Join me, join me...

I have to say that I am truly amazed at myself and the progress I have made. I went from someone who basically had not been exercising for a supremely long time last Oct to exercising almost every day now! Going from not even able to survive 5 min on the treadmill to now going for 30 min non-stop without any problems...

See what a little effort can do? It just takes one step forward to get moving and grooving and soon, it would be that much easier.... trust me.... I know many have said to me... "I can't".... "I won't be able to do that".... etc etc.... hey, I was there and I know too how hard it was to even start... I was one of those who was saying... "I can't" too....

But I made that resolution to start and start I did... albeit very slowly... just dun push yourself too hard, I started off at once a week, low impact... slowly building in exercises into my lifestyle and now here I am, going to the gym 4 times a week, going aerobics once a week and changing my weekend lifestyle to be one that is more active - bringing the kids for rollerblading and such...
I told myself basically that I cannot wait for others and if I want to do something about my weight and my fitness, its got to start with me... so what if I am alone in the gym or dunno anyone in the aerobics class? at least I dun have to worry that people I know are laughing at how uncoordinated I am or how my flabs jiggle as I turn!

And I've got to say I simply love my Wii.... I have yet to lose in boxing I tell u! and Wii Fit is soooo fun! It really helps to you to keep grooving and moving and in such a fun way too! Wii Sports is my next favourite....

I have even inspired others in my office to join me.... that simply amazed me....me? inspiring others to go to the gym?

What's inside your nose, Tasnym?

My kids seem to be developing all sorts of bad habits recently and it is driving me up the wall! What with Sarah having her thumb in her mouth..... although thats nothing new.... but she is turning 6 this year!!! and she does not seem any nearer to getting rid of the habit.... the irritating thing tho is her purposely putting her thumb in her mouth so that I will see it and scold her for it... her way of finding attention! Its cute when she was a baby... but definitely not cute now... I dun even want to smell her thumb! The nail has turned all brittle already... and she has also taken to biting her nails! Urgh!

If that is bad... Tasnym is perpetually having her finger in her nose! I seriously do not know whats in there that needs to be dug out almost every time of the day.... can a person have so much boogers?! In public mind you! Funny thing is when you address it with her, she will say "No, I neveeEErrr" with the finger still in the nose! And my mum has even caught her tasting the boogers too.... yuks, even the thought of it is so revolting! Oh God, people will think we never taught our kids properly... Once she is done with the nose, she will start peeling her lips making it all raw and red... she won't even allow me to put on lip balm to prevent it from peeling!

Social Graciousness begins with ME

I feel quite proud of Sarah and how she has been wanting to be a helper to others, opening doors and trying to look out for those who might need her help... this has been something that the teachers has been noting abt her even when she was younger, her ever ready willingness to help her friends...

Sometimes she gets carried away, keeping doors open for a whole crowd of people walking thru and not surprisingly, many did not even acknowledge what she was doing, just walking thru without even giving her a glance or saying a word of thanks.... not that she was expecting it anyway... she was just wanting to help cos I had told her this was a way to help others...

If we have more people like her, Singapore would be a much gracious place but I won't be surprised if in time, Sarah would get tired and stop wanting to help so much esp if her efforts continue not to be acknowledge...

And I realised more and more that basically graciousness begins with us... we are expecting it too much from others... whining and complaining abt how this or that person was ungracious etc... even to the point of bitching and calling that person names, cursing that driver for cutting our lane and swearing loudly at how ungracious that driver was being.... without realising how ungracious we were becoming ourselves by doing that.... we keep putting the ball in other's court to be gracious without realising or remembering that essentially if we all start being gracious ourselves, we would soon begin to realise that the world was beginning to be that much better place to live in cos everyone is putting the expectation on their ownself to be gracious and simply NICE!

So shall we begin?

Armpit attack!!

I really can't stand it when I see people showing off their armpits by wearing those sleeveless tops.... some people have very nicely toned arms and just does not go waving their armpits around... and that's fine... my grouse is with people flabby arms, unshaven armpits or armpits that simply should be kept hidden at all cost for various unmentionable reasons here.... why do you really want to show off such an unflattering part of you?

Dark armpits, those with flaps of skin.... please just keep it to yourself ok? Especially the men... oh men I can really faint at the sight of springy bushes of the clearly low-insight men holding on to the bus rails showing off all they have for all to see.... how can they even stand it, themselves... and how do they even manage to put down their arms? It is so bushy that I suspect they have to make quite an effort just to hang their arms down! Perhaps that is why they keep their arms up?

I also dun understand how people with really bad figures wearing very skimpy outfits... to me when its not good enuf to show off, just keep it to yourself... which is why in the gym and aerobics classes, I am the one with the baggy ts and long pants... you would never see me caught dead wearing those skimpy outfits... maybe when I am leaner and slimmer, I might but no way am I showing off unflattering parts of myself to others!

And yes finally, months of workout is showing the fruits of my labour, with slimmer butts and thighs.... so maybe just maybe.... I can show off something in aerobics class one day : ) but no way would it be the armpits tho... just keep that one to yourself ok?

To Wii anyone?

I succumbed and decided to get a Wii but my dear hub beat me to it and bought me one hee! Super thanks dear hub! And its so fun! No sitting around and just pressing the controls, you get to get to the action.... I really felt like I was playing tennis in Wii Sports and cooking, stirring, chopping etc in Cooking Mama though I can never get my stove and oven controls right and my food always got burnt!

To add to my Wii, I bought the Ultimate Adventure Challenge and the Wii Fit... the Ultimate adventure challenge esp is good for the girls as they get to run and jump on the mat without having to worry about the controls ... they were having so much difficulty with the controls with Sarah not knowing how to steer and keep getting stuck by the side of walls in Mario Kart! Tasnym is the sore loser, stepping out of the competition and refusing to play on whenever she realises that she was losing... sigh! And she will throw tantrums and quarrel with Sarah!

So now I have Mario Kart, Sports, Pitfall, Cooking Mama, Sims Kingdom and a whole stack more courtesy of my friend who lent me her games.... now... to only find the time to play!

Singaporeans Gracious?

I definitely dun think so... especially after my last 2 weeks experience in US and Vancouver ... after what I experience there on a daily basis, I now truly understand what customer service and graciousness really mean....

You are really made to feel welcomed and like they really care about you, and its all genuine... you know they are not just putting on a show.... struglle with a stroller thru a door, you have people walking out of their way to open the door for you, no need to ask..

Pushing the girls around in this stroller is no mean task and a tough butt workout!!

To think that people feel that Singaporeans are becoming more gracious.... yeah right! I just walked into Kiehls at Taka the other day, the salesgirl never even bothered acknowledging me. When I asked for the price of the lip gloss, "26" was the curt reply with a sharp nod when I said thanks, maybe she was busy especially with the store being empty! We've got a long way to go I tell you. I can still remember how I was treated when I went into Coach and was treated so well! You will get the same treatment even from any other smaller shops as well, people greet you, ask how you are doing, chat with you and go out of their way to serve you. Anyway, bad service is not tolerated with people ever ready to complain if they receive what they perceive to be bad service....they are willing to complain even if it was someone else receiving bad service (I actually saw that happening in MacDonalds'!)

The trip was really good with me buying half the coach outlet store! I just dun und why Coach Singapore has to jack up their prices by so much! The same bag in Singapore can be bought at just a fraction of the price in US. Shopping was definitely good with my luggage nearly exploding... and with such good service, who would not buy lots of stuff?

Playing on Grouse mountain in Vancouver... we had no idea how to make a snowman... anyway it was too cold for me to even want to try!

It snowed! And everything became a white wonderland...to think that Vancouver was once known as Sunny Vancouver cos it never was known to snow there...

And yes we got to experience snow for the first time! And ended up falling sick with me and the elder 2 girls registering 40 deg fevers! Must be the shock to the system to encounter such cold!

My best meal of the whole trip... eating at Crab Pot neat the waterfront... huge crabs, clams, corn and potatoes dumped on to your table and you dig in! YUM! It was good with the seafood being super fresh and sweet...

My meal of fresh oysters at the Pike Market

Pike Market.... where the fish go flying after you buy them!

Food though was a problem... not that there was no halal food but we had to really go out of our way to get them... So I went on a diet, not that I was not on one already! And I lost 3 kg! Which finally registered on the scales! What with all the walking, lack of food and 40 deg fevers! Ha!

The beautiful view of Mt Rainier and the Space Needle in Seattle.

Weighty issues

Drink lots of water - check
Drink lots of green tea - check
Eat lots of fruit and increase fibre intake - check
cut down food portions - check
exercise 5 times a week - check

So question is why is the weighing scale not registering a smaller number? I have drunk so much water that the toilet has become my second office and my green tea sachets are running out...

Friends around are saying that I look slimmer and that puzzles me... well I know there is conversion of fat to muscle ... with muscle being more compact and heavier... but it won't harm the stupid scale to register a smaller number would it? And it is so unfair (hmm.. this is giving me a sense of dejavu... have I made the same whine in earlier posts?) ... when I eat slightly I gain weight much faster than I can lose! Urgh!! Blame my mum, why must she make nasi rawan, roti kirai and kacang pool three days consequtively (eh how to spell this word)... sabo me like that!

Someday my prince will come...

Sarah: Mama, one day I want to marry a prince (after we finished reading Cinderella together)
Mama: Uh... okay...
Tasnym (starting to wail): I want Sarah! I want Sarah to marry me!!
Sarah: Eh girl cannot marry girl lah Tasnym!!

I think it was in every girls' dream... or almost every girl to marry a prince... the romantic dashing prince who is going to sweep you off your feet, ride off into the sunset, saving you from the stepmothers and witches of the time... seems like every girl dreams of being a princess... where did all these fantasies come from, I ask you... I blame it all on Disney... I mean before my girls knew the princesses, Tasnym's dream was to either become Mickey mouse or Barney. now she wants to be a princess and Sarah wants to marry a Prince... I think its also Disney's fault that we somehow inadvartently look for a prince in the non-prince guys who comes along... not willing to look at the genuinely nice guy cos well he is not a prince.

I never really thot about it before but I kind of now realised how silly the princess fairy tales are... I mean why must the prince in Cinderella use the shoe to look for her? You mean he can't recognise her face, just because she was all dressed up? After all they did dance together... didn't he gaze at her face long enough? He really needed the shoe to find the girl? And you mean only Cinderella has that shoe size and no one else did? Hmmm sounds like me actually, perhaps she too wears a size 10...

And that Snow White, the prince saw her in a glass coffin and fell in love with her... talk about being morbid... falling in love with a dead person and for them to just ride off in the sunset when they barely even know each other???!!! For all she knows, he is an axe-murderer...

See what these fairy tales are teaching our girls... that men are basically myopic guys who cannot even recognise/ see the beauty in front of his eyes (hmmm....kind of true actually) .... or that they should just trust in the guy who lifted them out of a coffin even though they have no idea what he is like... no wonder we have so many women just falling for the wrong guys... the guy just need to do something small and nice for the girl and she has fallen for him...

Its time for the stories to change... thats for sure!

1st birthday

Making sure everything is in order for the party...

Yep... everything is in place

Daniah's first birthday party had come and gone.... and I think (and hope) there would be a long while before I need to plan for another one.... already Sarah is telling me that she would like her birthday celebrated at the chalet and wants to have a pinata too!! bankrupt!

I dun have pictures from the party as was not holding the camera that day... pics are with the hubby and thing is he passed his camera on to his cousins who took photos of themselves! ha ha! oh well... I didn't even eat much... didn't even get to taste my mil's scrumptious cooking... just didn't have the appetite... so my diet is still in check despite the party... and yipppeee!! I have finally broken the barrier and am down to 69kg!! Pressing on downwards....

Counting her pressies

Thank you, thank you all, I love you!! And now if I can only find a way to stop my sisters from taking away my presents!

We spent the next day at the zoo and the night safari (which is a first for the girls)... not that Tasnym was aware of anything in the night safari as she had within 45 min of being there, zonked off to lala land!!!

Sarah... feeding the goats

Bouncing up and down in my little red wagon... who are you calling a boy?

I wish Daniah's hair would just grow faster... she is being mistaken for a boy that I have taken to ensuring she is in dresses... even with her pink mary jane shoes, a pakcik can mistaken her and called her "abang nak makan roti?"... the pakcik must have serious problems with his eyesight... for a moment there I was wondering who that old man was referring to... she is getting fairer by the day but no way would she be able to fight Tasnym in being super fair!

Its kind of funny cos the same thing happened with Sarah where all will mistaken her for a boy despite my best efforts to put hair clips on her etc. Alamak!! Tasnym, on the other hand has never been mistaken for a boy... her curls and looks are definitely girl but her behavior... oh my!

10 things for the year

I did not make any new year resolutions ... still have not...

But a few days back, one of my good friends talked about how she was going to do 40 new things she has never done before in her life for this new year .... and it set me thinking... that perhaps I should do the same... not 40, I think thats too many for me ... but perhaps a much smaller number of 10.

Hmmm.... what could I do? Learn to play an instrument? Teach my daughters the value of charity? I really dunno... When I was younger, I did feel quite oppressed by my parents, as they in their want to protect, was too careful as to what they would allow me to do... but now, with 3 kids in tow... its gonna be tough too...

Ok for one... to visit the US of A and Canada...

I'll think of more and update : )

And twirl....

Tasnym went for her first ballet class least weekend... she had been sooooo excited that she wanted to 'try' on the clothes over and over days before....

Hands on the waist Tasnym, not the tummy.... dun worry just breathe in...

She was the only one in the class in purple while all the other girls were in pink.... and also the only one with a tiara on her head... ever the absolute princess!!

Poor Sarah was also supposed to start her art class on the same day... something she had been bugging us on for months and months.... unfortunately the teacher was ill that day and her class had to be postponed... luckily she is such a good sport and willingly and nicely drew at the lobby while waiting for Tasnym to complete her ballet...

All excited, and ready to go.... the teacher better turn up next week!

2008 - it came and it went....

Well the year came and went... it was just another day for me as 1 jan rolled by... there was no special celebrations ... afterall the main organiser aka 'ah' is out of town... and to think I missed out on last year's due to Daniah's birth...

I have no new year resolutions... can't be bothered to come up with one... dun think i'll stick to it anyway... tho I definitely am very serious about losing weight... and lose I have tho I so easily gained it back after eating at parties.... I take one month to lose and 1 party to gain... fair or not I ask you?!! I was definitely amused today standing behind 2 guys at the pharmacy counter buying nicotine patches to stop smoking ... good for them... apparently their new year resolution... wat with more restrictions curbing where they can smoke... ban it in all public places!

oh well... we had a fun last weekend, going to Malacca, the zoo, marina barrage... all in one week... and Daniah ended up contracting a throat infection with fever... orang nak tukar tahun : )

her birthday bash is coming up this sunday... so fast time flies... and Sarah is going to Primary 1 next year!!!

The Equatorial Hotel in Malacca was really good... I would recommend it as a destination ... I mean Malacca used to be such a sleepy town, people would just drive past to go to KL but with the opening of the Dataran Pahlawan Mall, it was good shopping, shopping, shopping.... the mall really reminds me of MBK in BKK to a smaller extent. There was a small shop selling tiny little baby nyonya kebayas... so cute!! next time I'm gonna go back to get that!!

1st birthday!

Daniah's first birthday party is coming up, all planned for 4th Jan... we were unable to get a chalet on an earlier date as they have been solid booked for the whole of Dec... so Jan 4th it is... Its beginning to feel like I am planning for her wedding or something as I go into the full mode of buying all sorts of things for the party, pinata and all... the works I tell you!! I have been having it in my mind that this is the last 1st birthday party I am preparing for and so kind of went on an over mode in preparing and planning...

Not fully decided on the menu yet, but we will be having a bbq... chicken, meat, seafood... grandma would be the cook... of course... possibly coming up with delicious main course... maybe bamiah...I dunno... I was even thinking of having boiled cockles...

For that day, my diet takes a break....

I am definitely not seeing any downward movement on my scale... still stuck at 70... I have also started taking several small meals instead of 3 large ones with most of those small meals made up of fruits... Climb up stairs, aerobics, gym... if only I could see the numbers go down... One thing tho I do notice is that I am more fit and toned...

The scale must be broken...

I am totally an impatient person... which is why I simply cannot wait for the scale to show that I have even made the slightest impact in my recent efforts to really lose weight! That scale has something against me I tell you! Sigh... I am on my journey back to where I was when I got married... way before these 3 babies had loaded on the weight for me....

I am not giving up but it does little to the esteem when a month's worth of effort has not registered a change.... not even a single darn kilo??!!! I do think tho that I have reduced some inches around the waist tho I have definitely not checked... too scared that I would be disappointed!! But the tummy does look flatter... maybe a tiny little bit...

I am not going on some diet fad ... or taking anything that might harm my body... I know of friends who had gone on the just fruits diet etc... but I'm definitely not doing that cos I seriously do not think that is healthy. I am not the sort who would drink health shakes either as a substitute for food... thats not food!

I am going to cut down on taking snacks, taking unhealthy fatty food (ie no fries, chips, donuts... eeek and the list goes on!!), eating less carbo (that I can't burn off), less red meat... but maintaining a good intake of fruits and protein... also starting to be more active...

I have completely cut out sweet drinks (no more bubble tea, peach tea, lemon tea.... waaaah!) ... mineral water is all I take now and I dun eat dinner usually or replacing dinner with fruits... And for a month now, I've been going for aerobics, once a week... tho I do think I need to do this more frequently tho its hard to get time off from work to do it and I can't bring the girls to aerobics... so I am gonna start walking up the stairs at work more often too...

surely all these sacrifices would amount to something... the scale is broken I tell you!!

Tateh!

The girls on Hari Raya Haji in their Aodai...

Daniah has been resisting to walk on her own... despite making all her rounds around any table she can find for the past 2 months now... she definitely could do it cos she managed to make 2 steps when she was not conscious of making that step... but try to get her to walk with her fully aware... and she definitely won't do it... Finally today... Sarah called me at work to say, hey Daniah has walked a full distance!!

In my set of wheels..

I am kind of glad that despite being a full time working mum, I have never missed any first milestones that my children did... its like they waited for me before they make that first step, the first clap, the first smile...

And the next thing she does now is to hide and go "Caaaaak" (or should I say 'Taaaak' in her words?) when she sees your face... Very good at screaming too whenever she fights with Tasnym over toys.... but the funny thing is that she would then look over at me or my mum in tears, making noise, like asking us to do something to defend her and complaining about Tasnym... she does overstep it too... complaining about Tasnym over the slightest thing even when the sister was not doing anything much apart from being near her...

My honey and poison...

She is my honey and my poison... that was how my dad once described me when someone we visited during the hari raya period years ago commented on my status as an only child. It was not my parents choice to only have one child... that I know... but it was God's decision that there would be only one...

I know of friends who planned only to have one child, for whatever reasons... be it financial, a lack of time, inability to cope etc.. but whenever I can I would put my two cents worth why they should not only stick to one... no, it has nothing to do with the govt's drive for more kids but more of the challenges that an only child has to face... it goes even deeper than the idea of not having any playmates at home... well yes, I was lonely and yes I did not have a playmate but as I grew older, there was the growing realisation of a huge responsibility that I shoulder completely alone, far greater than even the notion that I am the only one who could fulfill my parents' expectations...

Many parents would say that they would not want to depend on their children to care for them in old age... not knowing whether the child they brought up could even be depended on... they may say that they would not want to burden their children anyway, having kept the necessary money for their old age...

But fact is that, any well brought up filial child would carry that burden and responsibility with them...that is of caring for the parents... and it falls completely and only on me... I can't share it not having anyone to share it with...Who would I be able to turn to when I may be faced to make a decision about my parents welfare... what if I cannot afford to pay for my parents' medical needs... who is there to help me in sharing my parents' care- physically, emotionally and financially?

No one... it falls on me and only me.... the thought scares me... what with increasing medical costs... it scares me ... to know that there is only me that I could turn to...

And that is the huge burden that any single child have to carry... You may think that you are doing the child a favor to have only one child as you think that you can then concentrate on giving your best to that child... but you may not realise the immense responsibility that you had inadvertently placed on that child's shoulders...

I fully envy my friends and cousins who have siblings... they do not realise the good fortune they had in having siblings... I cherish my cousins though they may not always feel the same way about me.. as I know that they are the only quasi-siblings I can ever have... but realisation is often there that at the end of the day... it is their family sub-systems that they would turn to and be loyal and at the end of the day, I am still outside that circle... It also puzzles me sometimes why siblings want to destroy the relationship that they have with one another... they dun seem to realise the gift they have, to quibble over non-matters... but I cannot truly understand, may never be able to as I continue standing on the outside looking in...

Glam Bags

If you were to see a mum struggling with her baby and young pre-schooler while the maid walks behind carrying a glam coach bag.... that would be me.... I would also be the one pushing the stroller.... while the maid walks empty handed behind me...

When I walk around Singapore shopping malls... and believe me I do a lot of this.... I see many glam mums walking carrying their glam bags on their shoulders while the maid struggles with the baby and the diaper bag and the groceries.... these mums may even balk at the idea of having their maids carrying their precious LV, Gucci bags ... at the possible notion that the maid may taint the bag in any way...

My thots are... what exactly is more precious to me.... my bag or my baby... and I can easily tell you its my baby.... my hub has sometimes scolded me that I dun value my bags very much cos I kind of place it anyway and anywhere in the house... and in a sense that is true... I mean I like my bags and all but I do not think I want to put so much value on them no matter how much expensive they are.... and no, I am not rich....

Even from the very first time we had a maid, it has always been our idea that the maid should never be given any child rearing task... and my situation allows it as my mum does the child minding while the maid only do household chores. Even in my household, the same happens when I am not at work that I and the hub care for the children while the maid does the other chores... she only helps in supervising occasionally...whenever the need arises....

I balk at the idea of my children preferring my maid to me... even the thot that any one of my child would turn to my maid rather than me is a nightmare that I would never want...so I would carry my baby whenever we go out because I would always want the first preference of my children to be me, not the maid.... when the child falls and get hurt.... and the first person they turn to is the maid... I would see myself as having completely failed as a parent...

But of course that is me.... if you prefer the children to go to the maid... and the bags have a strong attachment to you... that is ultimately your choice....

Tatak!

Someone is definitely showing that she is no pushover and has a mean temper of her own... try touching her toys, especially if its Tasnym and you'll get a scream in your ears... A person who still can't walk yet and already starting to talk.... calling her sisters "Tatak" to the amusement and delight of both!

She would be in the midst of the older ones playing... no way would she allow them to play without involving her... her birthday is coming up ... can't believe how time flies and soon she would be one... and Sarah would soon be in P1, Argh I'm growing old!! I do love babies... but no way am I gonna have another one... I can't even cope with these 3... with the world changing so much...I do worry abt how the girls will turn out to be and whether my parenting would ever be good enough... whether I am doing the right thing.

I got a bad fitness assessment last week... not that I was expecting otherwise... but it really hit me that I really need to do something... not enuf to just be depressed and whine about my state of health... so I got serious and signed up for Amore classes... have gone for weekly classes now... but still very uncoordinated trying hard to gelek top and bottom in my bellydancing class... sometimes tho I watched the others and truly wondered at how seriously they took the classes... I do it for fun and to lose weight but these people seems all out to be the next world belly dancer to rival Ms Turkey! Did Yoga too... who ever said it was easy... and what chants?... I can't even think ...just needing to focus on maintaining my balance....

So there goes my bubble tea... no more can drinks... sigh... I must be determined and more serious in doing this... I am so tired of people asking me if I am pregnant.... NO I AM NOT!!! ... after all I've been battling my weight gain since my first pregnancy 5 years ago...to be labelled as obese tho I dun look it... and to have a fat content of 40%... gulp... I know where all that is!!

Oh well... onwards in my journey in losing weight ...

Innocent Babes

We went to another Parent teacher meeting last weekend... with some trepidation as to what complaints we may be getting on Tasnym... and she didn't fail us... with the van driver complaining about her not wanting to sit and be belted ... the teacher shared about an incident in which she had purposely stepped on another girl's hand ...after the latter provoked her by demanding that she sit down during circle time instead of standing beside the teacher... and then running away very quickly to sit elsewhere... I did not know whether to laugh or cry... At least we know she can defend herself and would stand up to unwarranted criticisms and demands!!

We were also amused to hear of how Sarah would ask permission to leave her class whenever she hears Tasnym crying, in her words "My sister needs me, I need to go out,"... and sometimes in exasperation when Tasnym starts wailing for me, to say "Mama go work!"

The joys of children....

Which leads me to seriously wonder how and why some people could have the heart to harm their children, torture them and cause them so much pain that it lead to the little child's deaths... tho I admit it might be a better option for these children to be dead than to remain alive under such parents and have their agony prolonged. One baby did not make it even to her 6 months birthday... Why would someone even bother go thru 9 months of pregnancy, painful labour only to kill the very ones they had carried in their womb? Or allow someone to do it...

What is it that could lead a man to feel aroused by a baby ... and feel the need to rape the little child? Read about Baby Brianna and baby P and you will know what I am talking about...

Harlow's experiment on the monkeys showed that monkeys who had been deprived of love and care in their infancy and early childhood were unable to develop empathy and were at high risk of killing or harming their own offsprings... similar observations in orphanages that are not well run showed babies and young children with 'dead eyes' and a lack of ability to develop a social relationship with others... I can only shudder at the thought of them becoming parents one day in turn and how they could or would not be able to develop any feelings of love and care for their children... and subsequently causing the baby harm... Could that be the reason behind why Baby Brianna's parents and baby P's parents had done so much harm... cos they too had been harmed themselves in their childhood or cos they had never been taught or received the true meaning of love when they were younger... disabling their ability to generate empathy for others...and the ability to stop... before they would cause harm...

Ready, steady and UP!

Ready, steady yourself first and up you go on two legs... the momentous joy of learning to stand!!! She too realised what a feat she had achieved and would clap happily ... she can already walk around tables at top speed mind you, lifting one leg high up and thumping it onto the ground repeatedly as she moves around the table... funny thing is that she only goes counter clockwise!! Try putting a piece of tissue a distance away and you can see her moving at top speed homing in... favourite activity - shredding tissue paper!!

My mum as usual has this theory that I had eaten too much crab during pregnancy which is why Daniah walks like a crab... sigh... where does she get all this ideas?

Hot Potato and Grasshopper Gal

Sarah with her best friend, Sabrina.

The girls had their year end concert performance again... this time at the DBS auditorium... and my did Tasnym have a performance! No crying this time, she got to the groove... but funny thing was the sullen serious expression on her face the whole time... The thing tho was that she was at the far corner preventing us from getting better photos... but possibly the teachers were just trying to be careful after last year's fiasco!!

Sarah too had a good performance but I think I definitely preferred her Malay dance last year...

Til death do us part?

Marriage is suppose to last a lifetime and beyond... and so we hope and pray as we make solemn vows on our wedding day... but not many does... we know the statisitics have gone up but it is just a number and it remains a remote information as it is just something that happens to someone out there and you theorise why it happened... they are too young, immature...

The situation however, gets different when it comes closer... and it happens to people you know or close to you and you hear the stories of the marriage that falls apart... you just realise that it is not just to do with being too young or immaturity... its for real, no longer a statistics in the govt page... and you just end up wondering whether it could happen to you and pray that it won't ...

In all the cases I know... it was the man who had walked out... physically and/or emotionally and in all the situations it was because of the presence of another person... I'm not male hitting here but I asked myself what was it that had happened in that marriage to have caused the man to look elsewhere? What had happened to the love that brought the two person together to make the man feel, well the love is no longer there and now its time to look elsewhere? Or is it something else?

It was only in one case I know that the man had not been in love in the first place, more of a rebound relationship when he got married but for the others, they were love matches... no one had put a gun to their head to get married... so what was it that made them then look elsewhere?

You know its easy to just blame the women... both the wife and the other party - the so called seductress who stole the husband away... its easy to say ...oh, maybe the wife did not look after herself, did not meet her husband's needs, was too focus on the kids... that the seductress did all that and seduced the man ...and oh so easily we just absolve the man of his guilt of walking out of his family...

In all the cases that I knew off, the wives were all still pretty and young... one had a fantastic looking body...so where does that put us? In one case, the 'other woman' is a friend... and nowhere in my mind can I even picture her as a seductress... she is just a normal everyday girl... just like anyone else... though I was thinking that I would be very worried if I was the 'other woman'... if this man can leave his wife for me... there is nothing to stop him from leaving me for someone else...

So it goes back again to the man... a friend of mine laughed abt it and said we have such low opinion of men's ability to stand up to temptation and think of them to be so weak that they could easily fall off the other side... but I don't think its so easy... I mean what is it that could make them forget their vows, their children and their responsibility and just move on to another heart, another warm body in bed... is it as simple as that it is their predisposition to be that way? I truly dun know... hmmm... need to think more about this... if anybody has any opinions, let me know...

Tudung babe...

Its been 3 years now since I don the tudung and shocked all those around me... They never expected it and many came to my work cubicle frequently in the early weeks, trying to adjust to the look and kept telling me that I looked better without... trying to reconcile and sort out whether the tudung had made a difference to the person...

I gritted my teeth and held on ... knowing that I have made the right decision... a decision that I did not make easily, but took much time to contemplate... I never looked back...even when it got too hot or when the tudung simply refused to sit still, having a life of its own... how people can wear it without pins to hold it down is simply beyond me.... or when the baby kept tugging at the ends...and through time those around me realised that the person inside is still the same... I was still me...

I was asked why I made that decision and the answer was simple, because God has asked me to and I finally felt that I was ready. Some may criticise me for that as they may say that it should not be based on my readiness but simply something for me to follow... I felt though that if I had not felt ready, I may resent it and not been committed to the decision to don the tudung... I do not belief in forcing my daughters to wear the tudung and definitely do not agree to practices of making young children wear the tudung... they will wear it when they are ready and I will just guide them on just what is the complete no-nos... I am happy to note that they do see me as their role model and on occasions had asked me to don tudung on them as they see me putting it on...

Why did I do it at that point of time... basically cos I had been asking myself what was it that had been holding me back for so long... when I knew that it was something that God had wanted me to do...I had asked myself, was it simply vanity? What made me think that a person who wears the tudung is not beautiful? Isn't Wahdina still beautiful... even more so after she dons the tudung...and somehow I think God opened my heart to make that decision... with a full wardrobe of tudung that can't fit in anymore!

I make this entry as I reflected on some discussions on forum threads why Muslim girls do this and why some had chosen to take it off after a period of donning the tudung. I knew a girl who did just that and I've always wondered what prompted her decision but never close enough to be able to ask. Who am I to judge anyway...

I know many who would not want to don the tudung or who are hesitant to do so... some simply cos out of vanity as they think that wearing the tudung would turn them into a makcik...or as they fear or worry about how others would view them especially when many of their friends do not wear the tudung or are non-Muslims... To this I would say, why should you worry, the choice is between you and God and others perception of you then becomes a challenge that you must face... and this makcik would also tell you... hey wearing the tudung can be beautiful... and if you are a makcik, just act your age!

Interestingly, it is also my non-Muslim friends, after they grew accustomed to my wearing the tudung, also became my 'tudung-protector'.... they are the ones who would tell me when I am 'showing skin' or hair and would even begin to question why other Muslim girls are not wearing the tudung when it is clear according to religion that they should...

The funny thing though is the awareness of how differently people treat you whether you wear the tudung or not... I remember in my university years, how somehow I didn't fit in with those who wore the tudung, there was somehow an us against them sense of delineation... although I had never been wild or fitted in with the party going girls either... I also sense how some people developed a berth around me after I wore the tudung, some out of respect.... others possibly on the notion that I am different and therefore would not have any commonalities with them... the sad thing though is that they never bothered to learn the real me or got to know me well enough to test out their presumptions and notions about me... I was different... and that was all they were willing to see...

Would I remove the tudung... no, I dun think so... and somehow I feel great pride when I see my younger cousins and other Muslim girls donning it on for the first time... and I welcome them into the realm of tudunghood...while I wait for the others to see the beauty of donning the tudung and join the realm too ... You know who you are ; )

Second Child Syndrome?

I have been scratching my head on how to manage Tasnym... even began to have doubts on how my parenting was as she tests every skill and knowledge in my books...

I think it really made me feel so much better after a conversation with my Australian consultant a week ago and felt so reassured when she shared similar experiences in managing her second son... she is the expert and if she had problems... what more me a mere mortal? Tantrums, strong personality, dealing with sibling rivalry... everything all in one package... And my conversation with others revealed that I definitely am not alone in facing these... but the coincidence is in it happening with the second child.

What is it about being the second child that we are seeing their behaviors to be so challenging... or is that a mere coincidence in the order of birth... I truly wonder.... Possibly they are trying to find their own niche after coming in second, making sure that they not lose out to all the privileges that the first born has gotten... possibly it is their way of ensuring that the first does not always remain first by virtue of birth but that they get first options too...

It definitely seems true for Tasnym... she always has to be in control, have her say in everything and be first always... even with Daniah, she insists on having her way...sometimes you just feel so sorry for Sarah as she keeps having to give in and you know that its not right that the situation is that way... but peace of mind (from having to deal with that deafening high screech) always wins when you are tired from work... rather than having to be a fair parent who maintains equality and justice...

I know one day Sarah is going to turn around and say that I am not being fair.. not that it has not happened already... but I do hope it would not impact on their relationship with each other as I have heard it happen to other sibling relationships...

Not just a birthmark...

A while ago, I posted my thoughts on not being bothered abt my baby's birthmark anymore... but a few days ago. I learned that it may not be such a benign matter. Spoke to a doctor friend of mine who is a consultant at NUH, who told me that there are instances where such marks are connected to the brain leading to the child getting fits and seizures. He has so kindly offered to have his friend who is a plastic surgeon assess the matter for us.

My friend said that it was important for us to have it scanned and assessed soon. Who would have thought? I really hope it is just what it is.. a birthmark and nothing more..

Anyway, Daniah is already finding her feet at 8 months and now in her 9th month, she may just start walking very soon... Her sisters were also very fast having started walking at 10 and 9 months. And we'll soon have another one to chase after... wonder how come we still have not lost any weight?

Zee Caterpillar

Daniah is now doing her best caterpillar impersonation... go on all fours then slide forward... on all fours then slide forward... and repeat

She has also been able to pull herself up to standing position, won't be surprised if she starts walking very soon.. she is very active and always getting into her sisters' way, trying very hard to get involved in whatever they are doing, to their irritation... we are just waiting for the day when it would be a 3 party fight and quarrels rather than the 2 way fights between just the 2 elder girls... As it is, the older girls are already complaining, "Mama, look at Daniah disturb my book!"... sigh...

Come on smile!

Here are the studio pics!

So angmoh right?
And this one ever so sweet!!

Gorgeous huh?

The ones below are photos that my dad took of the girls. Sarah's is not available in soft copy. Its amazing how alike Tasnym and Daniah look when they smile. Interestingly, Daniah looked exactly like Sarah when she is not smiling!

So who is who? Which one is Tasnym and which one is Daniah?

Sakura

Arent' they simply gorgeous? My two princesses... We went for another family photo shoot last week and were simply too ambitious signing up for a package that allows us 6 costume changes, we barely made it past 2 before Tasnym decided to call a strike and refused to smile anymore!! So not surprisingly only the first few photos turned out well with the rest in the bin! We got 6 soft copy poses too ..so will put that up when its done...

Lets just share..

There was an article in the papers a few weeks back abt non-handicap people using the handicap toilet.. again..

Actually I am one of those who do use the handicap toilet pretty regularly.... but before people start throwing stones at me.. let me explain why....

Firstly, I do think that the handicap should have priority in using the toilets but I definitely do not think that the handicap toilet should be exclusively for the handicapped. In Jusco Tebrau in JB, the handicap toilet is also meant for the pregnant ladies, those with small children etc... the fact that the doors can't shut... well that is another story... but basically the idea is a special toilet for those in need and not just for the wheelchair bound.

Imagine you are a mother with a stroller ... hmmm that issue again... wanting to use the toilet, well she can't jolly well fit into the regular toilet cubicles can she and she can't leave the baby outside either... leave the stroller and bring the baby in? hmmm... what an acrobatic balancing act! So wat options does she have but to use the handicap toilet? And to think of it, I have never seen a mother pushing a stroller with her baby to our toilets... they must all be using the handicap toilets hah?

The other scenario would be when you have small kids with you... again you can't leave them outside and they can't fit into the cubicle esp those extra tiny ones where you can't close the door without having to squeeze by the side of the toilet bowl... who designed those I truly wonder?

So as you can see... other people need that handicap toilet... not just those wheelchair bound ones.

And please can the cleaners leave the handicap toilet doors unlocked... whoever who thought that was a good idea as a way of ensuring that the toilets are only used by the handicap must be seriously demented... I mean why would you want the handicap or anyone else going to a completely different location to get the key first before they can use the toilet... haven't they heard of the term 'high tide'? And I seriously do not think they are doing the handicapped a service... even if they had intended to..

Leave the baby at home?

What a funny remark as a solution to the conflicts strollers have been having with people's feet... leave the baby at home when parents go out shopping, dining or just out in general? And isn't it funny that those remarks are made by those who are not married and are without children... lets see whether they will leave their babies at home when the time comes..

The newspaper article in the Sunday Times just showed how egocentric Singaporeans are in managing issues. The solution should be something that benefits me and me alone. So they say keep the baby at home, dun take the bus... dun the parents have more sense than to take other forms of transport... fold the stroller...

And I wonder dun they realise that not everyone could afford to take taxis everywhere... that the bus is a public option for many... in the UK, there is even a stroller parking lot on the bus and people make way when a parent comes on board with the stroller.

If people complain that strollers are blocking the way on the bus and in the restaurants, shouldn't we think of solutions that would benefit all... no, keeping the baby at home is not the solution... some solutions that would help could be to have family tables arranged at restaurants that would leave more room for people to walk along the aisle... to have stoller lots on buses...

And the issue of stroller conflicts with feet, I dun think the issue is with stroller or trolleys for that matter, cos there are lots of fights between trolleys and feet too... but the issue is with Singaporeans tendency to not give way to others... they just need to be in front... on the roads, on the pavements, in the malls ... there is no difference.. and even if you apologise cos of a genuine mistake, they glare at you like you had owed them a living... its rather bizarre... its truly nothing to do with strollers per se...

Come on the world is big enough to accommodate all of us for now, just move a little, it won't harm you, trust me.

What does it matter to you?

Its a birthmark....

For the upteenth time I find myself having to quote that ....

And the interesting thing is that I never found myself having to say that... not even once... on my trip to UK and Paris...

Why is it that in Singapore and even more so in Malaysia, I find myself having to explain why my baby has a bluish patch on her right cheek repeatedly with a gentle "please dun ask me anymore question" smile ... in Malaysia, they are not even just satisfied with that and would even ask me strange questions about my labour... to test out their old wives theories as to how the patch could possibly have come about... and me with such strong boundary issues have to face such personal questions

Maybe I should instead be saying..."It's a haemangioma, otherwise known as a strawberry mark" and go into a full blown explanation that it is a -

Red or purple-coloured vascular skin markings that develop shortly after birth. most are usually painless and benign. Some lesions (cavernous haemangiomas) will disappear or become harder to see as the child approaches school age.

That should shut them up!

My mother just has her belief that the mark was caused by me going out, whilst pregnant, when there was an eclipse of the sun .. how strange... and stranger yet that she actually believes it when even my grandma debunks it.

I find myself not really caring anymore about the patch.. it used to be a concern and I even contemplated laser treatment etc but now I looked at it and dun see anything wrong with it... Like Penelope got used to her nose... well the patch is a part of Daniah and I think it would be strange if she did not have it anymore. My father still is though and would keep asking when the patch would go away reasoning that its a big concern cos she is a girl. You mean it won't matter if it is a boy? My only thoughts are if a guy were to reject my girl cos of a patch on her face, he is not worth her time and definitely does not deserve this princess!

Daniah turns 7 months yesterday and she has yet to sit fully unsupported and crawl... I think it does not help that she has 2 elder sisters who developed so fast and became a point of comparison. Not that it matters once she finds her legs... she will then become another one that we have to chase after and look out for.... for now, ooohhhh my aching arms and back!!!

Feeling like a maid?

I've heard this comments occasionally from my girl friends whenever they have to do more than the usual household chores "I feel like the maid" ... and it now sets me wondering at how far the women in Singapore have moved on ...

The league of our mothers and grandmothers would never have made such a comment. It was unthought of... it would not have crossed their minds that when they are doing the household chores that they were being treated like a maid or even feel like one. It was their duty, their responsibility ... and there was no two ways about it... they get it done cos who else would? Definitely not the men in the household. At most they get the help of their daughters when the later are of age...

Today though... its a different story.... how much we have moved on to feel that household work need not necessarily be our responsibility ... to feel that it could or should be someone else's ....

Think about it... when women breastfeed... it is tiring, it is taxing, it takes a lot from the women but it would not have crossed their mind to quip "I feel like the maid" when they are actually doing it.. it is their duty, their responsibility, their role to do...

but when it comes to household chores ... hmmm... it becomes a different thing... how is it that we have somehow move to start feeling that when we are doing household chores that this should be the responsibility of the maids and not ours? I think it impacts more on those of us who works full-time...I dun mind having to do household chores... i mean not that i completely dun mind... of course I would prefer not having to do it... but hey if I have to do it, I got to do it....

I start feeling upset tho when I feel that somehow the other members in the house disregard the fact that I am also working full-time and yet having to do the household chores. When things are thrown on the floor or left lying aroound with an expectation that I will pick it up. Sometimes I also feel upset that it is being taken for granted that I will do it so no one else feels compelled to do it... and thats when the thought "I feel like the maid" comes to mind... cos dun we get into that mindset/ tendency that when we have the maid we no longer have to do the household chores and leave it completely to the maid?

I do wonder how the maids feel when this happens to them... not too far different from us I suspect...

Maid Blues... Again x 4!!

Oh when would this ever end... and here I thought we would be getting a maid by tonight and that my house can finally be clean again by tomorrow afternoon... only to get a call from the agency that the maid has failed her exams... 3 x in a row and would now be nicely going home to Indonesia... what was this? a short getaway trip for her???!!!

And the search is on.... again... and the wait is on... again....

so back we would be hauling ourselves to the agency once more ... to make our selection... once more... and subject ourselves to the mercy of waiting ...

London Bridge is falling down

The girls in Bath

We finally made it to UK and Paris for our longest trip ever... and I know there were definitely moments there when dear hubby was ready to just kill Tasnym... cos I felt that way too... Somehow she got into the mode of wanting to be carried everywhere, refusing to move from the pavement she is sitting on until no one else except her papa returns to carry her. Daniah too became an absolute koala refusing anyone else when her mama is around... my arms became muscular from the trip!! Colleagues said that I am now half of me from before the trip! Yeah and slowly but surely gaining back that half!!


I would say that it was a good trip... I loved the natural history museum - to get to see the dinosaur fossils and the bones of the blue whale... wow!! Stonehenge and the changing of guards at the Buckingham Palace was a let down... maybe too much hype than anything else.



Having both sets of grandparents around was a good thing - as extra sets of hands to carry things and manage the girls.. The long flight was a killer and the earlier road trips drove us simply nuts as we just kept getting lost - finding ourselves going the wrong way on the map... and to think that SOME PEOPLE said there is no need for the GPS thingy in UK.. yeah right... the same people who ended up putting themselves on fire cos of stress... just looking for the hotels took more than an hour... as we went round and round... We even ran out of clothes to wear cos some people insisted that I should not be bringing so much clothes, the same people who ended up shopping for clothes cos he did not have anything to wear... hmmmph!

Not forgetting the saga that we went thru when I left my phone behind in Kensington Park. The whole of Singapore was trying to get hold of us in UK and that was on our first day there. I am amazed at my good fortune that the guy who happened to walk past my phone when it coincidentally rang (cos a friend in UK was calling me) picked the call and agreed to return the phone to me! There began the whole saga of my entire family trying their darn hardest to get hold of us after my friend contacted my friends in Singapore to get in touch with me in a very circuitous way..... And I did get my phone back from a very nice person by the name of Mehdi who works in Royal Albert Hall.. Thank you so much!!

And to think that I also left my camera behind in a toilet in Edinburgh and also got it back! I am becoming so forgetful and absent minded!!

My house is till a mess, the suitcase is still lying in the hall ... and we are still dealing with the jet lag... but the memories were worth it... how do you grapple with looking at a building that is 800 years old? Or that a room you are in saw the birth of a King 500 years ago? Living in a bed and Breakfast was an experience... but we definitely could do without all those stairs ... to think we were staying in the attic!

Feeding ducks and swans at Windermere, Lake District

Paris was not as nice an experience... the snobbery of the people, the filth of the metro... it just spoils the entire experience when the places we were at were so nice.. where else can you meet Indian guys selling crepe (that's French Prata!!) speaking French with the snobbery attached!! and the fact that someone attempted to pickpocket my dad! The guy we met at the tourist information counter at the airport was so arrogant... he should definitely not be working there... he told me off for mispronouncing Les Halles..."Its Lee-Al, its French" with a dismissive snort... huh! like I would know how it should be pronounced and like as if he can pronounce Bedok!

Painted faces in Disney. We paid $25 each and they wanted it wiped off after an hour!Never forgetting her trademark pose!!

Its been a long time...

It has been some time since I last blogged... and there has been lots of ups and downs in between... for one the maid left and now I'm waiting for the next maid to come tomorrow... more details some other time...

daniah is now 6 months old and has turned into an absolute koala...

tasnym is well just tasnym... with aspirations of being a princess now

and sarah ... has turned into someone who is trying to discipline her younger sister, like that will happen!

Sarah: Say sorry... say sorry properly... I am still waiting... dun nyeh nyeh nyeh... say it properly.. wat must you say if you want the biscuit? ...