Almost into the 7 months now...

I lost 2 kg since I fasted a whole month in Ramadan but my gynae has predicted that the weight will be back very soon. With all the food I ate during lebaran, I would not be surprised! Baby though has gained good weight and as at last week was weighing 800 gm.

My friends were saying that my stomach is very much more compact as compared to my previous pregnancies.

This is my tummy for records... hee

Tasnym has a boyfriend!!

We trooped down to the school a few weeks back for the Parent teacher meeting - Tasnym's first. I was so proud to know that Sarah was doing very well in schoola nd that she was the most advanced in her class. She was described to be a very focused person, determined to complete her tasks that the teachers had to prepare her should it be her turn to be with the teachers.

Tasnym... hmmm... was another story... highly distractable... disrupting other kids, moving from one mat to another... ha ha... why am I not surprised.

Wat was more surprising was that Tasnym has a best friend who is a boy named Adam - hee hee a boyfriend!! They would hold hands together and walk around, what was more funny was that she would dictate what he could play with each day!! Queen control!! She would also not want to queue up with all the other girls and insist on queuing with the boys. Well... sometimes she does say she is a boy.

When I told my mum, she said "No wonder, everytime Tasnym gets off the school bus, she would only say goodbye to Adam and no one else!"

Izad has been trying to 'scold' her for having a boyfriend dictating what she can and cannot do - eg. cannot hold hands with Adam etc or he would put Adam in time out!! But talking to Tasnym is like talking to a multi-channel TV, it switches channel so fast that you dun know what she is talking about or whether she even listens!

Epok-Epok Pengantin

I was surprised that I could not find the recipe for this tiny epok epok on the web anywhere and had to asked my friend once again for the recipe, having lost the old copy.

So for any of you who wants to make this tiny baby epok epok, here's the recipe:

Ingredients for the insides
200 gm dried prawns/ anchovies - washed, drained and dry blended
6 cloves of garlic
1 big red onion
1 inch ginger
1 small serai
salt to taste

1. Dry blend the garlic, onion, ginger and serai together.
2. Mix the blended items with the blended dried prawns/anchovies.
3. Fry all the items with a little oil till crispy.
4. Put aside.

Ingredients for the skin
300 gm flour
water
1/2 spoon butter

1. Mix the flour and butter.
2. Pour in the water bit by bit to form a dough.
3. Take a small ball of dough and pree it out with your fingers into a very thin piece of flattened circle. Make sure its very thin or your fried epok epok will be chewy rather than crispy.
4. Put the fried dried prawns/anchovies in a small amount in the centre and fold the circle into two. Pinch the sides into waves.
5. Fry in hot oil and voila! Baby epok epok!

Forget the expensive toys...

Lets just play with the box!!

How do you discipline your child?

I can still remember the time when my dad belted me for making my way home on my own from a grocery shopping trip at a nearby shop. Well, I couldn't find him anywhere and feeling worried that he had left me behind, I went home... not like I went wandering off other places. Sure he was worried... but did he consider why I went home alone? I was only about 9-10 then. I still resent that belting and feel it to be unjustified ... or the times when my parents had hit me with a feather duster for crying as I had not wanted to come home prefering to be with my cousins instead... is that anys urprise considering I am an only child? How much attempts did my parents even make to understand the reasons behind their young child's behavior prefering instead to hit and control? The pain has long been forgotten but the pain of having been treated unjustly still remain.

It has made me decide... along with my other training in parenting that I was not going to hit my children. No canes hanging in my home. And I have no intention of getting one... not even as a means of a threat. Yes, I had the urge to hit my daughters occasionally ...when they get on my nerves... come on it happens to the best of us... but I had restrained myself, at the very most I flicked my fingers on their arms. Even then I felt soooo guilty afterwards and still feel guilty abt it today.

I had a very interesting conversation with some of my colleagues yesterday, all 4 mothers of sons and all having canes hanging somewhere in the house... whether utilised or hanging there as a threat. It is so interesting to me how one of them especially advocated caning as effective and something that she would advocate for children below 7 but sparingly and only with good reason. She even had a special cane that would not leave marks, apparently it is out of stock in the markets already, possibly from all her advertising!!


I thought it was interesting how the older generation often lament about the children of today - how different they are, how protected... that even a cane mark could lead the parents to jail... and how all this are making the children of today simply spoilt and out of control. But one thing, they have completely forgotten is how different the society of today is and what the world is today is worlds apart from the world of yesterday. The media, internet, technology all makes the world and therefore the children highly different. It is too simplistic to say that cos the canes are no longer used that the children are becoming uncontrollable ... there is a whole lot of other confounds to the issue. I would say instead that because the world today is so different that new differnt methods of child maangement has to be employed cos the children are different and not the lack of caning that are making the children different.

The difficulty though is that many of the adults my age now had gone thru a childhood where they were caned and where they had not known any other methods of parenting... and they saw this as not having caused any harm to them ... therefore questions the necessity for change... forgetting instead that since the world has changed, the children have changed and therefore the methods must change.

It was with Tasnym that I truly realise how ineffective these methods were as she would just model us and turn around to flick us back after she is done crying and wailing. And we got worried that she would start hitting others in the same way. So time out is the way to go and it has been very effective. Definitely no canes for us!!

Funneee Conversations

Conversation 1

Papa: Sarah, first you must go kindergarten, then you go Primary School. After that you go to Secondary school, and then JC/Polytechnic and after that you go to the University.

Sarah : Papa, I dun want to go to so many schools, wait I'll be tired. (ha ha)


Conversation 2

Tasnym : Mama, Sarah must go time out, you carry the legs I carry her hands!!!

Roti Prata

Preparations for Hari Raya

Trotted over to the Kakak's house in front wanting to send over the cloth to make into an outfit for Hari Raya... Unfortunately, she had closed shop and was not willing to take in any more orders for Hari Raya... sigh... i had waited too long and now I've got nothing to wear this Hari Raya! I waited cos I didn't want the outfit to be made too soon, in case it would not fit around the tummy... Oh well... We'll probably have to go search for something in Angsana at JB where we normally buy our clothes.

Got some punjabi suits for both girls from India (via a colleague) and they looked soooo cute!! I somehow think that mine is not really gonna be able to fit me... around the tummy.

This year, I've decided to be a bit more ambitious and make some kuih... more than the usual I made previous years. Macaroons, choc chip cookies, kuih siput, epok-epok pengantin, honey cornflakes, choc cornflakes... hee hee.. I've gotten all the recipes ready and engaged help from some cousins to join forces... my friends are already laughing at my over-ambitiousness... taste it first then you will know hah!

Anyways, I am fasting to the puzzlement of my Chinese colleagues who would interview me long and hard why I was doing so considering that I am pregnant. Well, I am healthy and so is the baby.. alhamdullilah... and the doc gave the green go ahead so here I am on the 5th day (wow, its almost a week already..) fasting away. Not too bad though there have been some grumblings in the tummy occasionally... and funny thing is I don't eat much during buka... So I am sure I'll lose some of that weight I gained the last month alone... told the doc I was storing away in time for Ramadan.. ha ha

The waking ups in the middle of the night, however, is taking its toll... to pee, carry Tasnym, sahur... I've got dark circles under my eyes and it dun look good... definitely not matching the red puffy swollen lips... sigh I dun look good... I had to take some photos to renew my passport and I look so bloated!

Happy Birthday Sarah!

It was Sarah's 4rth birthday and she was so excited shouting about it being her birthday early in the morning. As it was the fasting month, we had a jamuan berbuka puasa cum birthday party for her.

She made some resolutions on not sucking her thumb, sleeping in her own bed and not wearing pampers to sleep when she reaches 4 years old but by the time the day comes all these resolutions has been pushed to her 6th birthday!!

Just cos Uncle Hisyam had gotten her to help bake some brownies the day before, she insisted that she should be baking her own b'day cake, complete with a princess picture on top... she even threw a fit when she found out that I had bought a cake!! So off we went to the supermarket to buy a box of ready brownie mix - sorry but mama's culinary skills is not that fantastic... and got home in time for her to bake her cake... after dropping one egg on the floor and stirring the mixture about 5 rounds in total... ie mama had to do the rest of the work. When the cake was finally ready, she declared that it tasted bad, spitted it out and even wiped her tounge on the back of her hand... Please lah it was not a bad cake at all and actually tasted quite good...

A conversation she had with me yesterday:
Sarah: Mama, where is Tasnym (when she saw that Tasnym was not at home)? Is she lost? If she is lost, then how, I won't have a sister anymore... Nevermind lah... then I can get a brother!

Hmmm... well sorry Sarah... you are going to get another sister as the doctor had confirmed that last week : )

My mouth is stinging...

Really am not sure whether it is related to the pregnancy as it first started in Mar 07 but I've been having an allergic reaction around my lips. It started off being very itchy and the skin becomes dry... now it has worsened with a bad stinging sensation ... I dunno which is worse, the stinging sensation or the itch...

Some days, my lips could compete against Eddie Murphy's.. as it swells up

Creams did not work and now, I'm applying steroids at a doctor's prescription... the swelling has gone down considerably... but the itch and sometimes the sting is still there...

Doc says that it is an allergy but the problem is that I have no idea what I am allergic too...

At least I have feet...

I was feeling so down last weekend as I went in search for the perfect shoes for my not so perfect, extremely big feet... For those who don't already know, I have big feet... I used o be at size 8 and I have always assured myself that at my full-grown adult age, it would not grow anymore...

To my horror, it DID!! when I got pregnant.. some assured me that the size would go down again after I give birth... NO IT DID NOT!! It remained the same... after the pregancy with Sarah, it went up to size 9 and after the pregancy with Tasnym, it went up to 10. How do I deal with going up to 11 after my present pregnancy?? It was already hard enough to find shoes in size 9 or 10, what about 11? Thoughts of binding my feet have crossed my mind.... MANY TIMES!!

Shopping for shoes used to be a pet activity.. I have now stopped even bothering to enter into a shoe shop unless I had known already that they carried large sizes. I could not take the condescending or shocked looks or the sales staff when I asked them for the large sizes, they will then look at my feet, to stare at the montrosity and ask, your feet so big ah? One sales person I met recently started taking out shoes in size 10 as his shop had large sizes without asking me my style of preference. When I told him, I didn't like the designs he took out, he said "Well if you don't like the designs then defficult lah..." Uh you mean just because I have big feet, I have to settle for ugly shoes?

Last weekend, one salesman said in shock "Hah? Size 10? No we dun have," alamak even the other people in the shop heard and looked! Hmm... excuse me, Ian Thorpe has large feet and he has attributed his illustrious swimming career to his feet while you are just a small time sales person in a tiny unknown shoe shop!!

Don't they realise how terrible I was already feeling going from shop to shop to be met with disappointment or when I tried on shoe after shoe, not even being able to squeeze my foot halfway into the shoe. I kept being reminded of how Cinderella' stepsister tried to squeeze her feet into the glass slipper... sob... I am not mean like that stepsister you know...

When I was younger, relatives were very mean and often made fun of my feet. I remembered how my parents would talk negatively about it and how difficult it was to find shoes for me. I remembered distinctly how cousins would make fun and said that I would end up looking like Ronald MacDonalds with my huge feet sticking out or how my grandmother said how my shoes can be turned into a sampan!

Even I am amazed at how resilient I had been to deal with all these and my response was "I am grateful that I have feet as compared to those who does not" I still feel that way... and it has taught me not to make fun of those who have imperfections. But please feet, dun grow to size 11... I'll have to walk barefoot if you do!

Stop Calling ME!!

Don't you hate those pesky calls from the banks asking you to sign up for a new card, a new overdraft etc etc etc! Or worse, those that come from other slimming agencies and the sort trying to get you to sign up for some package or other... Here's several ideas I have that either I've used or planned to use whenever I receive such calls: 1) The easiest one, "I'm not interested, thank you. Bye!" and hang up. But if you do have time on your hands... 2) "Are you asking me to get into further debts? I already have enough debts, thank you." then lament on how much debts you have and how you have been having so much difficulty paying them all up... and how your baby didn't have enough to eat last month as you had to pay off all your debts... you get the gist... 3) "Are you teaching me to go into debts?" and go into indepth debate on the dangers of owning a card ... or of going into a debt... and how such methods by the bank to entice the young to have a card does not help the young in learning how to save... 4) "Before you begin, could you please send me a cheque for this phone call you are making to me right now, cos I'm not paying for this phone charge. Are you accepting the charge? Cos if you are not, do hang up now." 5) For those beauty agencies "Are you trying to say I'm ugly/fat etc? Are you trying to insult me? I won the Ms ** title in my school you know!" and then burst out into loud tears.... These are definitely no fail measures... try them ...he he... I'm sure word will get around and they'll stop calling you. Come on, if I really need their service they don't have to call me, I'll call them. For all those telemarketers, I know you are just trying to earn a living but you guys sure know how to call at all the wrong times!!

Hong Kong 2007

Everything was just wet, wet, wet

It wasn't a good trip by anyone's standards, what with being caught in the rain 95% of the time and being evacuated out of Disneyland due to the incoming typhoon... Luckily, we managed to catch a very good Disney show before the park closed but didn't get to go on any of the rides.

Captain Jack Sparrow showing off his pirated rings!!

Tasnym surprised me with her show of fear of the Disney characters, refusing absolutely to take photos with them... She ran in fright at the hotel when Goofy went up to shake her hand. She insisted that this was not the same Goofy that she sees on the Disney channel!!

But we did get some pretty good buys. Despite all the rain, despite having to don raincoats as we walked around. AND despite the bad back pains and that by night, I could barely walk!! The shopper in me persisted!! We only had a brief respite from the rain when we went to the Ladies Market one night...

The funny thing was that we didn't understand what the cyclone warning no 8 meant and had to ask the Disney Park staff what it meant and what we should do as a result. He had a puzzled look on his face while explaining, probably wondering which planet we came from!!

When we were in Kowloon, we wondered why all the shops were closed as it was only drizzling and there were no hurricane in action. No night markets too and we hoped against hope that the shops would open later in the night but no hope there as the shops remained closed. It was only when we watched the news that we realised how serious the situation was and that all the offices were also evacuated...

Tasnym was a terror on the plane, refusing to be seated and belted. The steward kept reprimanding me for not keeping her belted.... yah easy for him to say... being so non-child focused, he even tried to talk to her like she was an adult to tell her that she needs to be seated and belted....

At meal time, she went from one passenger to another and shouted "Apple Sauce!" "Chilli Sauce!" Next time, Tasnym stays home and no way am I going to take a plane ride that is above 3 hours with her until she grows older and wiser!

So proud of her!!

We were so proud of Sarah. She had been hankering to ride a horse and bugging us for the upteenth time... so that weekend we decided to go to Gallop Stables. My hubby was skeptical asking "Are you sure?" thinking for certain that Sarah would back out and not proceed.


She certainly surprised us as the more she saw the horses at the stables, the more she was certain that she wanted to ride the horse and proceeded to pay for the ticket and put on the helmet. She bravely stepped up the small stairs to get on the horse. Her face was practically frozen...


She did cry... halfway through the ride but what matters most was her willingness to step up to a new experience and take up the challenge. That's my girl!!


In tears by the end of the ride...

Tasnym's cute, Sarah's pretty

We have always been irritated when people would stop to comment on how cute Tasnym was with her curls and cuxie face... not that we are saying she is not cute cos she really is but we are irritated by the insensitivity of some whgo simply overlook that Sarah is standing by just watching the exchange and being completely ignored. Some who are more sensitive would then turn to Sarah and commen on how pretty she was but you could feel that it was not really genuine.... well at least they made the effort.

We worried that Sarah's self esteem would be impacted by this and were concerned that she would grow up in her sister's shadow tho I know that right now she does not mind it much considering how shy she is. We wondered tho what it was doing to her self esteem until we came to this conversation she had with her papa while out shopping one day...

Sarah: Papa, Tasnym is so cute right? She is sooo cute!!
Papa (very carefully): Yes Tasnym is cute. Sarah is cute too.
Sarah: No Papa, Tasnym is cute. Sarah is pretty!

Well no problems with her self esteem there!!

No Matter What

2 weeks ago, I went for a scan and the doctor happily declared that the baby was to be a girl. My hubby said that my face changed at the announcement. But actually the change was not cause of the announcement but more cos I was puzzling how she could tell it was a girl considering that all I could see on the screen was the head and two legs sticking out... you mean I should be able to see a third "leg" in the middle if it was a boy??

So as you can tell, I am not all too convinced... and Sarah was quick to refute it later... "Don't tell me its a girl, its a BOY!!

I could not imagine what those mothers in India and China must be thinking and feeling when there is so much pressure for them to have boys that they have to kill their baby girls, either in pregnancy or at birth...

Anyway, for me it does not really matter... as much as I may hope for a boy, if God so decides that it is to be a girl, there must be a reason for his decision....the girl will be received with great welcome and open arms, with LOVE no matter what...

Racial Harmony Day

My two little beauties on Racial Harmony Day...

Little Vietcong? Carry gun somemore!!

Baby's Sleeping Arrangement

I have been trying to work out a new sleeping arrangement with the girls for when the baby comes. These were their responses:

Sarah's Version
Mama: Tasnym, can baby sleep in your bed?
Tasnym: No! That's mine
Sarah: Mama, baby can sleep in my bed.
Mama: Oh that's nice, then where do you sleep?
Sarah: I sleep in the middle! (ie in between the parents and she said this with such glee!)

Tasnym's Version
Mama: Tasnym, can baby sleep in your bed?
Tasnym: No! That's mine!
Mama: OKlah, you sleep in your bed, kakak sleep in her bed, then baby would sleep with Mama
Tasnym (panicking): No! Mama, baby can sleep in my bed.
Mama: Then where do you sleep if baby sleeps in your bed?
Tasnym: I sleep with Mama.

Talk about being possessive!!

Not Adik... Tasnym!

I remember when Sarah used to call herself Sasha and then decided overnight that it was no longer Sasha but Sarah. We wondered how it would be with Tasnym... was she gonna call herself Tasha? It never got around to that as we have been calling her adik for so long, even when she was still in the womb that the name somehow got stuck.

When you ask her, What's your name? Her response? Aaaadik or better yet Adik Ariesha!!

So when she started school, we started on a mission of teaching her to say Tasnym... to no avail... it was still Adik Ariesha...

Two weeks later after the start of school... "No Mama, not adik... Tasnym" she suddely does not want to be called Adik anymore... Waah... my baby is growing up!! And I miss Sasha too...

Princess and Mickey

Sarah told me that she now wants to be a Princess when she grows up. Tasnym wants to be Mickey Mouse. So this National Day holiday, we would be travelling to Disney HK to fulfill both their childhood ambitions ... ha ha...

Heard though that the weather is gonna be super hot there then...

Second Trimester

Its the 12th week already so come on... why is the nausea not easing up???!! Came to work today feeling sooo sick that I had to lie under my table to catch a doze.... the advantage of having a high wall cubicle...

I thot things were getting better esp since last week, the nausea eased up quite considerably ....or is it cause I was home last week? ... hmmm nausea at work....
work = nausea??

Am so tempted to go home right now... I've already thrown up twice this morning itself...

Mama, you can go now

Today, Tasnym was resistant to go into her class and I had to accompany her. She was clinging on, sitting on my lap and not even wanting to go with Sarah. But after a while... I think she had warmed up a little to being in school, she turned to me and said:

Tasnym: "Mama, you can go to work, I stay here with Kakak. Bye Mama Bye!"

Mama : "Hmmm... oh ok... bye Tasnym"

Kena halau seh...

My babies are growing up!

Waaah... I felt like crying today when I left Tasnym in school. She looked like she was about to cry and refused to walk into the school and called for me softly. I had to tell her to go in to look for her kakak before she turned away. Later peeped into the windows to see her in Sarah's class and hugging Sarah... I think she'll be fine ... but ... my babies are growing up! Waaaaahh..

Tasnym's First Day

Its Tasnym first days in nursery at Hanis Montessori together with Sarah. As predicted Tasnym did not cry, it was Sarah who had separation anxiety although I was sitting full view in front of her. I ended up sitting straddled between two classes entertaining both girls at either side. By the end of the morning though, Tasnym was all happy to be sitting on her own doing her own stuff with the teacher. Sarah still needed assurance that I would be around... Oh well..

Tasnym keeps running over to Sarah's class and refusing to go to her own class. She screamed when I carried her off. I think her teachers will have a problem... She does things according to what she wants. So when others sat in a circle singing songs, she was in the middle spinning round and round on her own. Or in the middle of Sarah's class sliding around on her tummy!!

Well... can't wait for the next Parent-teacher meeting!

Go to Hell Smokers!

I really can't stand people who smoke. I find them inconsiderate ans extremely selfish. They only think about their own personal enjoyment and not of others' discomfort. It is personal choice to smoke and they can continue to do so, suffer from lung cancer and die if they really wish to. But I can't stand it when they wish to pass on that death wish to others who have no wish or want to breathe horrible smelling smoke that reeks of serious poison!! Worse yet when pregant ladies or children are around. They dun care whether there is a no-smoking sign stuck right in front of their nose.

If they want to smoke in public so much, why don't they just swallow all the smoke, why breathe it out? Then they can have the total satisfaction of receiving the full effects of the nicotine and all accompanying poisons. Why be so gracious and generous in wanting to share the smoke with others. Or better yet, why not just stand in the middle of the road, put a hose attached to the back exhaust of a Malaysian bus and just take a deep breath... I assure you, the effects are the same and maybe you'll get a better high! Or maybe, you'll get knocked down by other vehicles so you get your wish to die much earlier...

Since people who smoke often say they do it cos of stress, well get a bigger dose of poison from the bus and it will eliminate all your problems away...

They smoke at public functions, in front of babies, in front of pregnant wives, don't these smokers have any sense at all? You mean they dun even love their wives and unborn child that they willingly continue to puff away despite knowing full well the possible impacts. Dun tell me they are so ignorant!!

Its gonna be earlier, YEAH!!

We went to the gynae yesterday and were surprised to be told that actually the baby is already 9 weeks and not 7 weeks, as we had previously thought. This was noted in the scan that the baby is actually much bigger. Well, I'm happy to know that my morning sickness misery is gonna be cut down by two weeks ha ha.

We finally gave in and as Zuraidah would put it, has put up the white flag and proceeded to employ a new maid. Wat to do... we really cannot stand the sight of our home right now and neither has the energy to actually clean up cos its gets too frustrating to see it messed up so soon after. The pile of unfolded clothes is ominously growing bigger and one day we would need to use picks and axes to climb it!!

I'm just praying for the best and really hope that the same problems encountered before will not repeat itself.

Boy or Girl

People around are already asking whether I'm carrying a boy or girl.... its too soon to see duh...

My hubby wants yet another girl as he wants to make a trio of Charlie's Angels. I want a boy. No reason, just felt that it would complete the equation somehow and wanted the experience of caring for a boy. Hubby asked how I would feel if it was a girl. My reply? Of course, I would accept it cos be it boy or girl, it is still a gift from God that I am extremely grateful for. So many people around are having so much problems conceiving and even maintaining a child in the womb.

But for now, please GOD can it please be a boy? Thank you

My Lil Models

Modelling at OUB Centre

Now I know my A B C

Parent teacher meeting

Went to Sarah's PT meeting yesterday and to no surprise we learnt that she still maintained her "I will learn when I decide to" attitude ie she would only respond to her teachers when she feels like it making it hard for them to assess her. She would even demonstrate her knowledge to her teachers at her own leisure and not at the time when they wanted her to... hmmm... a person with control issues!!

What does surprise us is the information that she is very popular in class such that the other kids would want to sit beside her and be her friend... this for someone who is so shy and quiet. I think its also cos she mothers them and is a big sister to the rest. She would assure them and help them with things. Awww... So cute!! I feel so proud of her when the teachers shared that with us.

Driving me CRAZY!!

Sarah has been driving me crazy with her inane excuses so that she does not have to clean up her toys. It can range from I'm sleepy, I'm itchy to the more absurd, "My hand too short and cannot reach!!" Excuse me, the piece of paper is on the floor and she is standing beside it!!

She goes into an emotional overdrive acting as if I had just abused her by asking her to clean up. She would want a hug, say she wants her father, ask me or her sister for help to clean - all these amidst loud wailing and non-stop tears flowing down her cheeks.

Goodness, it is more stressful to ask her to clean up than it is to just do it myself.

Times like this, I am craving for a maid...

We need to OPEN UP!!

I was chatting with a close friend yesterday and casually asked her how she had made Christianity her religion. She was not a born Christian and her answer got me thinking. She stated that it was her friends in Secondary school who had taught her about the religion and she was influenced to be part of that religion.

That response set me to asking how many of our Muslim convert friends had done so because they had been convinced of its beauty by other friends when they were teenagers. Many whom I know did so cos of marriage and a portion of that does not even really believe in the religion, half holding on to their own belief systems.

The other thing I was wondering is how many of our teenage friends were so strong in their beliefs in Islam that they wanted to spread the word and get others to see the beauty of the religion. Uhm.. I didn't know of any... not when I was in school. Well we were all practising Muslims but I supposed the spirit of wanting to share the religion with others was not there. At most, we would just correct misconceptions that our fellow classmates may have of Islam. Even the concept of halal and non-halal food can already create rifts between us and our non-Muslim friends. I remembered how at a class barbeque, the halal chicken was ostracised to the floor to be separated from the non-halal chicken as the non Muslim friends feared that we had prayed to the chicken!!

I think that the other problem was also the tendency for many of my Muslim schoolmates to stick to themselves. In my University days, I felt strongly the non-acceptance by my Muslim coursemates. I was not part of the tudung group and neither was I part of the wild-group. I was not wearing the tudung then and somehow those who do didn't seem to want to welcome me into the group and I was a fellow Muslim. If I who was a Muslim was already feeling so ostracised by this group, what more others who were non-Muslim? They somehow created an aura of untouchability around them and I knew many non-muslims viewed them with a certain wariness and had been asked many a times "Why do they dress like that?" and mind you sometimes it was not with a tone of curiosity. Their style of clothing also didn't help sometimes especially when they wore drab colours and walked with their head down, towards classes and out, mixing only with their own kind.

This stood out in stark contrast to Christian friends who somehow went around befriending others wanting to "spread the message of love" as they would put it, not that I liked it when they came on too strongly but it does allow for greater understanding by ithers on the religion.

I think all these somehow added up to Islam being viewed with a certain mysticism. People don't understand the religion cos the people practising it does not try to make sure that others understand it but instead create barriers from allowing others into their team. I do think we need to open up more. As much as we may not be out to convert others but to help others understand the religion much better and open up ourselves as religion for people to admire rather than loath and view with cynicism. This must all start from the schools level.

Snap Snap

I am sooo irritable that I am snapping at almost everybody, my officers included. They must be wondering what is wrong with me considering that I am usually very genial. Even the guy walking across the road got it.

Izad is definitely not spared with me nagging about everything under the sky. The unwashed milk bottles, the bottle covers on the dresser...

I think we have to get a maid again. I don't think I can cope with the current state of our home being the way it is. Maybe not so soon but later on when I am in my third trimester possibly.

I told Izad that this would be the last pregnancy. I know that I told him the same thing the last round but I think this time I'm certain. I don't think my body can put up with another pregnancy. I am really feeling the strains of this one.

Two lines in a Little Window

i peered at the little window and didn't have to wait at all as two lines appeared almost instantly. ok, that confirms what i suspected was true since the beginning of the month. i had mixed feelings. I was happy but it blended with anxiety - am i ready, would i be able to cope, would tasnym be able to accept it?



sarah was happy and has happily accepted that she was going to have a baby brother named rayyan, not that we know its a boy yet, he he... but this was a conversation i had with her out of the blue a few days back that kind of threw me off:

Sarah: Mama, baby Rayyan's house is out there (pointing out of the window)

Mama: Where?

Sarah: Out there, his house is far away (again pointing out of the window)

Mama: When is he coming?

Sarah: Not today but he is coming someday, another day. He is sleeping now cos its night time.

Mama: What does he look like?

Sarah: He's small.

the active imagination of a young child? i really dunno...

for now, i'm just battling nausea, vomitting and extreme fatigue, oh god counting down the days to when the first trimester is over and i can enjoy the pregnancy a bit more. how is it that others are so lucky not to have morning sickness and i end up having all day sickness!! and my back is aching already while no masseuse would touch me... how many more days till the end of the trimester?? sigh...

Bad Parkers

You know who they are, the ones who park so close to the line or ones who park slanted that you can hardly open your doors. Don't tell me the drivers absolutely had no idea that they had caused such an inconvenience to others.

Luckily I'm still slim enough though I have to, many a times, hold my tummy deeply in to enter into the car. Bt things get bad when the girls are with me. How do you even put a child into their car seat and buckle them in when you can only the door open by about an inch??? And its not like I can tell my daughters to wait a while as I drive forward first to give me more space, I can only hold my frustrations inside. There were so many times when I really felt like writing a note and placing it on their windshield telling them how inconsiderate they had been. But sigh I'm too lazy...or simply had no paper and pen ready (excuses I know)

The other grouse I have about parking is when I have to do it at the multi storey carpark and am with the 2 girls. Can you imagine me struggling with 2 girls plus the multitude of bags, trapsing down 3 levels of the multi-storey carpark? What luck if either girls are sleeping... luckily has yet to encounter when both goes to sleep... I'll probably just stay in the car and wait for hubby to come.

Previously, I just parked by the block and so receive parking summons for illegal parking. Wrote letter of appeal and demanded for a solution to the problem. Well, I got the summon waived but absolutely no response in terms of a solution, HDB probably don't know how to solve their lack of proper planning when they first came up with the idea of multi storey carparks. Some multi storey carparks go up very high and there is no lift. How does that deal with people who are elderly, feeling sick or carrying lots of children and groceries? I was thinking that perhaps one option is to provide allowance for some people to park at the handicapped parking especially if they are elderly but realised how this can be easily subjected to abuse.

Best solution? Fit all multi storey carparks with a lift and it can be hydraulic (if I'm using the right term) so that they use less electricity.

Admirers abound

It fascinates me as to how boys, small ones, gets attracted to Tasnym, likes bees to a flower. We'll be out shopping and they'll come from wherever they are, just to stand in front of her and stare. Not that she would care, if they are in her way, she'll just push them away.

There is also a boy in her class who simply is attracted to herand would either try to come near her every opportunity he gets or copies whatever it is she is doing. That irritated her so much that she started throwing a tantrum which led her to being asked to leave the classroom as she was disrupting the rest!!

Oh boy....I wonder what another 10 years would bring along?

What I wanna be... what I wanna be

Sarah: Mama, when I grow up, I want to become a doctor.
Mama: Oh, that's good, Tasnym, what would you like to be?
Tasnym: Marney (Barney)
Sarah: Mama, she wants to be Barney but she does not have a tail right? When she grows up, then her tail would come out! Ha ha ha ha (Sarah's attempt at making a joke!)

Isn't it interesting how parents would get so happy when their children wants to be a doctor. Its hard work, they work on terribly long shifts, and the pay is not exactly that great considering the sacrifice... why is it that parents not encourage their children to be the prime minister, heh they earn millions in a year!!

Or a banker? Why must it be doctors, lawyers and teachers?

I remember once when I asked a child I was working with what his ambition was as a way to encourage him to go to school... his reply - to work in Mac Donalds!! Well that shut me up... you definitely dun need to go school to be that!

Happy Birthday!

Its Tasnym's second birthday today ... but unfortunately she has mild HFMD which reduces our options for a celebration. Luckily, we've had 2 birthday parties for her already...

Happy Birthday!

HFMD 2

Well its confirmed... Sarah has HFMD with ulcers in the mouth.. but she is doing fine and has no fever...

Tasnym has started developing symptoms too with pimples on her buttocks... hopefully hers would be mild too like Sarah...

Apparently, Zuraidah's daughter and Lin's daughter also has HFMD so chances are they caught it from each other at the cousins party last weekend... not sure though who was the index case...

Hand Foot Mouth Disease

Yesterday, Sarah came up to me and said that her hand was all pink. I looked at it thinking that she had done something to her hands and to my horror realised that it was covered with pink small pimples... Checked her mouth... no lesions/ulcers and went to the web to see a photo of the exact same pimples... HFMD

Called Izad numerous times as he had gone to washe the car and received no answer. I carried Tasnym who was being so cranky and dragged Sarah down to look for her Papa... no sight of him and off to the multi storey carpark to search... Tasnym absolutely refused to walk by herself and was too busy screaming away... It was all I could do to stop myself from screaming too...

Could not find Izad at the washing bay and was shouting for his name... people must think I was mad!!But it worked cos he popped his head from the top floor of the carpark and asked me what was wrong... I just shouted for him to come down... he must be wondering what was going on with me holding the girls at the base of the carpark..

We brought Sarah to a GP as it was a Sunday and her paeds was close. The doctor confirmed that there was a high suspicion of HFMD but the problem was that she refused to open her mouth to let him check for ulcers.

Izad though was not satisfied and wanted a second opinion so off to KKH we went. We were seen by the doctor super fast and he too could not confirm HFMD as Sarah did not have mouth ulcers saying that this may develop over the next few days. Alternatively, we could be seeing another viral infection instead.. And it was too late for Tasnym to be separated from Sarah as she had already been exposed.

Called the school today and was told that there were no other kids down with HFMD though they had receive notice from MOH that there was a rise in the number of cases... Checked the web and true enough. there were 490 cases last week compared to 300+ the week before... my daughter adding on to the statistics...

Problem though is... is it really HFMD and if yes, where did she get it from?

Maid-less but happy

My maid was sent home a few days back. I may now be frustrated with having to manage the household chores but I have to admit that I feel relief with her departure and actually happier. I no longer have to face an ugly side of myself that somehow keeps emerging in my dealings with her. And the fact that a stranger has left the home... it makes my home now more of our home and not just a place to sleep in... the feeling is different somewhat...

After my maid left, I was shocked at the state she had left her room and my service balcony. I had pretty much left these two rooms alone since she came. The lack of hygiene, the mess... I couldn't believe my eyes at what I was seeing! She had actually kept potatoes and onions together with my hubby's dirty soccer boots! Do you need anything other than common sense to know that's just not done? I was actually on my knees scrubbing the service balcony floor as something had spilled and she never bothered to wipe it up. 5 garbage bags worth of rubbish was thrown away... things she broke... or just simply unwanted things were all stored there. My pink pajamas... now stained blue... was at the bottom of a basket hidden underneath a pile of towels.... was she even planning to tell me that she had done that? My favourite leather bag was badly damaged and had to be thrown away as she had stuffed all the bags together causing the leather bag to be badly scratched by the zippers of my hubby's gym bags.

To think that I gave her money and things, helped her when she was in need... and she never valued the things that are mine...

I may be struggling with the routines of household chores now... but there is a certain satisfaction in doing it myself ... in knowing that I am doing it MY WAY.... and if I spoiled anything... well it is on my call ...

It takes 2 hands to CLAP...

It is very easy when things go wrong in a relationship that we blame the other party. To point fingers and lay the blame on the other person is the easy way out to escape blame on ourselves, to realise and admit that we have as much a part to play in the deterioration of the relationship. It is always less painful that way.

But doesn't it always takes two hands to clap in a relationship, either in developing a relationship or in causing it to fail? If a relationship fails to take off, isn't it due to one party's disinterest, so one side of the hand is not willing to clap? And if it fails in the years to come, isn't it due to either or both sides of the hands failing to join in the clap?

But it is indeed very easy to say that the other hand had failed to clap when ours is always ready to do so.

What is it that makes or break a relationship or a marriage? What is it that causes one person to look outside for easy solutions to problems in the marriage?

1) Respect - The roof in any relationship.
2) Communication - The pillar in any relationship and most important of all;
3) Commitment - The foundation in any relationship.
4) Forgiveness - The curtains to the home.

Without these 4, the house would fall apart. I feel that a house can exist without love... after all how many of our great grandparents married from love or shared romantic love but yet their relationships continued till the day they died.

The thing though that ensures a marriage remains true is the commitment to stay no matter what, through thick and thin. No matter what temptations lay ahead. No matter what challenges. Wasn't that a vow that we take at the point of marriage? It is the foundation for which a marriage has to be built on. The ingredient that if left out would doom the relationship from the start. How can you have a lasting marriage if one party keeps looking for an exit door whenever problem looms ahead or when a prettier skirt or pants walk past?

With this foundation in place, what comes next would then be the respect for the other partner and the effective communication that plays a part to make the wheels of the marriage work. Without them, a marriage would not necessarily fail but it would be a less happier one.

That's when the finger pointing issue begins. Who do you blame when there is a lack of respect or communication in the relationship? The other party? Or yourself?

Respect for each other is the roof that protects a relationship from outside threats and harm. It is a 2 way process - that you give respect and that you receive respect. Respect is shown in the things we do to ensure that we protect the other person's feelings and well-being - that we not create unnecessary hurt in the other person.

But many do forget that respect is not a given. It is earned. And if lost, and it is easily lost, you would have to work doubly hard to gain it back. It all begins from yourself, whether you are willing to work hard enough to earn that respect and protect the respect hard enough to ensure that it is not lost. How does respect protect the relationship? Cos it causes you to think twice before you act in a way that would harm your partner.

Communication is not a one way tool. It is a two way process. Easier as it may be to say that the other person is not communicating, what have been the efforts that you have made to make sure that your own communications has been effective? The language of flowers.... the soft tones... a loving voice... a caring enquiry... a nice gesture... all to show that you care... are parts of communication. When was the last time that you had done any of these?

Before you point a finger at the other party and say that the other party has not been communicating with you... stop a moment and just ask yourself whether you have played your part too. I would think that it is very rare for a spouse to spurn loving gestures made in all sincerity. Loving tones are reciprocated with loving tones. Loving gestures would only be spurned if that other party is already looking at the exit door and is not committed to the relationship... ie a dissolvement of the foundations to the relationship.

One party can always start the efforts of building or repairing their communication faults. It may take time and the first few efforts may be viewed with suspicion but the fruits are well worth it. Communication can happen in many ways too, letters... emails...

Forgiveness... the last ingredient. Imagine if a person were never to forgive and collects all of the other person's transgressions... You know there is a saying, "you can repair a broken glass but you can always see the cracks" For me though... as much as you can see the cracks, the glass is still whole and you can always paint over the cracks and begin anew.

The problem for many couples though is to pour over those cracks, studying them, relieving the hurt over and over... not willing to forgive and move on... not willing to seek new paths... but just holding on to past hurts. What does it serve to do so... Didn't the hotel new world lesson just teaches us that even cracks in the building can cause the whole building to fall despite a commitment to stay?

Who says marriages are easy? It takes two hands to clap.... and before you point any fingers ... just remember that as you point one finger out, there are three more pointing back at you... It always begins with you...

In loving memory...

My dear old cat, didi, of 16 years has just passed away this afternoon after a week of not eating and drinking. I am ok abt it as I would rather he go than to suffer more...

I can still remember the day when I first saw him at a few days old, when I took him back at 2 months, when he went missing for a week at 4 months... That he was my first love... and the one who gave love to me unconditionally when I felt that no one else really did

The one who was my companion when I burnt midnight oil studying for my As and Unis, purring away as I studied...

The one who was there thru my tears and pain...

Bye Didi... u will be remembered...

Finding nemo

We went to watch nemo on ice last weekend and the girls really enjoyed themselves. Sarah were scared at some moments and insisted i hold her hand when the sharks came out for fear they will bite her! Tasnym was enjoying every moment and was rather amazingly well behaved!

Shopping Woes

The two mickey mouseketeers...

Tried to go shopping with the two girls yesterday and had our patience thinning by the moment. Tasnym was simply uncontrollable, not wanting to sit on the stroller, not wanting to hold hands... hey wait, didn't I say all this before? Not that Sarah was any better. They went riot at Best Denki in Parkway! People must be tsk-tsking at these two girls and their mum who simply did not manage them properly. I don't think Izad was faring any better.

All these was punctuated with requests to go to the toilet by Sarah and mad dashes to the toilet. Not that she actually needed to go each time but I think she just liked the small kiddy bowls and sinks cos she can sit on it herself without being carried. She also loved the fact that she could wash her hands, put soap and dry her hands at the dryer. Well, all this didn't stop her from urinating at Courts... we made a quick exit out!

Nothing got done... and Izad made a phone call to his mum... for us to drop off the girls and resume our shopping at the IT show!


Hey... who's taking photo of whom?

Mak nenek

Look at this mak nenek.... talks like one too!

Till death do us part

A few days back, a distant relative of mine pass away. What then became the hot topic in the family was how her daughter had refused to visit her mum at the latter's death bed in the hospital. Or how she had left her mum struggling alone at home without any mattress to lie on when her mum was sick. Well, at the end, she did visit her mum though it was too late as her mum was unconcious by that time.

My response to all this had been, what had happened between the two that caused the daughter to be so heartless to her mum's suffering. It is not that I do not believe that a human being is incapable of being totally heartless.... they can and have... but usually circumstances prompt men to turn bad. Its just that I feel that something bigger must have happened that had caused the daughter to turn against her mum in that way.

When I was younger, I've often heard stories of how some had turned in their parents into the old-folks homes and how heartless these children were to have done that. It set me thinking... well, if the parent themselves had not taken the time to care for their children, leaving the care to maids and spending more time at work... especially for the fathers... is it fair to then expect the child to care for the parent at old age? How different is it for the parent who had left his child at the child care centre, babysitter, maid etc for most of the week from the child who places his parent in a old folks home or day care when he is at work? Why is there a negative connotation for the latter but not the first. In the Western culture, old folks villages or homes are homely, giving the elderly a sense of independence and yet with adequate structured care. After all, there are circumstances which would necessitate an elderly's placement into a Home, none of the reasons related to a child's wish to abandon the parent but to ensure that the parent receive the necessary nursing care. My argument against the placement would only arise if the child, however, absolutely refused to visit the parent in the old folks home... out of sight out of mind...

Which brings me back again to the question, why do some children opt to abandon their parents, not visiting or rendering love and care. Is it the same to the question of why some parents may abuse their children, refusing love and care? Cos of lack of attachment, cos of past history of abuse? Would the child who had been abused, physically or emotionally by that same parent, neglected or not given adequate care and love going to be the same child who would then in turn abandon his/her parent at the time of need. Anecdotal examples seems to say yes. I've come to know of many tribunal cases where parents had goen to the courts to claim maintenance from their children only to be rejected by the latter due to the abuse that had been inflicted onto them by that same parent. Of course, reasons of abuse do not hold true for all cases.

It amazes me how some adult expects absolute loyalty from their children when they did little in the child's life, especially for the fathers. Did they think that just because they played a part in the conception of the child, through the sperm donation at the point of consumation, that the child then belongs to them and should therefore complete all their biddings? Even for the mothers, what control do we mothers have actually in conceiving the child and delivering - all that is in God's hands. And yet they wield the nine months of pregnancy and the number of hours in labour over the heads of the child as reason as to why the child should then obey to all their commands. It is not the 9 months plus the numerous hous of labour, it is what the parent do after that in years to come that matters, that would determine whether that child would remain steadfast, loyal and true to their parent.

Other reasons also run abound, arguments, differences, conflicts that all sours relationships... Money seems to be a popular reason. Funny isn't it how a loving relationship can be turned around cos of money but hey.. that's another topic altogether. But it is enough of a reason to make a child turn their back against their parent. Sad huh... reminds me of that old story of the couple who was making a wooden bowl for their elderly parent and planning to abandon the elderly parent to the mountain top... only to stop short when they see their young son planning the same for them. What comes around comes around.

Well... for my relative's daughter... it may be too late for regrets and only time to think of what-ifs... and possibly even a reminiscence as to what her mum may possibly have done wrong to her perception...

Children see...

Remember that children see what we do and we have a choice to the type of influence we want to be to our children.

Colourism

I get irritated when people start commenting on my daughter's coloration. It was something that started even when Sarah was a baby and the makciks commented "Eh apasal mak dia putih anak dia gelap?" "Cos she went suntanning in the womb makcik!" Even my mum got caught with this ideology of skin fairness when she declared that under her care, Sarah will turn white. What she gonna do? Bleach the girl?

What's with the colour? Does it make her less beautiful that her skin tone is darker?

These days with Tasnym around, the difference becomes more stark, especially with Tasnym being so fair. Salesgirl, nyonyas at the malls never fail to comment. Oh Tasnym is like me and Sarah is like the dad... but they make it sound bad cos they will then fall all over Tasnym cooing abbout how fair and cute she is.

I worry how Sarah will take all these one day. I asked Izad last nite how it was for him that he was so much darker than all his younger brothers. His response "I made sure I got darker." Ooookie...

Are we a little racist without realising it? Or should I say colourist? Is white equals to beautiful and dark equals to ugly? Did we coach ourselves from the time of colonial days to see that only the whites can be deemed as good looking?

Well some would say... didnt Ms India win Ms Universe a few years back? But didn't you see as well that she was the fairer Indian?

One of my good friends, who is an Indian, shared with me how her daughter hated her skin colour as she said it was too dark. Other girls at the playground had told my friend's daughter that they did not want to play with her cos her skin was dirty! Some would say, perhaps it was the parents who had not done a good job in teaching their kids not to say such things... but when I encounter so many adults who are so bent on pointing out the colour comparisons between my two girls, not that Sarah is even that much darker, how can the little girls not have such thoughts about colour when the adults are equally as insensitive and like a say a colourist (cos I know they are not racist).

I dun really know how Sarah is feeling about this right now. With her being so shy, I dun think it bothers her too much that Tasnym gets more attention from strangers. But in years to come, I'm not sure how this would impact on her or whether I can really do much to protect her.

Oh Girl...

A few months ago, I asked Izad when we plan to have our third child and he said, "A re you serious? I can't even cope with these two and you are asking me about a third?" And this coming from a guy who has always been talking about having more children in the pre-Tasnym days. The same one who did not take me seriously (thinking that I would change my mind... which actually I did) when I clutched at his hand in my throes of labour pains and told him that I was not going to go thru this (ie labour pains) again.

A few days ago, in a hypermart in Malacca, in our struggles to manage Tasnym and trying so hard not to just tear our hair out in frustration, he said to Tasnym, "Adik, you make me think twice about having the third one". She refused to sit nicely in the trolley, refused to hold our hands while walking... her world was her own and decisions made as to where to go would only be hers..... irregardless of who were around her and that many were trying hard to avoid her from being hit by their trolleys. It does not even bother her when she can't see us (know this as I tried hiding from her view to see her reaction).

She hits Sarah, bites her nenek, rules our bed with both Izad and I clutching to the edges... sigh...

Playing inside a cupboard in our hotel in Malacca

Caught in the act playing with salt in a restaurant in JB...

So dun let that cute face fool you!

watch Tasnym fight for the stroller

Toilet Training Blues

Sarah is still not fully toilet trained and I have ran out of fingers and toes to count the number of times she has urinated on the car seat. No one told me it is going to be this stressful!

Worse yet is that she is soooo choosy ... she will decide which toilets she will go into and whether it is too dirty or too smelly to her liking. She even held her pee once absolutely refusing to enter into a public toilet cos she deemed it to be too smelly... I didn't even smell a thing! Dun even think of asking her to pee behind any bushes... this is a high class girl here.

Things get worse in Malaysia where are toilets are sooo dirty and hard to come by... and mind you, she does not pee into a squatting toilet... and as you may well know... most toilets in Malaysia are well the squatting type.

It was too my pleasant surprise when we went to Melaka recently and found the toilets in Mahkota Parade shopping centre to be clean and very good. They even had a mummy's room for breast feeding, diaper changing and small toilet bowls for kids... they should have this in every mall.. but the down side was that no daddy's allowed. The lady taking care of that facility had a long interview by me why such a restriction was put in place. She even asked me for my ic number for registration before I could use the facility which led to more interviewing by me as in why, why, why? Her explanation was that it was to allow for easy contacts should we ladies leave anything behind. Wouldn't it be much easier to just leave a phone number? She said oh, people were upset when phone numbers were asked for... You mean people would rather give their ic numbers but not their phone numbers? I guess in Malaysia, that's the case...

What she say?

Beautiful Girlz II

Tasnym...

Beautiful girlz

Sarah...

Its a rich man's world

The girls celebrating their tok's birthday...

Yet another year has passed and another birthday celebrated. We get older and we see the girls growing up. From the concerns of breastfeeding and nappy changes to the weaning and the toilet training... Sometimes it is scary to watch them as they grow, worried that you would miss these moments of joy worried of what is to come...

I think most parents wants the best for their children and with that, they want to be able to also provide the best. I guess it is also one of a parents' greatest worry, for most parents anyway, that they may not be able to provide for their children's needs especially educational needs.

I have been taking educational plans to prepare for my 2 girls education. Each plan matures at different years making sure that for each year of their time in university or tertiary education will be covered. If they go to university lah... if not I use the money for myself! There is still a concern that the money would not be sufficient should they require to study abroad. Being part of the middle class, I am not poor to qualify for subsidies or bursaries and neither am I rich to be unconcerned about money... It is a worry as well that we would have enough to finance our golden years.

Health costs and living costs are increasing so much that you wonder whether the money you squirrel away in the prime of your years would even be enough to cover your needs later on. I see enough lessons around me... of those who enjoyed their lives and earnings in the prime of their life and then struggled as they reached their golden years. I dun want that to happen to me and I dun think it is good to depend on my children or expect them to support me as I may never know what may happen to them. They may not, for some reason or other, be able to support me or my needs either.

But of course, I do not believe in just squirelling away money and not enjoying the fruits of my labour. I mean what's the point of saving so much and by the time you get old, you can't even enjoy it properly due to ill health etc.

So biggest lesson of the day - Strike a balance. Save enough for tomorrow and use enough to enjoy today!

Hubby vs Daughter

I think it is the nightmare of any mother if her daughter one day comes up to her and say that her father had sexually abused her. And when confronted, the father denies vehemently that he would do such a deed. Who would the mother believe, her daughter or her husband? A dilemma that can be further compunded if the father is an upright citizen, religious even? And a daughter who may not be the best of angels.

I remembered having this theoretical conversation witha group of friends - all single and childless then... The question continues to play now with us having husbands and children. Our profession certainly does not help as we face many mother with such a situation. We can understand their dilemma, empathise even.

Fact is though many disclosures are accidental and many girls... or boys for that matter... had never intended to disclose that they had been sexually abused. No matter how non-angelic the girl may be, it is few and far in between that the girl had lied about such abuse. So as much as it may be hard to swallow, chances are it is the girl who is the innocent and the man who is the monster.

Yet, it is easy to understand the dilemmas these mothers face. Uneducated and dependent on the men, they sometimes opt to believe the men instead. Could it be that these mothers find it more difficult to believe in the words of the child? Sad thing is the daughters end up shunned, many dealing with the trauma they encountered alone.

Ole ole ole ole

The girls were busy playing soccer on the side as their papas was fighting it out on the courts... Do we see potential players in the making here?

Maid to measure

I'm still considering whether to continue with my maid's service. Her contract ends in Jul of this year. Well not to say that she had been problematic or anything but the down sides of having a maid do add up after a while. I appreciate the work that she had put in. I know my house would not look the same without her... it would be more uncondusive for living!! She works hard... that's appreciated... but...

What's the downside?

Well firstly the issue of privacy... To have a non family member in the household, one who had been a complete stranger... yes after a while you do get to know them ... but she still remains a stranger in the home and somehow you never would be as comfortable in your home as when she is not around. Even to spend time as a couple becomes a bit awkward. You can't even wear what you like in your own home..

Next would be the issue of differences in culture, language and belief systems... I think it was as much a culture shock for her to be here as it is for us to have her. The differences in beliefs were apparent from the beginning. What she thought of common ailments - they were all caused by wind in the body! Her mentality about life... I had to do a bit of motivational speeches and counselling... my cousins joked that my maid would return to her homeland a changed woman!! The way she talks is different with same words carrying different meanings... many a times we realise we had completely missed what the other meant... and that is very frustrating... You also do not want her beliefs and ways to influence your children... I defeinitely do not want my children to grow up believing that they are sick cos wind got into them!! And I do see snippets of influence that has been passed on already especially in the way my girls talk!

And of course there is the issue of attachment. Maybe I am a jealous person by nature but it pains me when I see my girls hugging her instead of coming to me or when they chose her over me... not that it happens often but when it does... it sents a shaft thru my heart. I know its good that she is a good person to my children but I guess it is hard for a mother when her child chooses someone else over them esp if that person has only been in the family for a while. Parenting also becomes an issue esp when the maid causes your authority as a parent to be undermined... sometimes without meaning to... when she gives in to their tantrums or demands... when they go to her to veto my decisions... thankfully my maid has learnt a lesson on Mum's word is the word cos I've driven it enough into her.

Expectations... I am not fussy about the house but somehow you end up realising that there are things that you want done your way... for some reason or other... and she would have done it another way... How much can you really teach? Not possibly everything and some things you take for granted assuming that she should know... or maybe I am fussy...

Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing the ugliest side of me when I handle her... not that I am abusive but when frustrations peaked and expectations are not met, coupled with other stressors, its easy to lose yourself and I hate that person I see.

Then of course there is her and her idiosyncracies that sometimes simply baffles me... the things she say or do ... I know I have been luckier than most that mine has turned out to be a relatively good maid but I suppose everyone has a streak of weirdness in them... I'm sure she thinks I'm weird too!!

So that's the downside... and the upside? Well a clean house - and I dun have high expectations there cos the house can never be neat with a hubby, 2 girls and 2 cats who are forever making a mess! And the fact that I do get to concentrate on my girls cos I dun have to worry about household at all. So I have to think about striking a balance of both if our current decision not to continue with a maid stands...

Oh well... tomorrow is another day...

Living in style...

We visited Zuraidah's mum last weekend at her new condo at Elderweiss Park. So nice... Her unti is a 2 storey apartment with the upper deck being a garden complete with jacuzzi. Her decor were so exquisitely expensive but very nice...when I went home, realised how untidy my home is in comparison!!

But of course living in style comes with a price... a BIG one. I stared at my housing loan statement this morning and realised that we had barely made a dent in our mortgage having 25 years more to go in payment. To buy a condo may mean not having anything left in the CPF when that 25 year end line comes along... And then what? There is still maintenance fees to pay. Is it really worth the amount? It definitely can't be denied that the facilities are enviable and the landscape of a HDBland would never match that of the new condos we have around... but again the question of at what price keeps ringing...



This is Tasnym with her admirer, Ana's youngest son, Aqil. He could not take his eyes off her!!

Trip to the zoo

The girls went to the zoo a few days ago and they enjoyed looking at all the animals.

See... I can stand on one leg just like the flamingoes!










Look at the tall giraffes...

Tasnym says

Word: Thank you
Tasnym says: Tehtyu

Phrase: Papa tidur here
Tasnym says: Papa deh-doh yere

Phrase: Mama read book
Tasnym says: Mama weed wook

Word: Elephant
Tasnym says: Eh-fant

Word: Dinosaur
Tasnym says: Die-soh

Word: Carry
Tasnym says: Weh-wee

Phrase: Please mama
Tasnym says: Pees mama

Phrase: What are you doing?
Tasnym says: What wing?

What is your name?
Tasnym says: Tasim A-yee-sha

What is Nenek's name?
Tasnym says: Omah

What is tok's name?
Tasnym says: Ee-yas

My lil artist 2

This is my lil artist latest work which she calls "My Family and Photo Frame" tho I would say the picture is just of her alone!! But it simply amazes me of how she had painted the girl and it looks like a girl... you know what I mean? With the circle blobs as the frame... The picture now has pride of place on my fridge...

Row Row Ur Boat To Kuantan

We braved the floods to go Kuantan in Dec 06... Thru the floods we went... plunging in and roughing it out in Felda estates to go round flooded roads.. aren't we just lucky the car made it in one shape... I was ready to scream with the 2 girls in the car!!

This is the road to reach a waterfall... This was easy... the path up to the waterfall wasn't and on FOOT!! Slippery with the rain and having to carry two heavy gals... I gave up half-way... actually we all did.. Hah!

The water was icy cold.. brrrrrrr...

Kitty Kat Tas

Tasnym.. with her face painted as a cat in school...

And the whole class... but esp her keeps checking their faces in the mirror... she went to the mirror like 3 times even after class has resumed... so vain!







Making sure her kitty kat face is still on!

Its time for school!

Well, Sarah is finally setlling in school and coming home almost daily with urine drenched pants cos she absolutely refuse to urinate in the school's toilet. And every morning, we have to drag her out of the bed to bathe and get ready... that girl sleeps and sleeps and still wants to continue sleeping... just like her papa...

Tasnym is also settling in her Parents and Tots class in GUG. Her vocab is really increasing, now she asks questions about everything - What you wing? What say? What's that? and she repeats everything almost 3 times each time.

Tasnym: Where papa where papa where? (With a lilt at the end)
Mama: Papa go work
Tasnym: Why mama why? (again with the lilt at the end)

And copies everything Sarah does... a complete parrot!

Sarah's first day in N2

It was Sarah's first day in school yesterday and boy! we were back at square 1. New class with new teachers and she refused to let me go!! So there I go sitting in nursery class once again. She cried at the slightest thing.

Today, I had to be firm and had to still go to work. Promised to buy her a strawberry shortcake cake if she goes to school and she was all ready to go. By the time we reached the school, she told me "Mama, I dun want the cake, I want to go home. I dun wan you go work!!" She clung on to my leg with all her might and her N1 teacher had to take her away. She took the van back and the bus lady said she stopped crying in the bus after a while.

Sigh... I dunno how it would be tomorrow....

Supergirlz

Their grandad bought both a superman outfit at Sarah's insistence.










The girls flying!!
With their supergirls pose...



Sarah has been reminding us everyday that her birthday is coming... It is 10 months away!! She has moved from wanting a Barney cake to her latest request, a superman cake! So I taught Tasnym to say "I know" whenever Sarah says that her birthday is coming!!

Tasnym asks for a Maney (Barney) cake. The other day, she got to watch Barney at United Square before the start of her class. She clung to the banister refusing to let go. When she finished her class, she ran out screaming for Barney and BJ!

She fell in the bathtub last week hitting her nose and mouth on the corner. When Izad asked her "did you fall?" she said "yah" "did you fall in the toilet?" she said "yah". All the leading questions!!

We have been using Nufayl to persuade Sarah to do anything esp use the potty. Now

when she goes to the toilet, she will say "Mama, you must tell Nufayl ok that I urine inside the potty"

The girls with Nufayl.

Two artists at work

This is the 2 artists putting paint on their artwork.


Discussing what to paint ;)


And making a mess!!

The final art piece...

Went to Sarah's first parent teacher meeting last week. teachers said that she was an outgoing girl who interacted well with her friends but when the teachers call her, she goes silent and bow her head down. they were not able to get her individual photo either as she refused to cooperate. so her cover page of her report book is not ready and her report book is blank... to think that next year her teacher is going to be different. she is going to take another 2 months to adjust to the new person!!

Have managed to get her back on track with her toilet training with fewer accidents but thumb sucking is still on full force. Oh yes and everything is now "why?"

Tasnym is really picking things up fast, can join three words together and mimics everything that Sarah does. So she is saying why? too whenever Sarah does that and the same question is repeated by both over and over ...

Sarah will say "Mama what are you doing, what happened to your face?" when mama puts on a face mask. "why mama why?"
Tasnym will then say "mama, wing? face? why?"