the roof that protects a relationship from outside threats and harm. It is a 2 way process - that you give respect and that you receive respect. Respect is shown in the things we do to ensure that we protect the other person's feelings and well-being - that we not create unnecessary hurt in the other person.

But many do forget that respect is not a given. It is earned. And if lost, and it is easily lost, you would have to work doubly hard to gain it back. It all begins from yourself, whether you are willing to work hard enough to earn that respect and protect the respect hard enough to ensure that it is not lost. How does respect protect the relationship? Cos it causes you to think twice before you act in a way that would harm your partner.

Communication is not a one way tool. It is a two way process. Easier as it may be to say that the other person is not communicating, what have been the efforts that you have made to make sure that your own communications has been effective? The language of flowers.... the soft tones... a loving voice... a caring enquiry... a nice gesture... all to show that you care... are parts of communication. When was the last time that you had done any of these?

Before you point a finger at the other party and say that the other party has not been communicating with you... stop a moment and just ask yourself whether you have played your part too. I would think that it is very rare for a spouse to spurn loving gestures made in all sincerity. Loving tones are reciprocated with loving tones. Loving gestures would only be spurned if that other party is already looking at the exit door and is not committed to the relationship... ie a dissolvement of the foundations to the relationship.

One party can always start the efforts of building or repairing their communication faults. It may take time and the first few efforts may be viewed with suspicion but the fruits are well worth it. Communication can happen in many ways too, letters... emails...

Forgiveness... the last ingredient. Imagine if a person were never to forgive and collects all of the other person's transgressions... You know there is a saying, "you can repair a broken glass but you can always see the cracks" For me though... as much as you can see the cracks, the glass is still whole and you can always paint over the cracks and begin anew.

The problem for many couples though is to pour over those cracks, studying them, relieving the hurt over and over... not willing to forgive and move on... not willing to seek new paths... but just holding on to past hurts. What does it serve to do so... Didn't the hotel new world lesson just teaches us that even cracks in the building can cause the whole building to fall despite a commitment to stay?

Who says marriages are easy? It takes two hands to clap.... and before you point any fingers ... just remember that as you point one finger out, there are three more pointing back at you... It always begins with you...

In loving memory...

My dear old cat, didi, of 16 years has just passed away this afternoon after a week of not eating and drinking. I am ok abt it as I would rather he go than to suffer more...

I can still remember the day when I first saw him at a few days old, when I took him back at 2 months, when he went missing for a week at 4 months... That he was my first love... and the one who gave love to me unconditionally when I felt that no one else really did

The one who was my companion when I burnt midnight oil studying for my As and Unis, purring away as I studied...

The one who was there thru my tears and pain...

Bye Didi... u will be remembered...

Finding nemo

We went to watch nemo on ice last weekend and the girls really enjoyed themselves. Sarah were scared at some moments and insisted i hold her hand when the sharks came out for fear they will bite her! Tasnym was enjoying every moment and was rather amazingly well behaved!

Shopping Woes

The two mickey mouseketeers...

Tried to go shopping with the two girls yesterday and had our patience thinning by the moment. Tasnym was simply uncontrollable, not wanting to sit on the stroller, not wanting to hold hands... hey wait, didn't I say all this before? Not that Sarah was any better. They went riot at Best Denki in Parkway! People must be tsk-tsking at these two girls and their mum who simply did not manage them properly. I don't think Izad was faring any better.

All these was punctuated with requests to go to the toilet by Sarah and mad dashes to the toilet. Not that she actually needed to go each time but I think she just liked the small kiddy bowls and sinks cos she can sit on it herself without being carried. She also loved the fact that she could wash her hands, put soap and dry her hands at the dryer. Well, all this didn't stop her from urinating at Courts... we made a quick exit out!

Nothing got done... and Izad made a phone call to his mum... for us to drop off the girls and resume our shopping at the IT show!


Hey... who's taking photo of whom?

Mak nenek

Look at this mak nenek.... talks like one too!

Till death do us part

A few days back, a distant relative of mine pass away. What then became the hot topic in the family was how her daughter had refused to visit her mum at the latter's death bed in the hospital. Or how she had left her mum struggling alone at home without any mattress to lie on when her mum was sick. Well, at the end, she did visit her mum though it was too late as her mum was unconcious by that time.

My response to all this had been, what had happened between the two that caused the daughter to be so heartless to her mum's suffering. It is not that I do not believe that a human being is incapable of being totally heartless.... they can and have... but usually circumstances prompt men to turn bad. Its just that I feel that something bigger must have happened that had caused the daughter to turn against her mum in that way.

When I was younger, I've often heard stories of how some had turned in their parents into the old-folks homes and how heartless these children were to have done that. It set me thinking... well, if the parent themselves had not taken the time to care for their children, leaving the care to maids and spending more time at work... especially for the fathers... is it fair to then expect the child to care for the parent at old age? How different is it for the parent who had left his child at the child care centre, babysitter, maid etc for most of the week from the child who places his parent in a old folks home or day care when he is at work? Why is there a negative connotation for the latter but not the first. In the Western culture, old folks villages or homes are homely, giving the elderly a sense of independence and yet with adequate structured care. After all, there are circumstances which would necessitate an elderly's placement into a Home, none of the reasons related to a child's wish to abandon the parent but to ensure that the parent receive the necessary nursing care. My argument against the placement would only arise if the child, however, absolutely refused to visit the parent in the old folks home... out of sight out of mind...

Which brings me back again to the question, why do some children opt to abandon their parents, not visiting or rendering love and care. Is it the same to the question of why some parents may abuse their children, refusing love and care? Cos of lack of attachment, cos of past history of abuse? Would the child who had been abused, physically or emotionally by that same parent, neglected or not given adequate care and love going to be the same child who would then in turn abandon his/her parent at the time of need. Anecdotal examples seems to say yes. I've come to know of many tribunal cases where parents had goen to the courts to claim maintenance from their children only to be rejected by the latter due to the abuse that had been inflicted onto them by that same parent. Of course, reasons of abuse do not hold true for all cases.

It amazes me how some adult expects absolute loyalty from their children when they did little in the child's life, especially for the fathers. Did they think that just because they played a part in the conception of the child, through the sperm donation at the point of consumation, that the child then belongs to them and should therefore complete all their biddings? Even for the mothers, what control do we mothers have actually in conceiving the child and delivering - all that is in God's hands. And yet they wield the nine months of pregnancy and the number of hours in labour over the heads of the child as reason as to why the child should then obey to all their commands. It is not the 9 months plus the numerous hous of labour, it is what the parent do after that in years to come that matters, that would determine whether that child would remain steadfast, loyal and true to their parent.

Other reasons also run abound, arguments, differences, conflicts that all sours relationships... Money seems to be a popular reason. Funny isn't it how a loving relationship can be turned around cos of money but hey.. that's another topic altogether. But it is enough of a reason to make a child turn their back against their parent. Sad huh... reminds me of that old story of the couple who was making a wooden bowl for their elderly parent and planning to abandon the elderly parent to the mountain top... only to stop short when they see their young son planning the same for them. What comes around comes around.

Well... for my relative's daughter... it may be too late for regrets and only time to think of what-ifs... and possibly even a reminiscence as to what her mum may possibly have done wrong to her perception...

Children see...

Remember that children see what we do and we have a choice to the type of influence we want to be to our children.

Colourism

I get irritated when people start commenting on my daughter's coloration. It was something that started even when Sarah was a baby and the makciks commented "Eh apasal mak dia putih anak dia gelap?" "Cos she went suntanning in the womb makcik!" Even my mum got caught with this ideology of skin fairness when she declared that under her care, Sarah will turn white. What she gonna do? Bleach the girl?

What's with the colour? Does it make her less beautiful that her skin tone is darker?

These days with Tasnym around, the difference becomes more stark, especially with Tasnym being so fair. Salesgirl, nyonyas at the malls never fail to comment. Oh Tasnym is like me and Sarah is like the dad... but they make it sound bad cos they will then fall all over Tasnym cooing abbout how fair and cute she is.

I worry how Sarah will take all these one day. I asked Izad last nite how it was for him that he was so much darker than all his younger brothers. His response "I made sure I got darker." Ooookie...

Are we a little racist without realising it? Or should I say colourist? Is white equals to beautiful and dark equals to ugly? Did we coach ourselves from the time of colonial days to see that only the whites can be deemed as good looking?

Well some would say... didnt Ms India win Ms Universe a few years back? But didn't you see as well that she was the fairer Indian?

One of my good friends, who is an Indian, shared with me how her daughter hated her skin colour as she said it was too dark. Other girls at the playground had told my friend's daughter that they did not want to play with her cos her skin was dirty! Some would say, perhaps it was the parents who had not done a good job in teaching their kids not to say such things... but when I encounter so many adults who are so bent on pointing out the colour comparisons between my two girls, not that Sarah is even that much darker, how can the little girls not have such thoughts about colour when the adults are equally as insensitive and like a say a colourist (cos I know they are not racist).

I dun really know how Sarah is feeling about this right now. With her being so shy, I dun think it bothers her too much that Tasnym gets more attention from strangers. But in years to come, I'm not sure how this would impact on her or whether I can really do much to protect her.

Oh Girl...

A few months ago, I asked Izad when we plan to have our third child and he said, "A re you serious? I can't even cope with these two and you are asking me about a third?" And this coming from a guy who has always been talking about having more children in the pre-Tasnym days. The same one who did not take me seriously (thinking that I would change my mind... which actually I did) when I clutched at his hand in my throes of labour pains and told him that I was not going to go thru this (ie labour pains) again.

A few days ago, in a hypermart in Malacca, in our struggles to manage Tasnym and trying so hard not to just tear our hair out in frustration, he said to Tasnym, "Adik, you make me think twice about having the third one". She refused to sit nicely in the trolley, refused to hold our hands while walking... her world was her own and decisions made as to where to go would only be hers..... irregardless of who were around her and that many were trying hard to avoid her from being hit by their trolleys. It does not even bother her when she can't see us (know this as I tried hiding from her view to see her reaction).

She hits Sarah, bites her nenek, rules our bed with both Izad and I clutching to the edges... sigh...

Playing inside a cupboard in our hotel in Malacca

Caught in the act playing with salt in a restaurant in JB...

So dun let that cute face fool you!

watch Tasnym fight for the stroller

Toilet Training Blues

Sarah is still not fully toilet trained and I have ran out of fingers and toes to count the number of times she has urinated on the car seat. No one told me it is going to be this stressful!

Worse yet is that she is soooo choosy ... she will decide which toilets she will go into and whether it is too dirty or too smelly to her liking. She even held her pee once absolutely refusing to enter into a public toilet cos she deemed it to be too smelly... I didn't even smell a thing! Dun even think of asking her to pee behind any bushes... this is a high class girl here.

Things get worse in Malaysia where are toilets are sooo dirty and hard to come by... and mind you, she does not pee into a squatting toilet... and as you may well know... most toilets in Malaysia are well the squatting type.

It was too my pleasant surprise when we went to Melaka recently and found the toilets in Mahkota Parade shopping centre to be clean and very good. They even had a mummy's room for breast feeding, diaper changing and small toilet bowls for kids... they should have this in every mall.. but the down side was that no daddy's allowed. The lady taking care of that facility had a long interview by me why such a restriction was put in place. She even asked me for my ic number for registration before I could use the facility which led to more interviewing by me as in why, why, why? Her explanation was that it was to allow for easy contacts should we ladies leave anything behind. Wouldn't it be much easier to just leave a phone number? She said oh, people were upset when phone numbers were asked for... You mean people would rather give their ic numbers but not their phone numbers? I guess in Malaysia, that's the case...

What she say?

Beautiful Girlz II

Tasnym...

Beautiful girlz

Sarah...

Its a rich man's world

The girls celebrating their tok's birthday...

Yet another year has passed and another birthday celebrated. We get older and we see the girls growing up. From the concerns of breastfeeding and nappy changes to the weaning and the toilet training... Sometimes it is scary to watch them as they grow, worried that you would miss these moments of joy worried of what is to come...

I think most parents wants the best for their children and with that, they want to be able to also provide the best. I guess it is also one of a parents' greatest worry, for most parents anyway, that they may not be able to provide for their children's needs especially educational needs.

I have been taking educational plans to prepare for my 2 girls education. Each plan matures at different years making sure that for each year of their time in university or tertiary education will be covered. If they go to university lah... if not I use the money for myself! There is still a concern that the money would not be sufficient should they require to study abroad. Being part of the middle class, I am not poor to qualify for subsidies or bursaries and neither am I rich to be unconcerned about money... It is a worry as well that we would have enough to finance our golden years.

Health costs and living costs are increasing so much that you wonder whether the money you squirrel away in the prime of your years would even be enough to cover your needs later on. I see enough lessons around me... of those who enjoyed their lives and earnings in the prime of their life and then struggled as they reached their golden years. I dun want that to happen to me and I dun think it is good to depend on my children or expect them to support me as I may never know what may happen to them. They may not, for some reason or other, be able to support me or my needs either.

But of course, I do not believe in just squirelling away money and not enjoying the fruits of my labour. I mean what's the point of saving so much and by the time you get old, you can't even enjoy it properly due to ill health etc.

So biggest lesson of the day - Strike a balance. Save enough for tomorrow and use enough to enjoy today!