Til death do us part?

Marriage is suppose to last a lifetime and beyond... and so we hope and pray as we make solemn vows on our wedding day... but not many does... we know the statisitics have gone up but it is just a number and it remains a remote information as it is just something that happens to someone out there and you theorise why it happened... they are too young, immature...

The situation however, gets different when it comes closer... and it happens to people you know or close to you and you hear the stories of the marriage that falls apart... you just realise that it is not just to do with being too young or immaturity... its for real, no longer a statistics in the govt page... and you just end up wondering whether it could happen to you and pray that it won't ...

In all the cases I know... it was the man who had walked out... physically and/or emotionally and in all the situations it was because of the presence of another person... I'm not male hitting here but I asked myself what was it that had happened in that marriage to have caused the man to look elsewhere? What had happened to the love that brought the two person together to make the man feel, well the love is no longer there and now its time to look elsewhere? Or is it something else?

It was only in one case I know that the man had not been in love in the first place, more of a rebound relationship when he got married but for the others, they were love matches... no one had put a gun to their head to get married... so what was it that made them then look elsewhere?

You know its easy to just blame the women... both the wife and the other party - the so called seductress who stole the husband away... its easy to say ...oh, maybe the wife did not look after herself, did not meet her husband's needs, was too focus on the kids... that the seductress did all that and seduced the man ...and oh so easily we just absolve the man of his guilt of walking out of his family...

In all the cases that I knew off, the wives were all still pretty and young... one had a fantastic looking body...so where does that put us? In one case, the 'other woman' is a friend... and nowhere in my mind can I even picture her as a seductress... she is just a normal everyday girl... just like anyone else... though I was thinking that I would be very worried if I was the 'other woman'... if this man can leave his wife for me... there is nothing to stop him from leaving me for someone else...

So it goes back again to the man... a friend of mine laughed abt it and said we have such low opinion of men's ability to stand up to temptation and think of them to be so weak that they could easily fall off the other side... but I don't think its so easy... I mean what is it that could make them forget their vows, their children and their responsibility and just move on to another heart, another warm body in bed... is it as simple as that it is their predisposition to be that way? I truly dun know... hmmm... need to think more about this... if anybody has any opinions, let me know...

Tudung babe...

Its been 3 years now since I don the tudung and shocked all those around me... They never expected it and many came to my work cubicle frequently in the early weeks, trying to adjust to the look and kept telling me that I looked better without... trying to reconcile and sort out whether the tudung had made a difference to the person...

I gritted my teeth and held on ... knowing that I have made the right decision... a decision that I did not make easily, but took much time to contemplate... I never looked back...even when it got too hot or when the tudung simply refused to sit still, having a life of its own... how people can wear it without pins to hold it down is simply beyond me.... or when the baby kept tugging at the ends...and through time those around me realised that the person inside is still the same... I was still me...

I was asked why I made that decision and the answer was simple, because God has asked me to and I finally felt that I was ready. Some may criticise me for that as they may say that it should not be based on my readiness but simply something for me to follow... I felt though that if I had not felt ready, I may resent it and not been committed to the decision to don the tudung... I do not belief in forcing my daughters to wear the tudung and definitely do not agree to practices of making young children wear the tudung... they will wear it when they are ready and I will just guide them on just what is the complete no-nos... I am happy to note that they do see me as their role model and on occasions had asked me to don tudung on them as they see me putting it on...

Why did I do it at that point of time... basically cos I had been asking myself what was it that had been holding me back for so long... when I knew that it was something that God had wanted me to do...I had asked myself, was it simply vanity? What made me think that a person who wears the tudung is not beautiful? Isn't Wahdina still beautiful... even more so after she dons the tudung...and somehow I think God opened my heart to make that decision... with a full wardrobe of tudung that can't fit in anymore!

I make this entry as I reflected on some discussions on forum threads why Muslim girls do this and why some had chosen to take it off after a period of donning the tudung. I knew a girl who did just that and I've always wondered what prompted her decision but never close enough to be able to ask. Who am I to judge anyway...

I know many who would not want to don the tudung or who are hesitant to do so... some simply cos out of vanity as they think that wearing the tudung would turn them into a makcik...or as they fear or worry about how others would view them especially when many of their friends do not wear the tudung or are non-Muslims... To this I would say, why should you worry, the choice is between you and God and others perception of you then becomes a challenge that you must face... and this makcik would also tell you... hey wearing the tudung can be beautiful... and if you are a makcik, just act your age!

Interestingly, it is also my non-Muslim friends, after they grew accustomed to my wearing the tudung, also became my 'tudung-protector'.... they are the ones who would tell me when I am 'showing skin' or hair and would even begin to question why other Muslim girls are not wearing the tudung when it is clear according to religion that they should...

The funny thing though is the awareness of how differently people treat you whether you wear the tudung or not... I remember in my university years, how somehow I didn't fit in with those who wore the tudung, there was somehow an us against them sense of delineation... although I had never been wild or fitted in with the party going girls either... I also sense how some people developed a berth around me after I wore the tudung, some out of respect.... others possibly on the notion that I am different and therefore would not have any commonalities with them... the sad thing though is that they never bothered to learn the real me or got to know me well enough to test out their presumptions and notions about me... I was different... and that was all they were willing to see...

Would I remove the tudung... no, I dun think so... and somehow I feel great pride when I see my younger cousins and other Muslim girls donning it on for the first time... and I welcome them into the realm of tudunghood...while I wait for the others to see the beauty of donning the tudung and join the realm too ... You know who you are ; )

Second Child Syndrome?

I have been scratching my head on how to manage Tasnym... even began to have doubts on how my parenting was as she tests every skill and knowledge in my books...

I think it really made me feel so much better after a conversation with my Australian consultant a week ago and felt so reassured when she shared similar experiences in managing her second son... she is the expert and if she had problems... what more me a mere mortal? Tantrums, strong personality, dealing with sibling rivalry... everything all in one package... And my conversation with others revealed that I definitely am not alone in facing these... but the coincidence is in it happening with the second child.

What is it about being the second child that we are seeing their behaviors to be so challenging... or is that a mere coincidence in the order of birth... I truly wonder.... Possibly they are trying to find their own niche after coming in second, making sure that they not lose out to all the privileges that the first born has gotten... possibly it is their way of ensuring that the first does not always remain first by virtue of birth but that they get first options too...

It definitely seems true for Tasnym... she always has to be in control, have her say in everything and be first always... even with Daniah, she insists on having her way...sometimes you just feel so sorry for Sarah as she keeps having to give in and you know that its not right that the situation is that way... but peace of mind (from having to deal with that deafening high screech) always wins when you are tired from work... rather than having to be a fair parent who maintains equality and justice...

I know one day Sarah is going to turn around and say that I am not being fair.. not that it has not happened already... but I do hope it would not impact on their relationship with each other as I have heard it happen to other sibling relationships...

Not just a birthmark...

A while ago, I posted my thoughts on not being bothered abt my baby's birthmark anymore... but a few days ago. I learned that it may not be such a benign matter. Spoke to a doctor friend of mine who is a consultant at NUH, who told me that there are instances where such marks are connected to the brain leading to the child getting fits and seizures. He has so kindly offered to have his friend who is a plastic surgeon assess the matter for us.

My friend said that it was important for us to have it scanned and assessed soon. Who would have thought? I really hope it is just what it is.. a birthmark and nothing more..

Anyway, Daniah is already finding her feet at 8 months and now in her 9th month, she may just start walking very soon... Her sisters were also very fast having started walking at 10 and 9 months. And we'll soon have another one to chase after... wonder how come we still have not lost any weight?

Zee Caterpillar

Daniah is now doing her best caterpillar impersonation... go on all fours then slide forward... on all fours then slide forward... and repeat

She has also been able to pull herself up to standing position, won't be surprised if she starts walking very soon.. she is very active and always getting into her sisters' way, trying very hard to get involved in whatever they are doing, to their irritation... we are just waiting for the day when it would be a 3 party fight and quarrels rather than the 2 way fights between just the 2 elder girls... As it is, the older girls are already complaining, "Mama, look at Daniah disturb my book!"... sigh...

Come on smile!

Here are the studio pics!

So angmoh right?
And this one ever so sweet!!

Gorgeous huh?

The ones below are photos that my dad took of the girls. Sarah's is not available in soft copy. Its amazing how alike Tasnym and Daniah look when they smile. Interestingly, Daniah looked exactly like Sarah when she is not smiling!

So who is who? Which one is Tasnym and which one is Daniah?

Sakura

Arent' they simply gorgeous? My two princesses... We went for another family photo shoot last week and were simply too ambitious signing up for a package that allows us 6 costume changes, we barely made it past 2 before Tasnym decided to call a strike and refused to smile anymore!! So not surprisingly only the first few photos turned out well with the rest in the bin! We got 6 soft copy poses too ..so will put that up when its done...

Lets just share..

There was an article in the papers a few weeks back abt non-handicap people using the handicap toilet.. again..

Actually I am one of those who do use the handicap toilet pretty regularly.... but before people start throwing stones at me.. let me explain why....

Firstly, I do think that the handicap should have priority in using the toilets but I definitely do not think that the handicap toilet should be exclusively for the handicapped. In Jusco Tebrau in JB, the handicap toilet is also meant for the pregnant ladies, those with small children etc... the fact that the doors can't shut... well that is another story... but basically the idea is a special toilet for those in need and not just for the wheelchair bound.

Imagine you are a mother with a stroller ... hmmm that issue again... wanting to use the toilet, well she can't jolly well fit into the regular toilet cubicles can she and she can't leave the baby outside either... leave the stroller and bring the baby in? hmmm... what an acrobatic balancing act! So wat options does she have but to use the handicap toilet? And to think of it, I have never seen a mother pushing a stroller with her baby to our toilets... they must all be using the handicap toilets hah?

The other scenario would be when you have small kids with you... again you can't leave them outside and they can't fit into the cubicle esp those extra tiny ones where you can't close the door without having to squeeze by the side of the toilet bowl... who designed those I truly wonder?

So as you can see... other people need that handicap toilet... not just those wheelchair bound ones.

And please can the cleaners leave the handicap toilet doors unlocked... whoever who thought that was a good idea as a way of ensuring that the toilets are only used by the handicap must be seriously demented... I mean why would you want the handicap or anyone else going to a completely different location to get the key first before they can use the toilet... haven't they heard of the term 'high tide'? And I seriously do not think they are doing the handicapped a service... even if they had intended to..

Leave the baby at home?

What a funny remark as a solution to the conflicts strollers have been having with people's feet... leave the baby at home when parents go out shopping, dining or just out in general? And isn't it funny that those remarks are made by those who are not married and are without children... lets see whether they will leave their babies at home when the time comes..

The newspaper article in the Sunday Times just showed how egocentric Singaporeans are in managing issues. The solution should be something that benefits me and me alone. So they say keep the baby at home, dun take the bus... dun the parents have more sense than to take other forms of transport... fold the stroller...

And I wonder dun they realise that not everyone could afford to take taxis everywhere... that the bus is a public option for many... in the UK, there is even a stroller parking lot on the bus and people make way when a parent comes on board with the stroller.

If people complain that strollers are blocking the way on the bus and in the restaurants, shouldn't we think of solutions that would benefit all... no, keeping the baby at home is not the solution... some solutions that would help could be to have family tables arranged at restaurants that would leave more room for people to walk along the aisle... to have stoller lots on buses...

And the issue of stroller conflicts with feet, I dun think the issue is with stroller or trolleys for that matter, cos there are lots of fights between trolleys and feet too... but the issue is with Singaporeans tendency to not give way to others... they just need to be in front... on the roads, on the pavements, in the malls ... there is no difference.. and even if you apologise cos of a genuine mistake, they glare at you like you had owed them a living... its rather bizarre... its truly nothing to do with strollers per se...

Come on the world is big enough to accommodate all of us for now, just move a little, it won't harm you, trust me.

What does it matter to you?

Its a birthmark....

For the upteenth time I find myself having to quote that ....

And the interesting thing is that I never found myself having to say that... not even once... on my trip to UK and Paris...

Why is it that in Singapore and even more so in Malaysia, I find myself having to explain why my baby has a bluish patch on her right cheek repeatedly with a gentle "please dun ask me anymore question" smile ... in Malaysia, they are not even just satisfied with that and would even ask me strange questions about my labour... to test out their old wives theories as to how the patch could possibly have come about... and me with such strong boundary issues have to face such personal questions

Maybe I should instead be saying..."It's a haemangioma, otherwise known as a strawberry mark" and go into a full blown explanation that it is a -

Red or purple-coloured vascular skin markings that develop shortly after birth. most are usually painless and benign. Some lesions (cavernous haemangiomas) will disappear or become harder to see as the child approaches school age.

That should shut them up!

My mother just has her belief that the mark was caused by me going out, whilst pregnant, when there was an eclipse of the sun .. how strange... and stranger yet that she actually believes it when even my grandma debunks it.

I find myself not really caring anymore about the patch.. it used to be a concern and I even contemplated laser treatment etc but now I looked at it and dun see anything wrong with it... Like Penelope got used to her nose... well the patch is a part of Daniah and I think it would be strange if she did not have it anymore. My father still is though and would keep asking when the patch would go away reasoning that its a big concern cos she is a girl. You mean it won't matter if it is a boy? My only thoughts are if a guy were to reject my girl cos of a patch on her face, he is not worth her time and definitely does not deserve this princess!

Daniah turns 7 months yesterday and she has yet to sit fully unsupported and crawl... I think it does not help that she has 2 elder sisters who developed so fast and became a point of comparison. Not that it matters once she finds her legs... she will then become another one that we have to chase after and look out for.... for now, ooohhhh my aching arms and back!!!

Feeling like a maid?

I've heard this comments occasionally from my girl friends whenever they have to do more than the usual household chores "I feel like the maid" ... and it now sets me wondering at how far the women in Singapore have moved on ...

The league of our mothers and grandmothers would never have made such a comment. It was unthought of... it would not have crossed their minds that when they are doing the household chores that they were being treated like a maid or even feel like one. It was their duty, their responsibility ... and there was no two ways about it... they get it done cos who else would? Definitely not the men in the household. At most they get the help of their daughters when the later are of age...

Today though... its a different story.... how much we have moved on to feel that household work need not necessarily be our responsibility ... to feel that it could or should be someone else's ....

Think about it... when women breastfeed... it is tiring, it is taxing, it takes a lot from the women but it would not have crossed their mind to quip "I feel like the maid" when they are actually doing it.. it is their duty, their responsibility, their role to do...

but when it comes to household chores ... hmmm... it becomes a different thing... how is it that we have somehow move to start feeling that when we are doing household chores that this should be the responsibility of the maids and not ours? I think it impacts more on those of us who works full-time...I dun mind having to do household chores... i mean not that i completely dun mind... of course I would prefer not having to do it... but hey if I have to do it, I got to do it....

I start feeling upset tho when I feel that somehow the other members in the house disregard the fact that I am also working full-time and yet having to do the household chores. When things are thrown on the floor or left lying aroound with an expectation that I will pick it up. Sometimes I also feel upset that it is being taken for granted that I will do it so no one else feels compelled to do it... and thats when the thought "I feel like the maid" comes to mind... cos dun we get into that mindset/ tendency that when we have the maid we no longer have to do the household chores and leave it completely to the maid?

I do wonder how the maids feel when this happens to them... not too far different from us I suspect...

Maid Blues... Again x 4!!

Oh when would this ever end... and here I thought we would be getting a maid by tonight and that my house can finally be clean again by tomorrow afternoon... only to get a call from the agency that the maid has failed her exams... 3 x in a row and would now be nicely going home to Indonesia... what was this? a short getaway trip for her???!!!

And the search is on.... again... and the wait is on... again....

so back we would be hauling ourselves to the agency once more ... to make our selection... once more... and subject ourselves to the mercy of waiting ...

London Bridge is falling down

The girls in Bath

We finally made it to UK and Paris for our longest trip ever... and I know there were definitely moments there when dear hubby was ready to just kill Tasnym... cos I felt that way too... Somehow she got into the mode of wanting to be carried everywhere, refusing to move from the pavement she is sitting on until no one else except her papa returns to carry her. Daniah too became an absolute koala refusing anyone else when her mama is around... my arms became muscular from the trip!! Colleagues said that I am now half of me from before the trip! Yeah and slowly but surely gaining back that half!!


I would say that it was a good trip... I loved the natural history museum - to get to see the dinosaur fossils and the bones of the blue whale... wow!! Stonehenge and the changing of guards at the Buckingham Palace was a let down... maybe too much hype than anything else.



Having both sets of grandparents around was a good thing - as extra sets of hands to carry things and manage the girls.. The long flight was a killer and the earlier road trips drove us simply nuts as we just kept getting lost - finding ourselves going the wrong way on the map... and to think that SOME PEOPLE said there is no need for the GPS thingy in UK.. yeah right... the same people who ended up putting themselves on fire cos of stress... just looking for the hotels took more than an hour... as we went round and round... We even ran out of clothes to wear cos some people insisted that I should not be bringing so much clothes, the same people who ended up shopping for clothes cos he did not have anything to wear... hmmmph!

Not forgetting the saga that we went thru when I left my phone behind in Kensington Park. The whole of Singapore was trying to get hold of us in UK and that was on our first day there. I am amazed at my good fortune that the guy who happened to walk past my phone when it coincidentally rang (cos a friend in UK was calling me) picked the call and agreed to return the phone to me! There began the whole saga of my entire family trying their darn hardest to get hold of us after my friend contacted my friends in Singapore to get in touch with me in a very circuitous way..... And I did get my phone back from a very nice person by the name of Mehdi who works in Royal Albert Hall.. Thank you so much!!

And to think that I also left my camera behind in a toilet in Edinburgh and also got it back! I am becoming so forgetful and absent minded!!

My house is till a mess, the suitcase is still lying in the hall ... and we are still dealing with the jet lag... but the memories were worth it... how do you grapple with looking at a building that is 800 years old? Or that a room you are in saw the birth of a King 500 years ago? Living in a bed and Breakfast was an experience... but we definitely could do without all those stairs ... to think we were staying in the attic!

Feeding ducks and swans at Windermere, Lake District

Paris was not as nice an experience... the snobbery of the people, the filth of the metro... it just spoils the entire experience when the places we were at were so nice.. where else can you meet Indian guys selling crepe (that's French Prata!!) speaking French with the snobbery attached!! and the fact that someone attempted to pickpocket my dad! The guy we met at the tourist information counter at the airport was so arrogant... he should definitely not be working there... he told me off for mispronouncing Les Halles..."Its Lee-Al, its French" with a dismissive snort... huh! like I would know how it should be pronounced and like as if he can pronounce Bedok!

Painted faces in Disney. We paid $25 each and they wanted it wiped off after an hour!Never forgetting her trademark pose!!

Its been a long time...

It has been some time since I last blogged... and there has been lots of ups and downs in between... for one the maid left and now I'm waiting for the next maid to come tomorrow... more details some other time...

daniah is now 6 months old and has turned into an absolute koala...

tasnym is well just tasnym... with aspirations of being a princess now

and sarah ... has turned into someone who is trying to discipline her younger sister, like that will happen!

Sarah: Say sorry... say sorry properly... I am still waiting... dun nyeh nyeh nyeh... say it properly.. wat must you say if you want the biscuit? ...

An acquaintance recently spoke about how she was frustrated that her maid was not completing all her given tasks. This was on top of the child caring, cooking etc that she needed to do. It struck me how much we are asking from the domestic help we recruit to care for our homes. There has been many occasions too when I had seen domestic helpers made to carry all the groceries and carry the child while the parents walk empty handed at the malls... and I wonder... do these people think that they have gotten a robot or worse yet do they think that the amount of money they pay these ladies' salarys have given them full authority to use every single inch of the maid's energy? Or whatever they can squeeze out of it... Even when I carry my baby, I try to carry some grocery bags... how do these people have the heart to watch the maid struggling and not feel anything.. to think that many of these maids are so small in size.

I think that the experience I had dealing with not so good maids and the time I had to manage the household myself made me more appreciative of my current help. To care for 3 kids, you got to bathe them, cook for them, feed them, play, clean chase after them, bring them to the toilet multiple times in a day, change diapers etc... I could not even think of cleaning the house, washing dishes is as far as I can go... not to even think that most times I did not even have time for myself, to bathe or even have a breather... so why is it that when we employ domestic help that the expectation is there for them to do all this? Or get angry when they are unable to fulfill it? I suspect that all those ladies who complain somehow have never held the short end of the stick before... I even try to tell my maid that she does not need to do some chores so often and the thing is she is not even caring for my kids full-time only helping my mum to do so.

My current helper spoke abt how when she was at her previous employer, she was allowed only one meal a day - a pack of maggi without any additions like veggie or meat. I was baffled and wondered why people would do that.. to expect the maid to work and yet not give them food? I have also read of people who begrudge or complain about the maid taking that extra scoop of peanut butter..

This people do not deserve a helper, they deserve to be treated the same way they treat their helper..

Put Plaster

Tasnym has a serious fetish with plasters - those that you place over a wound... only for her there need not be a wound.. as long as she got hurt, a piece of plaster need to be pasted over it to make her feel better and the tears go away. It has gotten to the point where we need to hide the plasters in the house or she would have them all pasted on her body... we can easily wipe out the nearest Watson's supply! Don't matter whether they have cartoon prints on them or simply brown plain drab ones - it is still a plaster!

Not just for her, she also gets very excited when others need a plaster and would have a huge grin on her face when you get a wound cos for her you can then "put plaster!!"

Sistas..

We were worried about Tasnym and how she would take to the baby but somehow her love for babies in general carried through to her baby sister. She has always taken a liking for babies, including toy ones and its no exception to Daniah. Wanting to hug, carry and kiss the baby at all times... to Daniah's dismay and apprehension of all those around... as Tasnym is sooo rough!

There was once I caught her carrying the baby and dropping the baby back to the bed when I turned to watch what she was up to... my heart practically stopped!

The 3 sistas

It is interesting how the 2 older ones fight so much and yet think of each other as well. Tasnym would never fail to ask for her sister when the latter is not around. And though she may snatch things from Sarah and refuse to share, she would remember to ask for the extra sweets and snacks from others on behalf of Sarah if she were to be given any. Sarah too does the same.

I just hope that the closeness they share now is carried through .. to be partners in support and love.

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Smile baby smile

The heart stopping smile that makes all the troubles and pains disappear!!

Now if only it can help me lose weight! Mwa haha.. I just have no discipline sigh...

How time flies...

To think that today should be the first day for me at work... I've extended my leave for another month Thank God and is now finally able to enjoy it... with a maid at home...

Dun even know where the past 3 months had gone to ... wat with the washings and cleaning in between... I'm gonna make sure I make full use of the next one month to truly relax...

My visions of losing weight has been left to just that... a vision!! I have not lost any!! Sigh... am I to resign myself to a belly and a weight that just won't go below the 70 marker? Thank God my feet did not grow again this time... small blessings : )

Already scheduled one massage next week... a facial should be next ...

Ties that Bind

Family from far afield - many I have not seen in years, could recognise but without recognition of who they are - came down to Johor yesterday, in respect to a person who passed away on the night of 9th Mar 08. Tokki, my grandfather, had been ill for about 3 years now. I remembered his first admission to the hospital, 2 months after Tasnym's birth... remembered it so well as it was the first time that I drove into JB and the day when I saw Tasnym's first full smile.

It was a surprise when we received that late night phone call on Sunday night.. yes he has been ill but he was doing ok... to hear that he had passed on. It was an easy passing, after having dinner of bread which he promptly threw up, he got my grandma to rub his back. He leaned back against her hand and he left the world. I could only imagine how my grandma felt or went thru at that moment when she realised that he was no longer around. The panic as she called one son after another to rush over and check on him. Children and grandchildren came rushing down through the night. Those further afield coming back way after the funeral was over. It surprised me that some had driven all the way, 4 hours others 8 hours down, only to drive back up on the same day after a brief visit.

It also tells me much about the ties that bind are so fragile if they are not kept bounded. Many faces I saw that day have become merely faces of people I knew... not a word passed our lips to acknowledge each other apart from a nod or maybe even just a passing glance. We were so much closer when we were younger but the distance that separate us have become not only physical but spiritual as well. I recall days of my childhood when the whole house was filled each Hari Raya or events. Everyone lived in JB and were close enought o maintain close ties... but soon each got married, spread out their wings and took flight to various parts of Malaysia. And what was left was a huge home with just my grandparents living in it.

A huge home with a room each for the siblings was soon left vacated one room after another becomng an empty nest... my grandparents converted the rooms to rent out and carved out just a small studio apartment for themselves in that huge home and soon the house that I used to know was no longer there... just a semblance of its former glory.... of the laughter and voices that used to fill it...They even moved to another smaller home when Tokki could no longer cope with the stairs. It was just the 2 of them in that house and I suppose it was appropriate that in death it was just her he was with after the years that it had been just the 2 of them together. It was telling when I asked her where she was moving to since she was now alone, that her response was to be where he was now. At the end of the day... the ties that truly bind is the love that one shares with another... and i hope that mine will be the same.

Days into Nights... Zzzz

I am functioning with very little sleep these past few nights... all cos one toothless babe decided that night has turned to day and would be all active while dozing off in the day!! And even in the day sleep may be an elusive thing for her as she takes 10 minute cat naps... enuf to just drive me crazy!

I've tried swaddling her, placing a towel with my breastmilk on it beside her (supposed to give her the sense that I am close by) and placed drops of lavender oil in het cot... well to give them credit, these methods does work for a time... but not all the time esp when mum aka me is trying to rush off some household chores!!

I was watching Kate n Jon plus 8 and it just amazes me how that lady could manage 8 kids all alone... I can't even handle the chores and 1 baby, not to mention 3 kids when everyone decided that they've got their own stuff to do and well the mother will just have to handle all the children on her own cos its her problem anyway... yes everyone is entitled to their own personal space and time to do their thing... except me it seems.

Talking abt chores, I am still maidless after all these time and I am getting super fed-up... that sometimes clothes are on the floor, possibly cos magically it would fly to the laundry basket on its own, that the cat litter somehow is always not changed (maybe someone was waiting for the cat to flush), the laundry basket can pile up high and the waste basket could overflow... all waiting for moi

gosh for the length of time that I have been waiting, the maid had better be good!

I have been using my time anyway to start losing weight but I think I overdid it somewat as I started having dizzy spels and almost collapsed one day. I was cutting down my calories too drastically... not realising that it would have very negative impacts on me ... and I've been exercising! which is really good esp when u see the kilos on the machine pulling back a little each time ... I have a vision - me beating the 60 kg mark! would I reach there? Stay tuned!

Someday my Prince will come...

Sarah: Mama, today Hidir asked me to be his girlfriend and he wanted to sit beside me. (To the dismay of her dad and amusement of her mum)
Mama: So wat did you tell him?
Sarah: I said NO!

Oh gosh, I thought that this conversation was way too early by 14 years!! Are kids getting too exposed or wat that such conversations are taking place in kindergartens!! Well now she says No but not too sure what her answers may be in years to come and one thing for sure, she may not even be telling us that such conversations are taking place!

Anyway, one thing for sure, she has her heart set on being a princess so we just have to make sure that a true prince does come along... Though I'm not too worried for her cos she is one who knows what she wants... far different from Tasnym who wants what the other person wants and would drop what she has with her ... to the point of spitting food out... if she sees others with something else ... though not necessarily better!!

I want to be a Princess!

Sarah : Papa, When I grow up, I want to be a princess

Papa : But Sarah, I am not a King then how are you going to be a princess?

Sarah : Never mind lah, I can wear the dress and crown and then I will become a Princess!

If only it could be that easy!! But when the opportunity came for her at a recent photo studio to put on what she termed as princess dresses, she jumped at it and became a princess for the day!

But princess or no princess, one thing is for certain and that is this girl has creative juices running in her...

She created this collage from torn paper to form the image of a girl...

Mama : And Tasnym what would you want to be?

Tasnym : Mickey Mouse!

What u doing Mama?

When Sarah first came to know of breastfeeding in those days of Tasnym, she had once lifted up her t-shirt to offer her chest to breastfeed when Tasnym cried!!

She must have forgotten those breastfeeding days cos this time round at the hospital when ut was time to feed Daniah, she asked me... "where's the container to make milk?" esp since she had offered her services to help make milk for the baby when the baby arrives to the granny's amusement... like the granny said "you dun even know how to make your own milk!"

Tasnym was more horrified at the process "Dun mama dun! Dun let the baby eat your tummy!!"

Confine Me ...NOT!!

What's the idea behind the one month confinement anyway? Well the initial few days I understand... with the pain, the aches and the sores... you wouldn't want to get out of the house anyway. I can even understand why baby should be kept more at home as their vulnerable systems are being protected from the ravages of pollution outside... not that we live in a bubble and can protect her that much anyway from being at home.

Thank God my family does not enfore the confinement ideology on me... probably realising the futility of doing such... I would have gone stark raving MAD!! Imagine staring at walls all day as you deal with a screaming infant... someone tell me again the rationale behind the confinement...

I think it has got to do with allowing your body to rest and probably protect you from germs outside too... just dun get it why people enforce it soooo strictly... a walk in the park or thru the shopping centre during off peak hours is not gonna harm anyone... cos if it does, whole nations of westerners would have been wiped out already!!

It's No walk in the Park

Who says breastfeeding was easy? And how come no one warned me that it was not before I had my first child? To spare me all the stress.. All I had was visions of me feeding a baby at my breast thinking that well since it was biological, it must be easy.... says who??

You deal with sore nipples, sore backs, sore shoulders, leaking breasts and an eternity of time with baby at the breast... and everyone else just wanting to hand over the baby to you at the slightest whimper or cry... regardless of the fact that you just finished feeding ... this old ladies have the theory that if the baby suckle at their finger, the baby must be hungry... hmmm... haven't they heard of the reflex psysiological response in babies to just do that, whether they are hungry or not? And comments like "You didn't give enough milk?", "You should give bottled milk then they will feel more full" " You should eat more, then you will have more milk" all those does not help.

I dun think I would have given up total breastfeeding so easily for Sarah or been so stressed out if I had been well prepared... I even started feeling like a failure as a mother as I just could not have enough milk. Well one thing I've learnt is that its ok if you can't, its ok to supplement... yes it might reduce your supply and yes breast milk is the best but I definitely think that its better to keep your sanity and not end up bashing up the baby cos you had a nervous breakdown from dealing with the rigours of feeding!

Now with Daniah, I'm better prepared and better able to know what I need to do... but all the sore stuff.. its still there!

Hey Charlie!

Yes the third angel is out... to complete the set and complete it is.


We did not even reach the 31st Dec... I was kind of having the feeling by the 20th that it was going to be much faster and when the doc confirmed that yup the baby is waaay down south, the wait began and we waited and waited and waited but she didn't turn up even after I turned into a true penguin!! Izad was ever so worried that he may not make it in time to the hospital considering how low the baby was sitting but waited she did.


We went for another appt on the 27th Dec and was so surprised to learn that I was already 4-5 cm dilated!! I wasn't even having any pains yet and completely had no show or any signs yet..
But by the time I reached the delivery ward, the pains began and I calmly asked for an epidural despite the doc's insistence that it was not going to take long... like I cared to know! And boy, I dun regret my decision as the pains began in earnest later and I could feel the intense pain despite the epidural... as my hubby so kindly pointed out as he watched Harry Potter... I would not have been so quiet otherwise... I am NOT a screamer.. thank you very much!

Well, the nurse kept checking in on me asking whether I felt any urge to push and seriously I didn't... that epidural must be working way to well.. the nurse got worried when the baby's heartbeat kept disappearing on the monitor and called the doc which luckily she did way in time... as the baby's head was actually already out!! And we didn't even realise it! So after 4.5 hours labour, which should have been much shorter, Daniah Ariesah was born...

A week later, I can't even finish this blog entry... trying to manage the Charlie's Angels and freelancing as a cow on the side... the joys of motherhood? more like the greatest challenge!

Maids and Brats

Well we are now again maidless... for the next few weeks at least after having sent the last maid back to the agent at her insistence. She was down to even getting her husband to call us telling us that her mother AND mother in law are sick as a means of getting her way home.

So back to an unconducive home envt we are going to have till the new one arrives!

And yes brats... I had a disturbing encounter with one of my hubby's nephew last weekend... a boy of only 5 years... he was playing at the slides, hanging around on the slide rather than going straight down when another boy and my daughter came sliding down... the inevitable happened and he got pushed down as well.. the thing that shocked me was him shouting at me "You stupid mother, you can see I am on the slide and yet you asked them to come down!" That really stunned me for a moment to be coming out from a 5 year old... honestly I dun remember having encountered such a thing before and this from someone who has encountered many children from various dysfunctional backgrounds.

I wondered where he had learnt or seen such a behavior for children act what they see... I can only imagine him having seen some adults in his life behaving that way... children do what they see... this was also the same boy who some months ago, snatched the newspapers away from me as I was reading ... not just once but several times despite me admonishing him each time... and I am not exactly someone whom he sees regularly for him to be behaving in such a boorish manner. Oh goodness... if he does not get some restructuring now, I wonder what other things I am going to encounter from him in years to come.

Doing my Part for Charity

The girls entertaining old folks at a Home...

Oh when oh when..

The last two times, we visited the gynae, I told her clearly that should I not give birth in the Christmas week, I would like to be induced on the 31st Dec.. No way was I going to go into 2008 pregnant! But now... I am not so certain I would reach that date... there seem to be signs of impending labour...

I am in my 37th week... funny thing though this time, I have yet to experience any braxton hicks.. what I do have is low back ache, pain in the pelvis, frequent trips to the loo, not only to pee but to clear the bowels, an increase in discharge that I wonder whether I've lost my plug and a feeling... a definite instinct that baby is gonna be out soon..

the pain in the pelvis tho is getting more frequent and I'm wondering whether I'm already having contractions without realising as I deal with pain in my back and sides... Oh well.. baby just get out soon ok?

I do wonder how she will look... like Tasnym or Sarah... would she have Tasnym's cheeky smile or Sarah's sweet one... cheeky or not, just dun bring along the fiery personality!

My creative genius

She made this all by herself!! An elephant handpuppet ...

The Rollerblader

Check out her moves... at 2.5 years, Tasnym is the blader...

Maid woes

Seems like it aint over yet... been noticing that my new maid's work seems a bit off the mark.. kitchen towel placed with the bath towels, my underwear placed with my hubby's... marks of a person who appeared to be lost in space or thought... my mum said that the maid had confided that she is very frightened of me... and wat is it that i have done to her to cause so much fear???!!


Today she shared the same with me when I asked her abt her work... said that the fear of me had been inculcated even at the time when she was at the training centre as she had been told that I was very fierce.. and she quoted incidences when i corrected her but the thing was that the corrections were done nicely and yet she still could not take it??? haizzz!

and she revealed that actually her hubby had not approved of her coming to work in Singapore and has demanded for her to return... Apparently his mum has sold of their house to fund him and his brothers to work in Malaysia... and the money would also be used to pay off her maid loan as well.. asked her whether he had approved when she went to the training centre and she said no... and she still proceeded??!!

the only saving grace is that she is willing to wait till i get a new maid before leaving.

to think that i thought that i had finally gotten a good maid... do they think that we are made of money to fund repeated changes in maids and having to go thru the training cycles over and over? I feel so cynical and jaded... wishing that i dun have to take a maid anymore but ... do i have much of a choice??

so back to the agency we go to choose yet another one... and hopefully the last one of the lot...

At what price?

In Singapore we are lucky that going to work generally means us having to take some form of transport and making at most a one hour journey to the place of employment. For many others, esp in our neighbouring countries, this is not so... work may mean leaving behind your family, loved ones, children to travel far beyond just to earn a measly paycheck, live in a world that is worlds apart culturally from your own and possibly even be taken advantaged off, at worst be abused.

How many of us really stopped to think abt the plight of our fellow human friends who come from afar to work in Singapore, some under the same roof as us to earn a living... Its easy to complain abt them, the difficulties we face in managing them that sometimes we forget what they had to endure to be here... sometimes they too forget what made them come here in the first place causing them to behave in ways that may be incomprehensible to most of us.

My maid shared of how they are treated in the training centres before coming here to work.. they are made to eat cabbage soup with rice daily, scolded in front of others leaving very little dignity and basically not given much rights.. she shared of how their money is taken away from them... her husband tried to get it back but to no avail.. she shared of how the money I had given my ex-maid had already been taken away by the agency, possibly not to be returned... my heart ached at that... it was money that others gave her for Hari Raya and my hard earned money meant for her children... not for the agency! They are not allowed to practise their religion at the centres, prevented from praying ... why?

There had been other stories of other training centres treating maids brutally... how much is the MOM doing to curb such abuse and to ensure that the ladies who come here are protected? How much are these centres regulated to ensure that these women's rights are upheld? I have just heard of a case of some women who were brought in to work here only to be forced into prostitution...

At what price... to work here? They came for hope of a better life for their families... to be able to send back cash to fund education, medical needs or even simply a proper roof over their heads... at what price?

To think that these injustices may be perpetuated further in the homes they work in... some are lucky to get good employers who treats them well... others.... well...

Why take on a maid who is different from you religiously if you cannot accept the religious practices of that person? Why would you want to stop the maids from going to church, pray 5 times a day or fast? Shouldn't you appreciate it that they have a belief and faith in a higher being... to me it marks the character of a person, that they have beholden themselves to a higher being and therefore more cautious of committing sins... I am more cautious of people who have no faith in God.

Why would you want maids to be deprived of food? Isn't that a contradiction to the expectations you have of the maid in the first place... ie to work... and yet you deprive the maid of the things that enable them to do proper work? Is that income of $350 so much that you have to skimp on the food they eat?

To emotionally, psychologically and physically abuse them... why? Does that make you feel that you are a better person? I know that sometimes its hard to curb your anger especially when the maid behaves in ways that truly boils your blood... hey I've been there...and I know thats the reason why I had to also let my old maid go before she truly pushes me over the edge..

At what price... to work here? to earn a simple living ...

She speaks Malaysian??

Well I sent my old maid to the agent without much funfare or fuss... she was very calm and collected I would say... perhaps already prepared for the possibility... for someone who cries so much and usually for no reason, as what she claims, she barely teared that day.. she did not even ask forgiveness from me... just said thank you at the end. well, she must be feeling relief too in getting away from me as much as I am getting away from her.

Got the new maid the next day and she shocked me the first time she opened her mouth... sounding like a Malaysian!! With her takpe, takde and all the lahs, she can easily pass off as a Malaysian instead of Indonesian. On a personal level, I like her but whether she passes the mark as a maid, remains to be seen...

So far she showed a good learning attitude and I dun feel irritated by her... yet... Even the girls seemed to have taken to her.. Sarah told her dad that she likes this bibik and does not like the previous one...

Even my hub was saying that he feels a difference with her as compared to our previous one, for whom there was a distance somewhat a barrier in our interactions... language aside... I just didn't have that level of comfort with her ... I felt that she was guarded and non-responsive.. I've told her many a times that I felt like I was talking to a wall when I talk to her.. We did not click.. Oh well.. I do wish her the best..

I was in tears!

She made me soooo proud... my shy baby girl went up on stage with a full smile on her face and did her dance!

Child Deaths

Last Saturday, my cousin called to share that her neighbour's 3 year old child had fallen off the balcony to her death... I can only imagine the pain of a mother's grief to lose a child... so suddenly at that.. this is the third of such deaths in 2 months and I wonder why parents still persist in leaving their children unsupervised.

I wondered why parents still persist in leaving their children alone at home despite all this news... I can only imagine the pain of those parents as they battled with the 'what ifs', the guilt...

The two previous deaths had both children completely alone at home. The child who recently died last weekend was left unsupervised for a few minutes as her parent went to change in the room... and she died as she fell off the balcony...wat made other parents think that their children will be safe if left for a few hours? Why do parents still do this? ... cos of the belief that nothing will happen to their child.. the "it won't happen to me/my child" syndrome..

Of late, there were other child deaths/accidents be it here or across the causeway and all of them bore similar characteristics... that children, not yet of age to ever be able to protect themselves adequately being left completely alone at home. The image of an 18 mth old child cringing with her face covered with her hands... frozen in death... is an image too hard to bear.. as she had been left alone with her 4 year old siblings and the house caught fire...

How many more of such deaths do we have to hear about?

Clingy Tasnym

These past few days has been trying... no no no, its not the maid thos that lady takes the ultimate cake of being very trying...

Its Tasnym... we noted her being extremely sensitive, clingy and just difficult to deal with these past few days... Speculation is rife that its cos of the impending baby's arrival... I think so too as she is soo clingy to me and crying at the slightest admonishments. Oh gosh and I've got like 2 months more to go... even Sarah is getting the bane of Tasnym's tantrums which are so irrational and unpredictable.. not that 2 year olds are not very high on both indices already! Yesterday, I just told Izad that I wondered how many gallons of tears Tasnym has cried out just yesterday alone... and to think that her name means water that flows!

More Maid Blues

Finally! I got to choose a replacement... This one better be better... I warned the agent that I am going to hunt him down should this one screw up too since he recommended this one so much... hmmm... why am I putting so much faith in his choice considering he recommended the present one??!!

In the meanwhile, I am still sucking my own blood and eating my own heart out with the antics of my maid... sigh...

3 days ago, cos I asked her to take out some Dettol cleaner, she nicely revealed that she had finished up my Dettol soap cos there was only a little bit left... Honestly I dun even remember having that Dettol soap but the point that I questioned was how she could use my stuff without asking my permission first! And she kept justifying by saying that there was only a little left... and that made it ok??

Soon after that, I realised that she was using my baby's towel to clean the girls's toys... oh my God!! Her excuse... she forgot... the towel is in your hands and you can forget?

2 days ago, I pointed out to her that the bathtub was dirty with black scum on the rims. Her excuse... its not scum, its the black glue that holds the bathtub to the wall.. and silly her, she tried to pull at the glue only to discover that the silicone glue is WHITE and black scum was falling off the glue...

Last night, I pointed out to her that the tiles around the sink is dirty... this time she tried to tell me that the cement grout is naturally black... I told her to get the cleaner and I cleaned the tiles in front of her to prove to her that the colour is WHITE!!

And my girls seriously reject her... no holding hands, no carrying... people are telling me that children are the best indicators that something is not quite right when they reject that person... My mum told me that the maid was heard asking the girls "You like it is it that I get scolded by nenek?" And yet again she was caught sleeping, this time squatting by the side of the back toilet.

My hubby and I believe that while in Indon, this maid was actually leading an easy tai-tai life which makes it hard for her to adjust to the rigours of work-life. To think that she blows on her hand to cool it down after she finished cutting some chillies!! Hmm.. hello!! I dun enter the kitchen that much and I am a much better cook and not so spoiled as to react to some chilli sting!!

Oh God... please help and guide me in passing through this challenge... for I do not know how much more I can take... and please God... let the next one be good...

Maid Blues

The agency just told me that I've got to wait a while more as the agency in Indonesia has just reopened after Lebaran and are now in the midst of recruiting new maids... Oh goodness me to wait for yet 2 more weeks before new biodatas come in and then another month more as they process the applications...

I wonder whether I could wait... this maid of mine is simply driving me nuts and as my hubby said, simply getting on my nerves. I dun think thst it is in anyway good for me or for her to be scolded everyday, I dun want to scold but the things she does just simply irks me... Well, when you dun like a person, everything they do just is wrong someway or other..

Now she hovers around the girls, in our presence at least, that my hubby calls her a housefly... But the thing that truly pisses me off is the hypocrisy! When my mum was praying and she was suppose to mind the girls for that 5-10 mins, Sarah slipped and hit her mouth against the floor leading to a bleeding lip... my mum said that she rushed out to find the maid sitting there just looking as Sarah got up crying. The maid did not even move as my mum tended to the girl until she was told to get a towel. Why act in front of us that you care when actually you simply don't!

The other funny thing was her allowing Sarah to draw with a magic ink all over both her arms and she did not do anything! She told me she didn't stop Sarah as she didn't want the girl to cry but Sarah told me that she just stood there and laugh as Sarah was doing it. I believe Sarah as this maid has the weird behavior of laughing at inappropriate moments.

She made such a big show the other night of bringing in a botol kueh to top it up just cause my hubby took one muruku from the bottle, even though the bottle was still so full. When I went to the main table, there were 2 other bottles that were almost completely empty! You mean you want to top up a bottle that is still full but not those that were empty?? Or is this all just a show?

As you can tell, I am royally pissed with her... it has gotten to the point where I dun even want her to touch my children... not good I know... so how am I supposed to last another 2 months of waiting for another maid???

My beautiful gals...

Aw....Aren't they just so sweet?

Lebaran 2007

Girls in their second day Lebaran outfits... Sooo pretty...

This year's lebaran had a tone of melancholy to it. I had thought that for the first time, I would not be seeing my grandparents but luckily they returned to JB in time for lebaran so I met them after all....


However, the meeting with my grandparents this time was at the hospital as my grandad was hospitalised... yet again. It has been said that his heart is functioning at only 40% of its capacity. Somehow, it may be his last lebaran yet...




Both girls really enjoyed lebaran this year as both understood it better... Sarah even said that she was fasting whenever she did not want to eat what was given to her!!


But the frustrations had also been in dealing with my new maid... cos she is driving me up the wall... she clearly lacks initiative in doing work and has been caught sleeping so many times but the more pressing issue would be her lack of concern for the girls' safety. It amazes me how she can just watch Tasnym run onto the road while she stands calmly by the side. Now that it has been addressed with her, she has gone way over the other side, hovering all the time and simply driving the girls and me nuts. Her attempts tho seems more like driven by desperation to keep the job rather than any genuine concern on her part for the girls. Funny thing is that 2 days ago, my mum caught her dead asleep on the floor snoring away when she was supposed to be supervising Sarah at play.


We have gone to the agent but unfortunately there are no available ones at present due to the festive period...


Even our ketupat didn't turn out too well... sigh...

Almost into the 7 months now...

I lost 2 kg since I fasted a whole month in Ramadan but my gynae has predicted that the weight will be back very soon. With all the food I ate during lebaran, I would not be surprised! Baby though has gained good weight and as at last week was weighing 800 gm.

My friends were saying that my stomach is very much more compact as compared to my previous pregnancies.

This is my tummy for records... hee

Tasnym has a boyfriend!!

We trooped down to the school a few weeks back for the Parent teacher meeting - Tasnym's first. I was so proud to know that Sarah was doing very well in schoola nd that she was the most advanced in her class. She was described to be a very focused person, determined to complete her tasks that the teachers had to prepare her should it be her turn to be with the teachers.

Tasnym... hmmm... was another story... highly distractable... disrupting other kids, moving from one mat to another... ha ha... why am I not surprised.

Wat was more surprising was that Tasnym has a best friend who is a boy named Adam - hee hee a boyfriend!! They would hold hands together and walk around, what was more funny was that she would dictate what he could play with each day!! Queen control!! She would also not want to queue up with all the other girls and insist on queuing with the boys. Well... sometimes she does say she is a boy.

When I told my mum, she said "No wonder, everytime Tasnym gets off the school bus, she would only say goodbye to Adam and no one else!"

Izad has been trying to 'scold' her for having a boyfriend dictating what she can and cannot do - eg. cannot hold hands with Adam etc or he would put Adam in time out!! But talking to Tasnym is like talking to a multi-channel TV, it switches channel so fast that you dun know what she is talking about or whether she even listens!

Epok-Epok Pengantin

I was surprised that I could not find the recipe for this tiny epok epok on the web anywhere and had to asked my friend once again for the recipe, having lost the old copy.

So for any of you who wants to make this tiny baby epok epok, here's the recipe:

Ingredients for the insides
200 gm dried prawns/ anchovies - washed, drained and dry blended
6 cloves of garlic
1 big red onion
1 inch ginger
1 small serai
salt to taste

1. Dry blend the garlic, onion, ginger and serai together.
2. Mix the blended items with the blended dried prawns/anchovies.
3. Fry all the items with a little oil till crispy.
4. Put aside.

Ingredients for the skin
300 gm flour
water
1/2 spoon butter

1. Mix the flour and butter.
2. Pour in the water bit by bit to form a dough.
3. Take a small ball of dough and pree it out with your fingers into a very thin piece of flattened circle. Make sure its very thin or your fried epok epok will be chewy rather than crispy.
4. Put the fried dried prawns/anchovies in a small amount in the centre and fold the circle into two. Pinch the sides into waves.
5. Fry in hot oil and voila! Baby epok epok!

Forget the expensive toys...

Lets just play with the box!!

How do you discipline your child?

I can still remember the time when my dad belted me for making my way home on my own from a grocery shopping trip at a nearby shop. Well, I couldn't find him anywhere and feeling worried that he had left me behind, I went home... not like I went wandering off other places. Sure he was worried... but did he consider why I went home alone? I was only about 9-10 then. I still resent that belting and feel it to be unjustified ... or the times when my parents had hit me with a feather duster for crying as I had not wanted to come home prefering to be with my cousins instead... is that anys urprise considering I am an only child? How much attempts did my parents even make to understand the reasons behind their young child's behavior prefering instead to hit and control? The pain has long been forgotten but the pain of having been treated unjustly still remain.

It has made me decide... along with my other training in parenting that I was not going to hit my children. No canes hanging in my home. And I have no intention of getting one... not even as a means of a threat. Yes, I had the urge to hit my daughters occasionally ...when they get on my nerves... come on it happens to the best of us... but I had restrained myself, at the very most I flicked my fingers on their arms. Even then I felt soooo guilty afterwards and still feel guilty abt it today.

I had a very interesting conversation with some of my colleagues yesterday, all 4 mothers of sons and all having canes hanging somewhere in the house... whether utilised or hanging there as a threat. It is so interesting to me how one of them especially advocated caning as effective and something that she would advocate for children below 7 but sparingly and only with good reason. She even had a special cane that would not leave marks, apparently it is out of stock in the markets already, possibly from all her advertising!!


I thought it was interesting how the older generation often lament about the children of today - how different they are, how protected... that even a cane mark could lead the parents to jail... and how all this are making the children of today simply spoilt and out of control. But one thing, they have completely forgotten is how different the society of today is and what the world is today is worlds apart from the world of yesterday. The media, internet, technology all makes the world and therefore the children highly different. It is too simplistic to say that cos the canes are no longer used that the children are becoming uncontrollable ... there is a whole lot of other confounds to the issue. I would say instead that because the world today is so different that new differnt methods of child maangement has to be employed cos the children are different and not the lack of caning that are making the children different.

The difficulty though is that many of the adults my age now had gone thru a childhood where they were caned and where they had not known any other methods of parenting... and they saw this as not having caused any harm to them ... therefore questions the necessity for change... forgetting instead that since the world has changed, the children have changed and therefore the methods must change.

It was with Tasnym that I truly realise how ineffective these methods were as she would just model us and turn around to flick us back after she is done crying and wailing. And we got worried that she would start hitting others in the same way. So time out is the way to go and it has been very effective. Definitely no canes for us!!

Funneee Conversations

Conversation 1

Papa: Sarah, first you must go kindergarten, then you go Primary School. After that you go to Secondary school, and then JC/Polytechnic and after that you go to the University.

Sarah : Papa, I dun want to go to so many schools, wait I'll be tired. (ha ha)


Conversation 2

Tasnym : Mama, Sarah must go time out, you carry the legs I carry her hands!!!

Roti Prata

Preparations for Hari Raya

Trotted over to the Kakak's house in front wanting to send over the cloth to make into an outfit for Hari Raya... Unfortunately, she had closed shop and was not willing to take in any more orders for Hari Raya... sigh... i had waited too long and now I've got nothing to wear this Hari Raya! I waited cos I didn't want the outfit to be made too soon, in case it would not fit around the tummy... Oh well... We'll probably have to go search for something in Angsana at JB where we normally buy our clothes.

Got some punjabi suits for both girls from India (via a colleague) and they looked soooo cute!! I somehow think that mine is not really gonna be able to fit me... around the tummy.

This year, I've decided to be a bit more ambitious and make some kuih... more than the usual I made previous years. Macaroons, choc chip cookies, kuih siput, epok-epok pengantin, honey cornflakes, choc cornflakes... hee hee.. I've gotten all the recipes ready and engaged help from some cousins to join forces... my friends are already laughing at my over-ambitiousness... taste it first then you will know hah!

Anyways, I am fasting to the puzzlement of my Chinese colleagues who would interview me long and hard why I was doing so considering that I am pregnant. Well, I am healthy and so is the baby.. alhamdullilah... and the doc gave the green go ahead so here I am on the 5th day (wow, its almost a week already..) fasting away. Not too bad though there have been some grumblings in the tummy occasionally... and funny thing is I don't eat much during buka... So I am sure I'll lose some of that weight I gained the last month alone... told the doc I was storing away in time for Ramadan.. ha ha

The waking ups in the middle of the night, however, is taking its toll... to pee, carry Tasnym, sahur... I've got dark circles under my eyes and it dun look good... definitely not matching the red puffy swollen lips... sigh I dun look good... I had to take some photos to renew my passport and I look so bloated!

Happy Birthday Sarah!

It was Sarah's 4rth birthday and she was so excited shouting about it being her birthday early in the morning. As it was the fasting month, we had a jamuan berbuka puasa cum birthday party for her.

She made some resolutions on not sucking her thumb, sleeping in her own bed and not wearing pampers to sleep when she reaches 4 years old but by the time the day comes all these resolutions has been pushed to her 6th birthday!!

Just cos Uncle Hisyam had gotten her to help bake some brownies the day before, she insisted that she should be baking her own b'day cake, complete with a princess picture on top... she even threw a fit when she found out that I had bought a cake!! So off we went to the supermarket to buy a box of ready brownie mix - sorry but mama's culinary skills is not that fantastic... and got home in time for her to bake her cake... after dropping one egg on the floor and stirring the mixture about 5 rounds in total... ie mama had to do the rest of the work. When the cake was finally ready, she declared that it tasted bad, spitted it out and even wiped her tounge on the back of her hand... Please lah it was not a bad cake at all and actually tasted quite good...

A conversation she had with me yesterday:
Sarah: Mama, where is Tasnym (when she saw that Tasnym was not at home)? Is she lost? If she is lost, then how, I won't have a sister anymore... Nevermind lah... then I can get a brother!

Hmmm... well sorry Sarah... you are going to get another sister as the doctor had confirmed that last week : )

My mouth is stinging...

Really am not sure whether it is related to the pregnancy as it first started in Mar 07 but I've been having an allergic reaction around my lips. It started off being very itchy and the skin becomes dry... now it has worsened with a bad stinging sensation ... I dunno which is worse, the stinging sensation or the itch...

Some days, my lips could compete against Eddie Murphy's.. as it swells up

Creams did not work and now, I'm applying steroids at a doctor's prescription... the swelling has gone down considerably... but the itch and sometimes the sting is still there...

Doc says that it is an allergy but the problem is that I have no idea what I am allergic too...